It's Official: Society is Retarded

The internet is like the cell phone in that both are sometimes entertaining modern conveniences that have undoubtedly made society far far worse than it was before their respective inceptions. For example, there is quite a stir over President Obama's televised address to the nation's children on the subject of the importance of staying in school. Right-wingers are outraged that someone they didn't vote for and who doesn't share every single one of their core beliefs is going to talk to their kids.

I know facts are like nuclear waste to the Dittoheads, but it's a FACT that Ronald Reagan gave a televised speech to school kids back in the 80s; and it's a FACT that George HW Bush followed suite. I was alive during those events, and the "outrage" just wasn't there. The people, if any, who were offended were most likely isolated loners left to stew quietly in their own bitter juices.

But now there's the 24-hour news channels and the internet to supply and distribute uninformed opinion, so the isolated loners are connected. Don't believe me? Hell, you're reading the opinions of an isolated loner RIGHT NOW!

I'm going to guess how this "controversy" came about: Some Fox News flunky said "Obama is trying to indoctrine your children," and it ended up on a million blogs. Suddenly some idiot's half-assed agenda is being reported as if Jesus wrote it on Christina Hendricks' tits. Then several million simpletons who can't be bothered to write paragraphs twittered "Blah blah Obama blah brainswash blah."

The solution to all of this is simple. If you hate Obama so much that you don't want him telling children to stay in school, simply wait for your child to get home and tell him/her that dropping out is perfectly acceptable. Everyone wins.

I read somewhere that this perceived liberal indoctrination will lead to an increase in home-schooling. Oh, that's just fucking great. Exactly what this country needs, more social outcasts who think the Earth is flat.

"Honey, I just realized that everyday life might accidentally subject our child to alternative viewpoints."

"Well fuck that. I want the seed of my loins to be narrow-minded and willfully ignorant, just like us. Let's home school her."

"But...but we're both fucking morons."

"So?"

Fuck it... I'm all for the total collapse of civilization. Since I can already read the internet on my cell phone, someone needs to invent a phone that will give me orgasms and store my excrement, for I no longer have the energy to find drunken whores and public toilets.

Oh, and Happy Labor Day!