Thursday, July 30, 2009
The Orphanage Solution
I was out in public today and I'm convinced there aren't enough orphanages in America. Allow me to explain. There are too many kids who are walking around just filthy-ass dirty, like Gale and Eville Snoats in an all-midget remake of Raising Arizona (I pray they never make this movie, as I would surely laugh myself to death).

I understand not making any money, really I do; but if you can't afford to keep your children from looking like a Dickensian chimney sweep THEY NEED TO BE TAKEN FROM YOU. And before anyone complains, I can tell the difference between "mischievous childhood frolicking" dirt and "my parents are too meth-addled to bathe me" dirt. The kids with the "good" filth don't have threadbare clothing, vacant eyes, or the gout from eating potted meats twice a day since birth.

Also, since I'm all about creating jobs all of a sudden, more orphanages mean more orphanage workers! Someone has to clean up these smelly little bastards, fix them their very first vegetable, and prove that not all adults will burn you with a lit generic cigarette for making too much noise during The Bachelor.


Blogger Christina LMT said...

Some people should never have kids to begin with. Unfortunately, sometimes you don't find this out until AFTER you've given birth!

I couldn't have said it better bro.

Cigarette my ass, I'll torch any little rug rat who makes a peep while I'm watching Lost.

Blogger Chris said...

potted meats twice a day?

well lah-di-dah!

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Why, I do believe you have a heart buried under that crusty exterior.

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