Tuesday, May 17, 2005
The Smut Peddler Saga
When visitors to Las Vegas are surveyed, one of the things mentioned as a negative about our fair city is the endless sea of smut peddlers up and down the Strip. Smut peddlers are illegal aliens hired by owners of various escort services and paid slave wages to stand along Las Vegas Blvd. and attempt to hand tourists various pamphlets, leaflets, and business cards advertising women pretending not to be whores.
No sir, no prostitution here, just "private escorts direct to your room twenty-four hours a day."

These pimps really sell the lie. Obviously, they'll say, when a businessman from Trenton has a woman sent to his room at 3am he only wants a date; a little arm candy to take to the casino's all-night coffee shop. If you believe that I've got a half-scale replica of the Eiffel Tower to sell you.

Escorts? Tourists aren't escorting these girls to the Sterling Brunch at Bally's. Everyone knows what's going on. It's a common misconception that prostitution is legal in Las Vegas. No, it's legal in Nevada in counties of less than a hundred thousand people, which leaves out Vegas and Reno. But prostitution is rampant in this town. If you go to a casino bar late on the weekends you can't swing a two-headed dildo without smacking a whore. None of them ever get arrested. They make so much money they're able to grease the palms of bartenders, doormen, elevator operators, security; everyone's for sale and they all look the other way. A woman could walk down the street naked carrying a bullhorn and shouting "I'm selling my pussy!" and she'd probably be cited for breaking local noise ordinances before she was arrested for prostitution.

The smut peddlers are the only ones who bother the innocent. These people, none of whom speak a word of english, try to give these flyers to everyone. On mother's day I was walking down Las Vegas Blvd. with my mom and every five feet someone would attack me with pamphlet-sized promises of barely legal college gals ready to show me a good time. I told one of the guys, "No thanks. I'm gonna wait till my mom leaves town before I start bangin' whores again." Mom thought it was funny, but the poor smut peddler had no idea what I was saying.

I'm not blaming the illegals. They're obviously being exploited by the owners of the escort services, otherwise known as filth merchants. According to a report published in a local alternative weekly, they pay these people $3.00 an hour. If they work a ten hour shift they get $4.00 an hour. Tourists are harassed, the streets are littered with discarded flyers, the illegals are underpaid, and I don't imagine the working girls being well-adjusted. The filth merchants are the only winners in this game. Oh, and the fifty-year-old shower ring salesman who gets to have sex with the best looking woman he's ever seen is a winner too, until a few days later when he urinates lava.

Why, you ask, does the city stand for this? This is the part I honestly don't understand. The city has passed several anti-smut peddler laws but they've all been struck down as violations of the filth merchant's first amendment rights. What? Where does it say in the first amendment that some sleaze has the right to hire people who can't legally work in this country and pay them less than minimum wage?
Is the first amendment really about someone standing in the desert heat for ten hours a day to make forty bucks? I don't understand the logic.

I saw the smut peddlers again the other night, trying to hand their fuck ads to senior citizens and small children. Viva las vegASS.


6 Comments:

Blogger MoDigli said...

And they even make national ad campaigns about it, claiming that "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas"

Blogger yournamehere said...

Unless one of those flyers gets stuck to your shoe, I guess they're right.

Blogger n.v. said...

Hey buddy,

You're not going to avoid my blog just because of that comment, are you? Please don't.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Dena, I never left.

Blogger Evil Petting Zoo said...

you mean to tell me that was smut and not 'Welcome To Vegas' brochures?

Blogger n.v. said...

I'd like to know if you've ever banged a hooker.

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