Tuesday, August 07, 2007
I just can't do Weight Watchers, man

Someone took a picture of me eating pizza at Impellizeri's on Sunday. Yeah, I think I need to lose a few layers of toppin's and fixin's.

Weight Watchers, unfortunately, is out of the question. The last time I joined Weight Watchers I was very successful at losing weight in the beginning, but then I stopped going to the meetings. Why? Because too many people there had filthy, unwashed hair!

That's a good reason to die alone and morbidly obese, isn't it? I think so. When it comes to a dirty, stinky mop head, this Dude does NOT abide.

And frankly, the neighborhood in Henderson, NV where I last attended Weight Watchers was in a rather upscale area. Imagine the foul, squalid head-thatch on display among people who make the kind of money I make. I shudder to think!

So I'm probably going to start living on a diet of iceberg lettuce and Coke Zero.


Blogger brookelina said...

Here lies Todd - dead of extra cheese and pepperoni.

Blogger Flounder said...

I am going to join you on your weight loss endeavor, for moral support.

I am currently on a diet, well, actually two. The first one didn't give me enough to eat.

I can already smell the sweet aroma of success my friend.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I was going to join weight watchers because even though my doctor warned me, I can't seem to stop eating delcious things.

Blogger Liv said...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE that picture. Spaceballs. BEST. MOVIE. EVER.

And I'll go on that diet with you as long as we can replace lettuce with Grey Goose. :)

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

I quit a gym because I didn't like the pendulous shape of the braless woman who sat next to me. It was like two bloated divining rods, seeking water in two very different directions.

I was skeeved, yet totally aroused at the same time.

This bothered me so much that I stopped exercising for a year!

Blogger Melissa said...

Hee, you used a Spaceballs picture, and I totally adore that. :)

Dirty, stanky, greezy-headed people would be enough to drive me away from Weight Watchers as well.

Then again, "She blinked at me funny" would be enough to drive me away from Weight Watchers...

Blogger Melissa said...

There's an online version of Weight Watchers, and everyone in the pictures has bouncin' and behavin' hair.

Blogger Sysm said...

If only the things that were good for you weren't so much fucking hard work, we'd all be fit as a fiddle and ready for love.

Masturbation is only good for 10 calories.

I've done tens of calories worth of exercise.

All for naught.

Blogger Nick said...

That girl's ass on the post before this is banging. I don't know what that means but Da Shop Boyz say it and so, too, must I.

Blogger miss kendra said...

lettuce and coke zero?

you mean i can have LETTUCE TOO????

Blogger Cold Hands said...

join the online group you freakshow! Or just embrace the girth, that's what I do :)

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Heh heh. "Embrace the girth."

I think we should start a group weight loss blog that incorporates my pie recipes and a more rigorous version of Sysm's workout plan.

Pie is good for you, right?

Blogger Joe said...

I don't know that pie is good for you, but it is good. Pie and beer... shit, no wonder I'm so fat.

Blogger Cold Hands said...

I like the way Tits thinks... I am down with just about anything that involves pie.

Mmmmmmmm... pie.

Blogger April said...

Pie & beer?? Oh, man...that is such a delicious combination.

And, thank-you for the congrats! :)

Blogger la dolce said...

I've been killing myself at the gym lately. My whole body is so fucking sore. But it's worth it not to take a 8 ball of Ambien to get to bed at night.

Blogger yournamehere said...

there are worse ways to go.

I smelled something, but it was freshly baked cinnamon rolls.

I'm sure the Downer's Grove WW is full of people with gorgeous hair.

consider it done.

spinning girl,
what if I told you that was actually a man?!

not a fan of groups, I take it?

they're filthy fucking liars.

I blame the death of Vaudeville.

I take all of my cultural cues from rap groups that won't exist in six months.

it sounds too good to be true, huh?

cold hands,
but you're a cute girl with big tits. It's a little different for me.

this sounds a lot like a deleted scene from the director's cut of American Pie.

ain't nothin' wrong with pie.

cold hands,
I'm turned on right now.

have you had the pie flavored beer? Not great.

la dolce,
what is this exercise of which you speak?

Blogger Anna said...


I have recently come to terms with the fact that while I am highly skilled at finding fault with everyone around me, it's really only another excuse to stay fat and unhappy.

My current leader is 6'5 and lost 294lbs. So, does it really matter that his group facilitation skills aren't as strong as mine? Hmmm...

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

You should try the Diet Coke, microwave popcorn and ex-lax diet. It worked like a charm for me.

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