Facebook

I have mixed feelings about Facebook. But then again, I have mixed feelings about everything but microbrewed beer. Still, there are many colors in the Facebook rainbow, and some of them are as annoying as shit.

-How often do you get this update: A friend just sent you a vial of pig sperm. Want to find out who sent it? Click here. So yeah, I'm curious as to who would send me a vial of pig sperm, so I click and it won't tell me unless I subscribe to ten different magazines and join the Air Force. Facebook my friend, it just isn't that important to me.

-Why are people I barely know challenging me to quizzes? You're my cousin's ex-girlfriend; what difference does it make which one of us knows more about Gilligan's Island?

"You know who probably thinks he knows a lot about Gilligan's Island but probably doesn't know as much about Gilligan's Island as he thinks he does?"

"Who?"

"Remember Brian's cousin, Todd, the guy we met at that bar that one time?"

"Yeah, he totally seemed like a guy who'd overestimate his Gilligan's Island knowledge."

"I'm going to challenge him to quiz-off on Facebook. The subject: Gilligan's Island."

"Well played, madame. Well played."

-I joined "Mobsters" several months ago and have not once played it. As in never. But several times a day I get notices that (Insert name here) won a fight with your help! Click here to collect your reward. Keep your reward, because I didn't help you, at least not willingly. Am I "killing the police chief" and "bribing a judge" while I sleep? I demand answers!

-There's an opinion poll for everything, and the latest is Who's Right: Kanye or Taylor? Really? Is this a debate? This Taylor person was accepting a crappy award when a drunk guy grabbed the mic from her and told her she didn't deserve to win. Oh, the dilemma over which one was right...

Having said that, enough crocodile tears for Taylor Swift. "Wah...the nineteen-year-old millionaire who won the genetic lottery had a moment of discomfort. Boo hooo." Yes, Kanye is an asshole. We all agree. Now move along, please.

-I also get this a lot: (Insert name here) took the "Which failed birth control am I?" quiz with the result: "I am a busted condom."

And then they'll comment "I thought I'd be a forgotten pill, or at least the Rhythm Method."