Monday, July 06, 2009
Indiana
Sunday I was driving down a local boulevard behind a car with an Indiana license plate. Naturally, he was driving a good fifteen miles under the posted speed limit and suddenly turned without signaling.

He turned into an Applebee's. What, they don't have an Applebee's in Southern Indiana? You had to cross the bridge and ruin my Sunday? Do the riblets at a Louisville Applebee's taste more "southern" to you, dipshit?

Ok, I'm laying down the law: Stay in Indiana unless you plan on supporting a locally owned business while you're over here. And stop coming over and taking our jobs, you Hoosier job takers!

From now on, only the following groups of Southern Indiana residents are allowed to work in Louisville:

-Heart Surgeon
If you can fiddle with a ticker, we'll take you.

-Stripper
If you're a female who wants to take her clothes off in front of us, we'll allow that.

-Bartender who really pours a strong drink
Bartenders who pour weak ass drinks can stay on the other side of the river.

That's about it. Get lost, the rest of you!


6 Comments:

Blogger Chris said...

first they came for the bartenders who pour weak ass drinks...

...and I said nothing.

Because those fuckers can stay the fuck out.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Indiana makes me nervous.

Anyone from any state that borders Indiana understands exactly what you're saying here.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

I saw one of those "In God We Trust" license plates and thought it was a specialty plate, but apparently it isn't. Dan Quayle was behind that, I just know it.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

Didn't you say you were posting every day this month? Hello...Tuesday!

Blogger Tracy said...

I'll be in Evansville next week. I'm going to cross that river just for you just to be a slow drivin' clothes wearin' weak ass drink pourin Ill-annoyin! I may leave my blinker on for 5 miles too!

Blogger yournamehere said...

Tracy,
Evansville is a hundred miles away. Drive as slow as you want.

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