Friday, May 29, 2009
Friday notes
-In the soul-crushing world of online dating, every single woman with children writes "My kids are my life." That's great and all, but JUST ONCE I'd like to read "I don't give a shit about my brats. Who wants to party?"

-As a college basketball fan begrudgingly watching the NBA playoffs, I have one question: Why doesn't LeBron James just take the ball and barrel through the lane every single play? He can do whatever he wants - travel, knock standing defenders down - and the refs will never call it. Ever. How does Cleveland ever lose a game?

-Apparently someone named Ashley from Rock of Love Bus was in town last night at some douchey bar. Why wasn't I informed of this? I had my Axe body spray ready! I want to see this girl naked, mostly because it's rumored she has the names of guys she gave genital warts tattooed all over her body. She's what happens when step-dads have boundary issues, folks.

-When California goes completely broke, what pithy one-liner will Governor Ah-nuld pull out of his ass to get a cheap laugh from the assembled media? I'm guessing "I'll be bankruptcy court." And then maybe he'll refer to the judge who freezes all of the state's assets as a "girly man." That's always comedy gold.

-Yeah, that's all I got. First post since Monday and this is it. Sorry.