For every genuine genre of music, there's a group of photogenic assrots there to exploit the public's lack of good taste. Meet Nickelback, maybe the worst popular band around since Creed broke up. The lead singer has a voice that suggests he sucked the cock of Satan and was rewarded with a throat full of pumice-jizz.Yes, I said worst popular band. There may be a band of limbless hare-lips practicing in a garage somewhere, trying to play instruments with their stumps, who are worse than Nickelback, but you aren't going to see them on M-TV2.
I never even tried to become a rock star because, let's face it, Todd is not a rock and roll name. No one has ever said, "Dude, that guy Todd rocked the house." The lead singer for Nickelback, pictured here failing to look complex, is named Chad. My aunt's girdle is more rock and roll than the name "Chad".
Have you ever heard their hit song "Photograph"? Unless you live in a cave or Reno* or something, you've heard it a million times. I appreciate the song because I always wondered how Bruce Springsteen would sound if he was profoundly retarded. Now I know, thanks to Nickelback. Seriously, Ubie, I nominate the song for Bad Music Thursdays. Find the lyrics and be prepared to die a little inside.
Sure, in a few years Nickelback will be opening for Hootie and the Blowfish at a shitty casino soemewhere, but for now they're reaping the rewards of the shitty tastes of "music" fans everywhere. Thanks, CD-buying public, for making it impossible for me to turn on the radio or enter a retail store without hearing this shit. Fuck you. Oh, and they're Canadian, so I'm blaming Claudia for their popularity.
*Just kidding. Reno is a fantastic town, a thriving metropolis that is kind of like New York City with mountain views, or Chicago with a cleaner lake. Truly one of the finest cities in the history of western civilization.
32 Comments:
First! And well said. I do like their name, though.
GAH nickleback and celine dion are two things canada will have to answer for on the day of reckoning.
and I have no distain for you todd, only real stain.
Thanks for the disclaimer on the Reno comment. However it did sound a slight bit mocking in tone... Reno is WAY nicer than Chicago or New York.
As far as Nickelback goes. They suck. Like cheap Canadian tippers, they left a dollar tip and asked for a nickel back.
I wish I could say they don't play that crap here, but it seems there is no escaping....
oh Todds... how I love your rants... You speak so succinctly and on behalf of so many... such words of wisdom... *sigh*... I almost died laughing...
I have to disagree with one thing though I think Todd rocks...
;0*
**Don't throw tomatoes, please.**
I used to like that song before they played the shit out of it.
Can't stand them.
And Reno is so not a great town. Unless you count the Nugget.
Im sorry but i hate that song too - somehow its on my ipod and keeps coming up in shuffle - its god's way of letting me know he hates me
Funny you should mention them. We poke fun of the university newspaper all the time (how they find all the fuckers on campus that failed english 101 and make them write for the wider public), and we've put up a board of "Nameless Newspaper's Greatest Hits" at work for everyone to see. End of last semester their "music reviewer" (a Norman in Abercrombie) did a review of that album Photograph is on (not gonna bother to look). When we, my smartass friends and I, got to one section in which this uber-cool reviewer wrote, "And what exactly is on Joey's head?" I did die a little inside. My left ovary will never be fruitful again.
Absolutely outstanding post! I blogged about these guys in a post aptly titled Things That Annoy Me. They were number 1.
I don't understand their popularity. I think they're popular with the crowd that has an airbrushed license plate on the front of their car. I think they'll be opening up for Loverboy on their national County Fair tour!
Message received.
Also, I wrote something for you on my blog.
I bet they get into a lot of women's private parts though!
And honestly, the radio-friendly crap songs are the worst ones on their albums. Some of the songs actually rock.
love your title post...good! nickelback....bad! i thought i was just too old and didn't get their fame....
nickelback is my father.
Andi, you have to tell me what newspaper you're talking about! I collect bad college-newspaper prose and parody. You can e-mail me if you want (see my profile).
Off topic, but I have some friends going to Vegas for the weekend - I want to make them a Vegas survival kit. What might one need to survive there for three days? (Other than your phone number . . . )
i know!!!
i think you should add default and a few others that sound all the same. TERRIBLE!
I ABSOLUTELY concur with this denouncement.
Nicklesuck can probably ONLY be countered with one other sucky, troglodytic band...
Puddle of Shit
(Puddle of Mudd).
Fuck this. Now, I'm going to listen to some Jesus and Mary Chain.
I need a nap.
Dude, Todd is totally a rocknroll name. What about Todd Rundgren? He don't want to work, he just want to bang on the drum all day! Some of the kickassest rock stars ever have pretty fruity names...Elvis, Freddy, Roger, Jimi, Geddy...what the hell kind of name is Geddy?
I mean, c'mon...we can't all be named Bono or The Edge, right?
They suck and sound like a Def Leppard cover band, and the lead singer's perm is offensive as his lame asss lyrics. No, I don't know what the hell is on Joey's head, and quite frankly, I find it bit sarcastic that you would ask me when you know good and well how that cum got there.
ian,
they spent all their creative energy on the name.
knitty,
as long as your hatred of me keeps you young, I'm okay with it.
sugafree,
are you in any way connected to "housekeeper"? Are you married to her? She's my usual Reno watchdog.
bawlz,
we can't have that, can we?
cherry,
crap is universal.
nick,
you will now be forced to spend your afterlife listening to Kenny G. I hope your little joke was worth it.
tlsd,
your flattery is much appreciated.
kat,
I'm mailing the tomatoes to you, and they are rotten. I still love you, though.
teri,
I hope you weren't wearing nice panties.
hey,what about big head TODD and the monsters...???...oh wait, you're right...yeah, todd + rock=suck, sorry...
Kris,
you are going to have to answer to my Reno people.
ams,
how did it get on your ipod? Have you no control?
andi,
the stupidity of supposedly educated people always amazes me.
cincy,
I think couples who have each other's names airbrushed on t-shirts pick Photograph as "their song".
ubie,
you are the best. Thanks.
real,
I can't imagine them being anything but sucky.
nick,
I'm really not much of a Floyd fan.
afrom,
not too old, too smart.
kendra,
then send me some money. It's the least you can do for having such a rich, sucky dad.
ian,
bad college newspaper writing is very funny.
kris,
they'll need money, a jacket, condoms, back-up liver, and no sense of shame.
3.14,
amen.
fritz,
I don't have as many unwanted "encounters" with Puddle of Mudd songs.
ubie,
sweet dreams.
hulkster,
Todd Rundgren? Nope.
todd,
that perm makes me angry.
mindlessgirl,
aren't they dirty smelly hippies?
I was seriously FRIGHTENED when I saw how well their last CD was selling. Clearly, thousands of people enjoy this tripe.
Then again, this nation made Barry Manilow hit #1 on the charts recently, too.
Kenny G. is the bomb.
Not sure how I showed up here, but I thought I'd say hello. You're personal ad from the previous post is entertaining. And Nickleback? They can kiss my ass.
From a Vegas native transplanted to Atlanta (who spent the better part of the last month trying to remember how to get from one end of the city in under 30 minutes to the other in rush-hour traffic), just wanted to say hello. :)
What?!? No more airbrushed shirts?!? Damn
(((strikes a match and burns "Todd & Kitty 4-Ever" shirts)))
You are correct.
I don't get around the internet much you see...
I like how that new person showed up and had to stare at my "Kenny G. id the bomb comment" That makes my day.
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! Im so pissed I missed this post@!!!!!!!@#$@$#@$
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