Friday, July 31, 2009
Speaking of children who don't have a prayer...
Michael Jackson's children, the kids magically brought to him by a winged unicorn during a full moon, will be raised by Jackson's mom, 79-year-old Katherine. What, was John Ramsey unavailable? Actually, the children's "mom", Debbie Rowe, reached a deal to avoid a custody battle, but some government entity had to sign off on this, right? You can't just give your children to old people, can you?

Oh, and there was no money involved with this deal, according to the people involved in the obvious exchange of money.

It's a stretch to expect any 79-year-old to raise two small children, but this is Katherine Jackson we're talking about. She's the parental Houdini who worked her evil magic on Michael, Latoya and the other six weirdos who fell out of her revolving-door 'giner, so obviously she can drop her schedule of Matlock reruns and early bird cafeteria specials to do right by these kids. And by "do right" I mean "ruin their lives".

This is one instance where we need one of those "activist judges" Sean Hannity is always warning us about. Someone needs to swoop in and save these kids from the elderly woman who raised Michael Jackson as a trained seal and the bogus mom who agreed to a sham marriage for cold hard cash.

I say give them to Jennifer Aniston.


6 Comments:

I say give me to Jennifer Anniston.

Blogger foundinidaho said...

Hell, give them to Brad and Angelina. They couldn't possibly turn out worse. Oops, now I've cursed that too.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

You should take them, Todd. Going to the park with kids is a great way to pick up chicks.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

What happened to Dickensian workhouses? Bush left office before fulfilling his mission.

Blogger Johnny Yen said...

Yeah, of course-- since she did such a great job raising her own children.

Blogger Miss Pants said...

The first thing I thought of when I heard Momma Jackson was getting those kids (besides how unbelievably horribly she fucked up Michael) was watching a Jackson Family made for TV movie as a kid where the kids had to choose their own "switch" from the tree to be whipped. I guess judges don't watch TV?

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