This is not an advice post. I don't seriously expect any of you to take dating advice from a guy whose personal soundtrack is "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" played on a continuous loop. These are just observations for you to consider before you act. In fact, I suggest you read some of my archives and anytime I've written about my actions regarding personal relationships, go ahead and do the exact opposite.
I've done some online dating in the past, meaning I've responded to "profiles" placed on various sites by single females. I've also placed a profile on a site or two, and although ignored for the most part, I have had a few enquiries. Here are a few things I've learned.
-If a woman announces she wants "No Drama" rest assured you're dealing with a Drama Queen. It wouldn't even occur to a lady who really hates drama to mention it in her ad, let alone make it the headline of said ad. Yeah, she wants lots of drama, she just doesn't want YOUR drama. Her drama is sweeping and majestic and pure; while your drama is small and trivial and sordid.
-It's the same way with girls who "don't want to play games". Yes, a lot of females truly don't want this, but the ones who mention games are already playing them. Naturally, her game is the Super Bowl. Your game is the "special" class playing Duck Duck Goose.
-Women who already have children are less likely to be charmed by your immaturity. And of course by "your" immaturity I mean "my" immaturity.
-Upon further reflection, women who don't have children aren't charmed by it either.
-If a female calls you "interesting" and you can almost see the quotes around the word as it comes out of her mouth, you will never ever see her again. Ever.
-Women who don't drink are the devil. Do you want to date the devil? Do you want to hang out with Sober Satan? Didn't think so.
-Find out if she has a really annoying laugh before you take her to see The Hangover. I realize this is technically advice and I said before to never take my advice, but go ahead and take it this time. Seriously.
-I would say if you know there isn't going to be a second date and she does the polite "pretend to offer to pay half the check" thing, go ahead and let her; but honestly I've never done this. And a couple of times I really should have. See? Even I don't follow my advice.
-If you are on yahoo personals and see a beautiful girl in her early twenties looking for men "Between 18 and 60" she's either an escort or a prisoner. Or both.
I realize this list may seem a tad sexist, but "female" is the only sex I date. If it makes you feel any better I want to punch ninety percent of the men I have to deal with on a daily basis; and I believe my own faults have been well documented on this site.