Saturday, March 18, 2006
The World Series of Blogging
Note: Yeah, this is an early post. I'm going out, if that's okay with you.

Why is poker on every channel these days? Who actually sits in front of their television and watches other people gamble? Is there any activity too mundane for cable TV?

I think blogging should be televised. Furthermore, I think MY blogging should be televised. They could set up a camera crew at my house and have commentators analyze my every move. Sometimes, they would be joined by a popular blogging expert, like that chick from Dooce or maybe even Brooke. But mostly there would only be two commentators, who I'll call Douchebag1 and Douchebag2.

D1: "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the World Series of Blogging. I'm Tom Harrel along with Frank DeMarco. Here we are at the house of Todd as he prepares to write an entry to his obscure, d-list blog, viva las vegass."

D2: "Is that title supposed to be funny? Oh, and it should be pointed out that this house is a rental. Todd is much too poor to be a homeowner."

D1: "Yes, perhaps if he didn't spend so much time in front of a computer he could find more gainful employment. Here he comes from the kitchen area, Frank, and it looks like he has a can of Coke Zero."

D2: "He's not fooling anyone with that diet soda, Tom. This guy is fat."

D1: "It says here he's lost almost thirty pounds on Weight Watchers."

D2: "Holy fried mozzarella sticks, Batman! Are you saying he used to weigh even more? How is that possible?"

D1: "Well, enough insulting his physical appearance. Let's begin insulting his shitty blog."

D2: "Maybe his blog would make more sense if he didn't watch VH-1 Classic while writing it."

D1: "I hope he writes more self-pitying tripe about how lonely he is; boy, I can't get enough of that crap."

D2: "Or maybe he'll use the word 'cunt' as an adjective. That MIGHT have been funny the first time he did it."

D1: "It was never funny."

D2: "I stand corrected."

D1: "It looks like he's downloading a picture from the internet, since he's too poor to buy a digital camera and take his own photos."

D2: "He's writing now. His sentence structure makes my balls hurt, Tom."

D1: "He mentions boobs quite often, but if this buffoon fell into a ten-acre titty patch he'd walk out sucking his thumb."

D2: "Maybe he'll talk about strippers. It's hard to believe an overweight, underemployed middle-aged man is a fan of strip clubs."

D1: "Look, he's finished already. Another tossed off, half-assed effort by the creator of viva las vegass."

D2: "He's a wart on the crotch of blogging, Tom."

Okay, on second thought maybe I don't want to be on television after all.


28 Comments:

Blogger miss kendra said...

yes you do.

you could be the next whoever that guy was.

and wouldn't that be special?

Blogger Übermilf said...

I'd watch it.

Blogger Kath said...

I'd totally watch.

What would be even sadder than that is when you have blogging buddies come to vist and all 4 of you sit there, simultaneously blogging at the same time.

Not that I've ever done that, of course.

Blogger Egan said...

They have poker on tv at the gym. Man, I slave away for 45 minutes in the pool and these poker freaks are making shitloads of money on a game of chance and some counting. Lame.

Blogger Steph said...

I'd watch too. I would even create a blog dedicated to the blog show. Genius.

Blogger FRITZ said...

Todd: We love you because you put it all out there. And something else to remember: while you're pitying yourself in your rental home and d-list blog, may I remind you that some of us are ALSO fat and poor and (even worse) are the sole proprieters of F-list blogs?

F-list, Todd. Think about it.

Your blog is surely on the B-list by now. At least, it's an A-list for me--so averaging that out with my F-list blog, you're at a batting average of C.

And average, my friend, is AWESOME.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I would never say any of those things, and I would kick them in the crotch if they said such slander while I was there!

Blogger MollyNormal said...

"His sentence structure makes my balls hurt, Tom."

HA HA HA Todd -- if I had a pair of balls, they'd tingle for you!!

Blogger Übermilf said...

My cupcakes are tingling.

Blogger Blonde said...

A wart on the crotch of blogging...again pure poetry.

I wouldn't want my blogging televised. I am usually naked and scary looking. I do it in my down time.

I would watch you blogging though...

Blogger The real me said...

You'd simply need to post pictures of all your hot admirers (those of us who actually like to read your blog...) and the show would be a hit.

You'd have to make Egan disappear though...

Blogger Claudia said...

At least your blog makes it to "d" on the list. My blog is so shitty that it doesnt even make it to a letter place, it's more like %-list or #-list. I'm with Fritz, revel in your average-ness.

Blogger little ol' me? said...

I don't watch the poker bullshit, but I would watch you anyday!

BTW....I love your sentence structure!

Blogger Secret said...

You are definitely an "A" list for me Todd! I love your stuff!

Blogger tlsd said...

Average?! Did someone say average... come on guys... that's harsh!! I spit in your eye!

Oh Todd you made my neighbour come around to see if I was ok. I was laughing so much she thought I was having a fit.

"wart on the crotch of blogging"... no stop I'm crying now... hahhahhahaha

Blogger Nick said...

If they were going to use language like that it would have to be on HBO.

Blogger Princess LadyBug said...

I would watch every episode. AND I'd start a groupie blog.

Your self-deprecating humor doesn't fool those of us that think you ROCK!

And frankly I don't care what you weigh. That wicked sense of humor and sharp wit of yours makes you damn sexy.

Blogger Lush said...

Just think of all the sponsorship deals your could broker. Home Depot for one. I hear the tinkle of a cash cow heading your way Todd.

Blogger FRITZ said...

Note: For those of you unfamiliar with my idea of a compliment, may I please explain that I stare at life from the bottom of a trash can, lined in mold and covered in used tampons. Looking up to average is like standing at the foot of Mount Olympus.

So, here is the NEW analogy, so that Todd will understand:
Todd's Blog:A Golden Palace of Concubines
as
Fritz's Blog:A really boring hovel in Afghanistan.

Clear enough?

Blogger yournamehere said...

kendra,
drinking again?

ubie,
you would be in charge of the "Cupcake of the Week" segment (where you could also state your political views); if you would be so kind, of course.

kath,
be careful of the simultaneous blogging. It can get messy.

egan,
poker at the gym? Why don't they just show competitive eating competititions?

steph,
a blog show blog? An entire cottage industry could pop up.

fritz,
sometimes I think putting it all out there is a bad thing; like maybe I should have lied more.

brooke,
that's one of the reasons you'd be there; the other reasons being your wit, charm, status as most popular blogger I know, and the fact that I'm in love with you.

molly,
do I make your femme nuts tingle?

ubie,
well, my work here is done then!

blonde,
you blog naked? Would you blog for me when you're in Vegas?

Blogger yournamehere said...

real,
why so mean to egan? We need a guy who isn't fat to capture the young girl demographic. We could show him training for his triathalon while I watch Saved by the Bell reruns and eat pastries.

claudia,
I love your blog because YOU write it, and your exploits as a young, hot Canadian chick are often discussed.

little ol',
women who love my sentence structure turn me on.

teri,
judging from your profile pic, I'd love your stuff as well. Thanks.

tlsd,
was your neighbor a hot chick? Did you both have a laugh about the misunderstanding, and then strip down to your knickers and have a pillow fight? Cool.

nick,
hells yeah, right after the Sopranos.

ladybug,
thanks for the compliments. Good luck on the groupie blog, though. There would be hate mail involved, I fear.

lush,
the cash cow is probably infested with e-coli, with my luck. Have I mentioned how sexy your neck is?

fritz,
no need to explain yourself, sweetness. And I'd rather be engaged to someone who loves me than have a blog; so there's nothing wrong with your life.

Blogger Brookelina said...

Todd, of all those things, you being in love with me is the one that will give me sweet dreams tonight.

Blogger aughra said...

All I can think to say is that I wish I had VH1 Classic.

I'm currently blogging with Chinatown on in the background.

Blogger Cincysundevil said...

I'd totally watch it. Of course, I'd have like 2 pizza boxes, empty bags of cheetos, and an empty 12 pack of Diet Cokes.

Blogger SRB said...

I don't think the douchebag commentators could be that funny actually. You give them too much credit. Funny post.

Blogger yournamehere said...

brooke,
add "sweet" to the list of your many positive attributes. You made my day.

aughra,
VH-1 Classic is a gift from the gods (as are you).

cincy,
add a bunch of Rolaids to that list.

eden,
hey, you're back. Yeah, I had to make the commentators entertaining.

Blogger Princess LadyBug said...

Dude, look at your comments. You already have groupies.

Blogger FRITZ said...

Todd: You are a dear, dear man. It will all come back to you...tenfold.

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