Monday, November 12, 2007
Christmas Abomination Part One

Well, I'm not celebrating Christmas this year, or maybe ever again, thanks to this horror.

The other night I was hindered from sleep by thoughts of my shitty job, weight problem, and lack of romantic interests. I was finally able to coax myself to slumber by thinking "At least Larry the Cable Guy doesn't have a Christmas album."

Oh, how wrong I was. This assault on civilization had already been out for weeks as I lay there misleading myself.

I love the fact that it's available on iTunes. "I might live in a trailer park and use my common-law wife as an ashtray, but by god I'm digital!" says the modern day Larry fan. "Come visit me on Christmas Eve for some oatmeal-n-meth scotchies and GHB rapenog."

Very few CD covers anger me, but this is a rare exception. Looking at his insipid face, I can just imagine Larry stumbling around a mall in a sleeveless Santa outfit, telling minority kids they aren't getting anything for Christmas.

TOMORROW: Christmas Abomination Part Two


15 Comments:

Blogger Jo said...

I don't know who Larry the Cable Guy is. Is it important for me to know? Maybe I should buy the CD.

Blogger yourflounderhere said...

Nothing says Christmas quite like Larry the Cable Guy.

Git-R-Dun!

Blogger EmmaK said...

what about looking at the glass like its half full? What about saying, if a loser like that can get famous maybe I can too ? ;)

Blogger GiveEmHellHarry said...

Isn't this one of the signs of the Apocalypse? "And behold, idiocy appeared riding a redneck horse and morons followed in his wake."

Blogger yellowdart said...

Glad to hear im not the only one that despises Larry the Cable Guy. To this day the phrase "Git-R-Dun" still sends me into a rage blackout.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

No idea who this guy is. No desire to find out.

This could be a great "12 Days of Christmas" theme.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I bet he gets all melty inside his furry red Santa britches.

WTF, where did my previous comment go?

Blogger yournamehere said...

I did not delete any comments.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

this frightens me.

Blogger Jo said...

OH! Git-er-done! I HAVE heard of that. He's funny :-) I mean, sort of funny. Not TODD funny, of course.

Blogger John said...

It's worse than you think. Larry is actually quite intelligent. So he's not even an honest redneck. He cynically plays one to relieve millions of their government checks every year. I kind of admire that about him.

Blogger egan said...

This is very troubling. I'm glad Flounder beat me to the Git-R-Dun line.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Larry the Cable Guy makes my nut-kicking foot itchy.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

Boy, are Wal-Mart's checkout scanners gonna melt from the collective friction of these flying off the shelves! Then who'll have to stop denying global warming?

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