Monday, February 08, 2010
Fuck off, Brief Glimpses of False Hope
I was talking to a friend online today, and we were both wondering just why the fuck we're both occasionally optimistic about our lives. Why do we set ourselves up for the inevitable gut punch?

I blame Brief Glimpses of False Hope. They confuse me; they make me think life actually has true meaning, that I won't die miserable and alone, when I know damn well what's in store for me.

For example, why why why do I always develop stupid teenage-like crushes on women who have absolutely no romantic interest in me? Because I meet so few people I can stand that when I finally do I kind of fall for them? Maybe. But this needs to stop, because it's fucking killing me inside. This is the entire process:

-Hey, she's cool and laughs at my jokes and isn't a goddamn hillbilly. Awesome.

-Shit, she's all I think about.

-I'm nothing more than a clown to her. Now I'm so depressed I can barely function.

-Hey, this new person is cool and laughs at my jokes and isn't a goddamn hillbilly. Awesome.

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

This is an overshare, isn't it? This isn't something I should be blogging about. I should stick to hating Jay Leno and Sarah Palin and reviewing award shows at length. But I can't even write lately because I'm an empty shell of a human being. Jesus, I sound Emo now. That's all I need!

The only things that make me feel better are food and alcohol, but since no one loves a fat drunk, these are but temporary solutions to my problem.

Don't worry about me, though. A Brief Glimpse of False Hope will come around soon and I'll stupidly think things will be different.

Then they won't be different. I'm already bracing for the gut punch. Each punch hurts a little more than the previous one.


I'm sorry to hear about that bro. I guess we have to cling to those glimpses of hope in these times. When you least expect it, something will come through and surprise you. You are a good person and deserve good things. Don't give up.

I'm going to commit suicide now. Thanks.

Blogger Übermilf said...

Anything I say will just make things worse for you.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

A Brief Glimpse of False Hope should be the name of your novel.

Blogger LilSass said...

I really wanted to leave an asshole sarcastic comment. Because that's what you would do to me.

But I'm gonna be nice instead. It's this new thing I'm doing in 2010.


What should I say?

At least you aren't buried under 45 feet of snow like me in Baltimore. It would suck if you were here. Wait. That's not a nice thing to say at all. I'm sorry. I wish you were here. I live in a homo neighborhood so there wouldn't be any girls for you to fall in love with here. Except me. You'd probably love me more than you already do. Jesus, this isn't working at all.

Good idea Monkey, I'm gonna commit suicide now.

Blogger country roads said...

amen brother.

Blogger Monkey said...

I am more depressed than I was 2 minutes ago. I did not think that possible.

Thank you.

Blogger teri said...

She's waiting for you. You'll find her. Can't wait to hear about it when it happens. In the meantime, I'll just read your hilarious posts and wish you more Brief Glimpses of TRUE Hope.

Blogger Ally said...

Hey, girls go thru that sort of thing too!

Blogger foundinidaho said...

True hope does come, it just does. But it's a motherfucker in the meantime.

Blogger Liv said...

Hey! That was me!!!

Blogger Lydia La La said...

You are going to all the WRONG places to meet a bright, clever , happy, independent woman!!!

In a bar???? I don't think so..

Libraries, Book shops, Book sections of other shops, Horse sales etc, Photography Clubs...

You get my drift?

By the way. ... I'm a huge, huge fan of yours and I think I love you...
Only for your very clever mind!

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