Saturday, August 15, 2009
Fat Hitler and the Smelly Guy
It wasn't a particularly busy or eventful Saturday at work, but there were a few "interesting" customers who stopped by to make all of our lives richer/a living hell.

The first customer I'll profile was a man I nicknamed Fat Hitler, because well...he was an overweight individual who had one of those moustaches that's dark in the middle and light gray on either side, so from far away it looks like a Hitler.

Hey, those of you who read this blog and know me personally, listen up: If I ever, for any reason, start to resemble a hated despot, please tell me. Don't let me go out of the house looking like a dead ringer for Mussolini or Pol Pot. I have enough troubles.

I don't have a pithy name for the next offending customer, so let's just call him The Smelliest Motherfucker in the History of Civilization. Seriously, this guy fucking STANK. Customers were leaving the store to get away from him. Employees were hiding en mass in the back office. This man smelled like every cat in America simultaneously pissed on a landfill. Mother Teresa wouldn't have hugged him. If he died his smell would improve.

Note to my brother: Remember the girl with the horrid sewer-cooter from the Have a Nice Day Cafe? I would rather eat Thanksgiving dinner inside her pussy than ever have to smell this guy again.

So how was your day?


Holy God. How the Fuck is that possible bro? HOW?! HOW?! We were convinced that her cooze was in fact The Hell Mouth, and to this day, I still believe that it was. How could anything smell worse than that? How is it chemically possible? I just don't know how it could be. Was it BO? What the fuck was it man? How could you survive the stench to tell the tale? I'm just stunned.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

How was my day? Call it made, my friend.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

This post is going to be part of my new diet. Everytime I want to eat I'm going to read about the smelly people to kill my appetite.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Fat Hitler and the Smelly Guy is part of ABC's new primetime lineup.

Blogger dizzy von damn! said...


This post is what keeps me coming back day after day. Holy shit man, you are insanely funny.

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