Sunday, October 05, 2008
Interview With a Swing Voter

I've taken some shots at the average swing voter, and maybe that's not fair, so I've decided to send the near-legendary Death Wore a Feathered Mullet news team to interview Sindee May Stevens, of Warren, Ohio. Sindee is a swing voter from a "battleground" state, so I'm guessing she's dumb as a stump. Let's see, shall we?

DWAFM: Boss tattoo, Sindee!

Sindee: Thanks! My cousin Dwayne works at a tattoo parlor.

DWAFM: Did he do that to you?

Sindee: Naw, he cleans the shitters there. This other guy did it.

DWAFM: Anyway, what are the issues that concern you this year?

Sindee: That shit's all complicated, I don't know... I want someone I can relate to, you know?

DWAFM: Sadly, I do know. What do you do for a living?

Sindee: Well, I worked at a chicken rendering plant for five years, but then when the state raised the minimum wage to $7 an hour, they closed up and moved to China.

DWAFM: What were you making before the plant closed?

Sindee: $6.50 an hour.

DWAFM: So they chose to move overseas rather than pay American workers an extra fifty cents an hour?

Sindee: I guess. Can you hurry this along? My stories are on the tv. Once you miss a day it's hard to catch back up.

DWAFM: Sure. Are you leaning toward any ticket at this time? Is there anyone who "speaks to you"?

Sindee: I really like that Sarah Palin. She reminds me of my first husband, only she can have kids like me.

DWAFM: Your first husband was politically active?

Sindee: Naw, but he hunted and fished and always smiled while he punched me in the face.

DWAFM: Wow. That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Do you think a vote for McCain/Palin is a vote for your best interests?

Sindee: They say they put country first. I saw it on the tv.

DWAFM: I have neither the patience nor the advertising budget to dispute that logic.

Sindee: Huh?

DWAFM: Never mind. (pause) But you still haven't made up your mind 100%?

Sindee: Look dude, my friend Renee is having a birthday party the night before the election, so I might not even make it to vote. I could be sleeping one off.

DWAFM: Well, thanks for your time, Sindee. I'm going to go drive the Death Wore a Feathered Mullet news van off the side of a fucking cliff.


12 Comments:

This comment has been removed by the author.

Not to worry bro. People like the one you have satirized here will want to take advantage of Obama's numerous proposed entitlement programs at the expense of someone like myself. People like her will swing for Obama in droves. As the saying goes, "Those who rob Vast to pay Sindee, can always count on Sindee's vote. Well, let me just say that the "Sindee's" of the world can suck my balls.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

VRWC is right! The only people who are entitled to anything are the wealthy and privileged! And then when they suck everyone dry, the middle class can bail them out so they can land softly in their golden parachutes.

God bless America.

Now that is some brilliant journalism.

Blogger Übermilf said...

Thinking is too hard. Can't someone else do it for me?

Blogger Übermilf said...

Okay, I know I shouldn't engage VRWC in debate, but...

the only people I know personally who are bilking the system (I need social security because my toe hurts!) are committed Republicans who have the sheer audacity to tell me about imaginary black people living off the system.

Without blinking an eye at their own hypocrisy.

It seems (rather unfortunately) that you people think that I own a giant multi national company. I own a company that has 8 employees that I built from the ground up. I work 7 days, 80-90 hours a week, and have done so for the past DECADE. I, through a work ethic that NONE of you can begin to contemplate, earn over $250K per year. The combined taxes Obama wants me to pay is nearly 60%. If any of you think that is somehow fair, you should move to Cuba, or better yet, do the world a favor and fucking kill yourself.

Blogger yournamehere said...

I love Cuban food. I might move there.

Bro, calm down. Keep repeating to yourself "It's only a blog. It's only a blog."

In all fairness, the only suicides I recommend are for Sarah Palin, Sean Hannity, and Dane Cook (who's probably a democrat, but politics aren't everything).

Blogger Übermilf said...

It takes guts to express an unpopular opinion, and I respect VRWC for showing up and speaking his mind.

Everyone needs to hear opposing viewpoints; it's the only way we learn anything new.

For example, I was trying to point out that some dyed-in-the-wool republicans suck from the government teat while deriding others.

Scarlet was trying to point out that paying exorbitant money to failures seems to violate the free market concept.

Maybe we didn't do that well, or did that in a way that seemed like a personal attack. That's unfortunate.

Without arguing about the actual truth of your tax assertion, or even pointing out that the legislative branch is the one who determines taxation, I would like to point something out to you, VRWC.

Not all work is rewarded with money. I'm sure there've been many nights you slept snug in your bed at 2 or 3 a.m., while I nursed a baby or cleaned up vomit and changed sheets or comforted my child who just had a nightmare. That is also a work ethic.

If you want to view the election or the running of this country in a vacuum, limiting your decision to the impact it has on your immediate financial future, that is your choice. Just be advised that some people may have different ideas on the subject, and that doesn't make them Communists or deserving of death.

I know that others work hard in non financial roles. I am thankful that you provide excellent care to your child as you should. When my wife has our baby in December, we will do the same. But do any of you honestly think that by putting punitive taxes on me, that it won't hurt people like those who work for me? I can 100% guarantee you that if I have to pay 60 cents of every dollar I make to the governement, I will have to let employees go. If I am mandated, as Obama wants, to provide each of my employees with healthcare, it will RUIN my business and I will be FORCED to let people go. You're right, if you think that this is an intelligent way to do things, that is your right as an American. You do not deserve to die and I apologize for insinuating that you do. It does, however, show a breathtaking level of naivety on how businesses are run. Bottom line is that if I am severely punished financially, the wonderful people who work for me and their families will unfortunately be the ones who pay the biggest price. You are smart people, why don't liberals understand that?

Blogger Übermilf said...

I think maybe what you mean is we don't know the burdens of running your own business, not so much a work ethic thing.

And you're right; I can only imagine. And when a lot of us get angry at "corporations," we're thinking about people like this, not you.

And I agree that it shouldn't be your job (or any employer's job) to shoulder the burden for medical costs run amok. I agree that too many people are without basic health care, and we need healthy citizens for a healthy nation, but something's wrong with the whole system and handing the bill to you won't fix that.

But I just don't know where you're getting that 60 percent tax figure.

While you may be able to persuade me why the Democrats don't have the answers (they disappoint me all the time), I don't think you'll ever be able to persuade me that McCain and the Republicans DO.

39.6% Fed tax rate
13.8% Self employment tax
6.8% s.s. tax. used to be only on the 1st 102K a person makes. Obama will make it on the entire amount you earn.

60.2%

Doesn't include the corporate taxes my company pays that will be greatly increased under Obama, or the increased payroll taxes he proposes I pay, or the 100% increase in capital gains tax he proposes (from 15% to 30%) that directly effect business investments I make.

Thank merciful God I live in NV where there are no state income taxes, or I would work for free. In all seriousness, if this becomes reality, I will basically shut down my company and let most if not all of my people go. Maybe all the jobs Obama proposes to create will be at the unemployment office.

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