All I was trying to do was go to Von's and pick up some fucking groceries, but I have to be confronted by another douchebag. The Rockettes don't see as many douches in a decade as I see in a typical week here in the good ol' Vegas valley.
Anyway, I'm driving along with the flow of traffic, when this cuntface assram in a Lexus sportscar starts weaving in between cars going about ninety miles an hour in a forty-five zone; missing cars by the width of a pubic hair and basically ENDANGERING LIVES so he wouldn't be late for his date to eat sushi with some vapid cunt he met at the Las Vegas Athletic Club.
And why shouldn't he behave that way? Obviously, judging by the eighty-thousand dollar car he was driving, life has richly rewarded him for being a selfish, overly aggresive prick. Life just loves fucks like him. He'll never wreck that car, hell he'll never get a ticket, and I'm sure he has his pick of women who love the fact that he's "confident", which is a buzzword meaning "If the outside is sleak and shiny the inside can be filled with worms for all I care." And of course I know not all women are like that; just enough of them to keep guys like him happy every day of their empty lives.
And you know what, his life isn't really empty if he's too shallow to realize it. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning while he'll never have a MOMENT of self-doubt or unhappiness beyond his favorite watering hole running out of Michelob Ultra.
I realize this post wasn't funny, or even entertaining, but I promise to go back to the regularly scheduled dog and pony show as soon as possible, provided I don't choke to death on my own bile.
Anyway, I'm driving along with the flow of traffic, when this cuntface assram in a Lexus sportscar starts weaving in between cars going about ninety miles an hour in a forty-five zone; missing cars by the width of a pubic hair and basically ENDANGERING LIVES so he wouldn't be late for his date to eat sushi with some vapid cunt he met at the Las Vegas Athletic Club.
And why shouldn't he behave that way? Obviously, judging by the eighty-thousand dollar car he was driving, life has richly rewarded him for being a selfish, overly aggresive prick. Life just loves fucks like him. He'll never wreck that car, hell he'll never get a ticket, and I'm sure he has his pick of women who love the fact that he's "confident", which is a buzzword meaning "If the outside is sleak and shiny the inside can be filled with worms for all I care." And of course I know not all women are like that; just enough of them to keep guys like him happy every day of their empty lives.
And you know what, his life isn't really empty if he's too shallow to realize it. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning while he'll never have a MOMENT of self-doubt or unhappiness beyond his favorite watering hole running out of Michelob Ultra.
I realize this post wasn't funny, or even entertaining, but I promise to go back to the regularly scheduled dog and pony show as soon as possible, provided I don't choke to death on my own bile.
31 Comments:
I hope the guy gets caught a la Martha Stewart, ends up in prison for insider trading, and ends up getting ass raped for years ... only then will justice prevail
What if his wife had went into labor or something?
I actually think it's these kind of show ponies that are the most insecure of us all.
I love the comedy value of the term Lexus sportscar.
Brilliant.
Ah *wipes tear of mirth from eye*
(terrible fucking car snob)
I know a doctor that drives a Hummer that way. I'm afraid to leave the office for fear he'll plow right over my car and crush my head.
This post was funny Todd. Not sure I agree with your definition of confident though, but whatever. This guy does sound like a major prick. Trust me, this dude's time will come.
Maybe not funny but it was entertaining and enlightening for this one point:
He's not empty, he's shallow.
It takes far less to fill a shallow container. There's no getting around it. It's why we invented the concept of Hell so that we can believe he will be punished in another time/place/life.
What if his son had been in an accident at little league practice?
i live in LA.
nothing you say surprises me.
I don't find L.A. that bad.
I bet this dude is trying to make up for herpes. I
What if his daughter was supposed to go out on a date with you?
I beeped the horn as I came by you.
Amen. This post made me think of someone that I briefly dated, till I realized the shallowness was really as far as it went. It was hard for me to date someone so like myself.
Something struck me as I was driving through one of Chicago's wealthiest suburbs, and Lexus SUV after Lexus SUV barrelled through stop signs (stop signs, like taxes, are for the LITTLE people).
We complain about these people, while poor people complain about swaggering gang bangers, but I think we're all talking about the same group of people: selfish, materialistic bastards who think rules shouldn't apply to them.
In fact, that's who runs our government right now.
Anyway, these types have existed forever, and the decent people have existed forever, and we decent folks had best get our heads out of our asses and protect ourselves because we're being overrun at all sides by them.
I've found that the more "confident" (read self important) the more insecure.
Most girls will figure out that these guys have no soul and the image will start to fade.
When I say "most girls" I mean the ones with half a brain.
Cheer up!
I want to take a dump on him.
(in a gross way, not a sexy way...perv)
Feel better. Your my boy, blue.
i hate people. good thing i work with them on a daily basis. it makes leaving work that much better.
I see guys like this all of the time. I always assume that they work for that brand car dealership and the car is free OR that they lease it. Either way they want people to think they have money and most of the time they don't.
Either way, may his breath smell like crotch rot forever for ruining my precious Todd's day!
Hey, Todd -- guess what we're having for dinner?
Sometimes when I get a$$holes like that I want to get in their way and make them hit me. Maybe that'll teach them...probably not but, hey, it makes me feel a bit better.
kendra,
I've only been to Los Angeles twice, and both times the traffic was so gridlocked nobody had a chance to drive poorly.
monkey mc,
my guess is Vegas is worse because we get the shitheads from all over the country to converge on us. I hope he has herpes on his soul.
nick,
since women are never sexually attracted to me, he'd want me to date his daughter.
awe,
yeah, the horn on your bicycle is really neato.
monalicious,
people who are too much alike just don't get along.
ubie,
once again your brilliance makes my left nipple semi-erect.
little ol' me,
I've tried to cheer up. It may be a lost cause.
claudia,
you know I think you're very attractive, but shit isn't sexy to me, no matter how cute the butt that it comes out of.
slutbag,
I read your blog and you seem like a good person, so of course you hate people.
blonde,
it could be. Thanks to renting a house and having roommates, I live in a richie neighborhood and am very poor, so he could be the same.
budding rose,
yes they do.
ubie,
I was depressed, so I ate there last night. Funny, sitting in a restaurant alone while ruining my diet did very little to help my depression.
It was delicious, though, and it beat being depressed and eating crap.
hey jo,
I always threaten to not brake for the next person who pulls out in front of me, but reflex kind of takes over at that point.
You take all the fun out of insulting you, by trumping my insults with your own. I do that too.
"since women are never sexually attracted to me..."
Honestly? I find that very hard to believe.
Most "confident" guys usually turn into mincing gaywads when someone actually calls them on their bravado bullshit. He was probably fleeing the scene. That stripper in the hot tub was starting to smell.
He won't always be happy. One day when he gets older and slower that young chick he's with (because you know he'll keep trading up after his cunt reaches a certain age) she'll leave him for the tennis pro or something. When that happens he'll be that sad, pathetic old guy at the end of the bar with money that can't even buy a date without actually BUYING a date. :)
Cool Todd. I realized after rereading your post that I probably didn't misinterpet what you said. I wish I could say that will be the last time, but that's highly unlikely.
Hey, what are you doing the last weekend of June? I will likely be in town with some buddies. It would be nice to meet up. Take care and have a good weekend.
I have some real big problems with contractions. I am sure you're a smart guy and figured it out. It would definitely be cool to meet.
Nick, ...aw, forget it. You're a funny guy.
This WAS an entertaining post. You managed to capture my exact feelings of late, only the target of my "affections" was a client.
The world is full of asses like that guy...which is why people like us who really do have souls have to stick together.
Oh snap!
I didn't mean it, Nick.
Damn, I'm too nice.
Guess what's funny?
AIDS doesn't care if he has a Lexus.
:)
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