Tuesday, March 21, 2006
I've had it up to here...and I'm pretty fucking tall
I consider myself a fairly compassionate person, but my compassion gauge is way past empty, folks. Some people on this planet are just takers, plain and simple; all they do is take and consume and give nothing back, ever.

Yesterday I was walking back to work from a break when I was approached by a damn dirty hippie. I have compassion for true homeless people who suffer from mental illness or even substance abuse, but this waste of DNA is just a spoiled white kid from an upper middle class background who doesn't want to work; so he can kindly eat the semi-digested corn from my shit. Anyway, he predictably asked for a quarter (really, if you were poor and destitute, would you ask for two bits, like that would save you from poverty?), and I just shook my head "No".

"You have a nice day, sir," he said sarcastically.

"You too," I answered without breaking stride.

I should have given him the vicious fucking beatdown he so richly deserved. I should have grabbed his filthy dreads and punched a little real life into his fucking face. I don't care if that piece of human filth ever works a day in his life, but HOW DARE HE give me attitude for not contributing to his sloth-like lifestyle? I woke up at four-thirty in the A - cuntfuck - M to go to my shitty job just so I can barely pay my bills this month; I don't need patcheuli-stank's guilt trip or false niceties. I hope he smokes nothing but skunkweed the rest of his life.

Then, later in the day, a man walked up to me and got mad because I don't speak Spanish. You know, if he hadn't been an el grande cunt I would have found someone who speaks Spanish to help him, even though I don't officially work for Home Depot and am not obligated to do so, just because I'm a nice guy. But he's going to yell at me for not learning Spanish? I turned my back on the asshole. That's the universal language for "You are an annoying douche and I hope your children get smallpox."

Then a few minutes later, the same guy yelled at a cashier for not speaking Spanish. The funny thing is, this cashier was born in the Philippines, moved to this country and learned to speak English. But I guess that's not enough; SHE SHOULD LEARN A THIRD LANGUAGE TO JUSTIFY HER LOFTY POSITION OF CASHIER AT HOME DEPOT.

Fuck that dickhead! You know what America has enough of? Stupid, self-centered pricks. We don't need to import more of them. I have nothing against immigration, by the way. I'd gladly accept ten decent people from any country on earth if one dickhead, even one born on American soil, would be shipped somewhere far away.

Oh, and the road that runs through my subdivision may be the most dangerous neighborhood road on earth. The aggressive yuppie types who live in the "country club" section treat the road as their own personal Autobahn, with no rules, no speed limit, and no concern for the safety of themselves or others. Meanwhile, the fossils who are waiting to die in the retirement community barely push their speedometers past double digits and brake at every intersection even when they don't have a stop sign. These two distinctly different groups of people should not share common driving space. I fear for my life every time I go to the grocery.

And, yeah, I want to get the fuck out of this town. It's stealing my soul.


44 Comments:

Blogger WunEyedDog said...

That sounds like a pretty damn dangerous neighborhood. I'd just start leaving traps for them all. Take a few of them down.

I'm okay with hippies, sort of, but the whole begging thing is BS. I work my ass off to do whatever the hell I want. The spanish deal? Fuck him.

Blogger solethoughts said...

I would've asked the guy for change after giving him a quarter.

Blogger Karen said...

Wow, Todd, I'm only getting to the point of hatred for this town that you're at, and I've lived here for 16 years! Sweety, you need to move, and soon. Or, you need to get laid, and soon.

Probly both, but getting laid is infinitely more fun! Hang in there, Henderson!

Blogger SRB said...

Yeah, that's an assy thing to do - regardless of whether you speak the nation's language or demanding that the person should speak yours. People suck everywhere though, so maybe the getting laid thing is the solution.

Blogger Cherry! said...

I can't tolerate people like that. Definitely sounds like you might need to move. But then what would you call the blog????

Blogger tlsd said...

er... so you're having a bad day then honeybunny...

*sends.hugs.&.kisses*

ps: you could call your blog 'leaving las vegASS'... *smirk*

I fucking hate when they give you that attitude... in reply you could have said, "Im damn sure it'll be better than smelling like shite and begging money for scraps of food, fuckwit"... of course it has more Kudos if they're sitting on a piece of cardboard in the pouring rain.

Blogger Chris said...

Cheeky monkey!

Don't these people know how hard my girlfriend works to put that money in my pocket?

And I'm just gonna give it away? Ch-yeah right!

Blogger katarina said...

Move to my town. We have a Home Depot. You could be transferred. It's cheaper living. And the added bonus is me. I could be your naughty mistress.
Just a thought.

Blogger Secret said...

Todd darling, I agree with tlsd. You need to get laid honey. Believe me I know how some days life and stupid people just about kill me. But darlin' you sound about ready to head to the nearest tower with a rifle. Don't! Deep cleansing breaths and go fuck the shit outta somebody. You'll feel much better!

Blogger The real me said...

This would be sad if it weren't so damn funny.

Blogger AWE said...

Cuntfuck and hippie with dreads. Does it get any better?

Blogger JJ said...

So, when are you going to get the fuck out of that town? Come to River City. There are plenty of clubs and restaurants and the people are friendly.

And before you say something like "I'd rather have my intestines removed with a rusty icecream scoop than move to Texas", I would just like to add that a) River City did not vote for Bush and b) the more dems move to Texas the more watered down the redneck vote gets.

Todd for President!

Blogger MsHellion said...

Next time you visit Louisville, just stay. You gave Vegas a chance, and all it gave you was shit and heat. Fuck 'em if they can't be decent.

Blogger AMS said...

Sounds like a bad case of people rage but hell can I empathise with you.

I hate people in general.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I think you live in a town that attracts lowlifes. If someone moves to or lives in a rust belt town, he/she knows he/she needs to get a job and get along with other people.

Some people might move to Vegas in hopes of winning "one big score" and never working another day in their lives. So, your town attracts people who's goal is to never work again.

Blogger miss kendra said...

i hate people.

i want to move somewhere people free.

Blogger little ol' me? said...

"Four-thirty in the A - the cuntfuck - M......"

I couldn't agree with you more.

"The aggressive yuppie types who live in the "country club" section treat the road as their own personal Autobahn, with no rules, no speed limit, and no concern for the safety of themselves or others."

Use the more obnoxious of the Harm Despot customers and faux hippies as speed bumps. Problem solved.

Seriously, you need to get out of there while you still have any spirit left or write a script about it, like Andrew Kevin Walker did about New York with "Se7en."

I hear you on the getting yelled at for not speaking Spanish. Believe me when I say it's worse when you look like you SHOULD know how to speak Spanish...

Also, I agree with Ubermilf's assessment of Vegasssssss. For the love of jeebus krishna, move somewhere with TREES!!! For a big city, I think Chicago is comparatively affordable. Austin is also nice. If you don't do the Westside wannabe A-list life, L.A. is quite lovely (no, I'm serious).

Blogger Phain said...

Awww come 'ere - you need a ((((hug)))) from Kitty...

Blogger porchwise said...

I've lived in New York,Newark, Chicago, St. Louis, L.A.(Burbank, North Hollywood, Long Beach and the Valley), Phoenix, Key West, Biloxi, Grand Rapids, Denver, Bakersfield and all of them suck. Give me an acre in the country everytime...but I guess I've mostly led a fun life. Having a couple of work-anywhere occupations helps. Actually, I like people for about two or three years then they bore the hell out of me.

Blogger porchwise said...

I forgot to add Houston and Dallas to my cities list but, unlike JJ, I think Texas sucks.

Blogger wmy said...

Breathe honey, breathe...its going to be okay..really. You really should move away from all those dickheads...wait, they are everywhere...lets go live up in the mountains together k??

Blogger Cincysundevil said...

People suck. They should be outlawed.

Blogger Blonde said...

I am sorry that your pain makes me laugh until I cry.

You are a rock star and I love you

Blogger liz said...

I live in Vegas too and I feel you pain. I know how you feel. Some yahoos drive to freaking fast and the Sun City residents drive slow. This town is as shallow as an empty swimming pool.

Blogger yournamehere said...

wuneye,
I honestly don't work my ass off, but I don't beg for change, either.

sole,
he can probably outrun me, so I wasn't going to hand him any money.

vixen,
maybe I can move and join the mile high club on the way home.

eden,
if it was that easy for me to get laid, I'd most likely be getting laid.

cherry,
people like that are everywhere. I'm just frustrated.

tlsd,
thanks for the hugs and kisses.

chris,
I would give someone else's money away, no problem.

kat,
I don't officially work for Home Depot. The company I work for only does business in Cali, Nevada, Arizona, and Utah. You know my feelings toward you are nothing but positive (and lecherous), but the Amish scare me. They're just hippies who've found god.

teri,
once again, easier said than done.

real,
it's tragicomic.

Blogger yournamehere said...

awe,
I hope it gets better.

jj,
Austin kind of sounds like Louisville (blue city in a red state, lots of restaurants, more bars than clubs but close enough). I don't know what to do.

andi,
will you be my First Lady?

mshellion,
if I moved back today, I'd be living with my mom and looking for work, two things I don't want to do. I need to find a job, an apartment, a new car...I think I'm too lazy to move.

ams,
every once in a while people surprise me by not sucking, but it doesn't happen very often.

ubie,
Nevada is second in the nation in identity theft despite being a small state, so I think there are more thieves than bums (I used to encounter trust-fund beggars on a daily basis in Louisville).

kendra,
me too, but then who would be my barista?

little,
I'm glad we're in agreement.

write,
I think life, rather than Las Vegas, drains my spirit.

Blogger yournamehere said...

monkeymc,
This guy who works for our company is named Carlos Rodriequez and doesn't speak a WORD of Spanish. His parents are Mexican but he was born here and they never taught him Spanish. People have wanted to fight him, seriously. I guess they think he's lying to them.
Also, I don't think I could afford to live comfortably in Chicago or Los Angeles. I'm too old and soft to live uncomfortably.

le chat,
I'd love a hug from Kitty.

porchwise,
I'd like to have a country retreat, but I need to live near some sort of action.

wmy,
wouldn't your husband be pissed if you moved to the mountains with me?

cincy,
if people were outlawed, only outlaws would own people. Wait, that didn't sound right...

blonde,
I appreciate and return your love, but I don't feel like a rock star. Right now I'd settle for being the roadie who gets the occasional blowjob by girls trying to get backstage.

liz,
there are things I like about Vegas, but couldn't I just visit here?

Blogger katarina said...

I'm not that close to the Amish hippies.
I live in the suburbs. Close the city, but close to the country. We could make love in the grass by day and go to a club by night.

Miss Kendra, I'm thinking about starting a private island. I could split it and sell you half. No, I'd give it to you.

Blogger Brookelina said...

Stop holding back Todd. You need to tell us how you really feel.

Blogger yournamehere said...

kat,
you make it extremely tempting.

brooke,
sometimes I think I hold back too much.

Todd, how about intern instead?

Blogger yournamehere said...

andi,
I'll even buy you a nice blue dress.

Blogger Nick said...

I think Dallas deserves TO. Nothing compliments a team of douchebags like the king of all douchebags. I realize that this has nothing to do with this post, but I wanted to leave it here.

Also, Vegas sucks. You could get a shitty job anywhere.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Nick,
I wish you would have left your bile on the post that got half as many comments.

I have fun here, too. I'm a conflicted asshole.

Blogger MoDigli said...

I LOVED THIS POST!!!!

Living in San Diego, on the beach, we are OVERRUN with 20-something hippies who don't want to work. They just want to live the "no worries" beach life. They ask for change, and get pissed when I say no, too. One dude was on a freakin' bicycle, and wearing clean clothes when he rode up to me to ask for money. GET A JOB LIKE THE REST OF US, DUMBASS is what I wanted to say.

Anyway - you said it all sooo much better than I could have. Thank you,Todd! Thank you! :)

Blogger Lush said...

I wish that dickhead exchange program existed. England started it and they were all sent to Australia. Although, it wasn't really an exchange program as such really more a dumping ground.

Blogger dottcomments said...

You could use some therapy.

Or whiskey. You choose.

Blogger MollyNormal said...

I hope he smokes nothing but skunkweed the rest of his life.
WOW what a horrible thing to wish on someone! I love it! :)

Blogger The DogGrrrrl said...

When I was in N'awlins, there were legions of 'homeless' teenagers. There was a classic moment of two of them lazing against a wall, hands out, under a Help Needed sign. I've had it up to 'your' here, you've got 12" on me!

And the rest of you can take that last line aaaaany way you want.

Blogger Van said...

that was one elegant piece of prose, and I am not being sarcastic. Don't ever censor yourself.

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