Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Anonymous Assholes
The more blogs I read, the more I see the spineless, gutless, cowardly fuck-droplets known only as "anonymous". Well, anonymous, as we used to say back in Kentucky, fuck you! (Were you expecting homespun wisdom?) I only let bloggers post comments on my blog, not because I think bloggers are so god damn special but because if I get criticized or insulted I want to be able to examine the work of the person who shit on my house. If a blogger takes the time to read my blog and comment, "Dude, your blog sucks," or "Get a life, man," such wit should not go unrewarded. I want to be able to go to their blog and read poorly formed sentences about velvet paintings or which total stranger's underwear is stuck to their face; whatever passes for a coherent thought in the empty cauldron they call a head. Then I can rain ass-drizzle down on their house by replying, "Your blog sucks Dakota Fanning's underage femme-schlong."

But Mr. and Mrs. Anonymous sit cozy in their cushy lairs (polite-speak for dirty hovels) and are free to insult at will, with no fear of comeuppance. Last week someone anonymously insulted me on this humble blog. They actually ignored the blog's content and insulted me personally. I flew off the handle and told the offender to go fuck his family, etc., but after a minute I realized how stupid I was for yelling at no one, so I deleted the insult and my immature response to it. Yes, I'm quite aware I said "Fuck you" to all anonymous insulters at the beginning of this post. That was for comedic effect.

To ensure the above scenario never repeated itself, I disabled all anonymous comments. I have a few non-blogger friends back home who read my blog and occasionally like to comment, but now they can't because a craven bungsack had to prop himself up by tearing me down.

I have been insulted and criticized by a few bloggers. Before I discovered the joys of spell check, a few self-appointed editors seemed to enjoy pointing out my misspells and typos. Such pettiness makes me break out in pus-filled hives. I think I was once belittled by a blogger using a different alias, which if true pisses me off even more than the anonymous thing, but I have no proof. Just two weeks ago a girl who I was kind enough to interview only a day before told me I had a lousy sense of humor. I wanted to reply, "I've read your blog, and your complaining about my sense of humor is like Stevie Wonder making fun of me for wearing glasses," but for some reason I restrained myself. No lie, it was like if Christopher Reeve had laughed at a guy who walked with a limp.

In closing, if you're alone and feeling superior even though you yourself create nothing, don't be an anonymous hater. Do the world a favor and be an anonymous suicide statistic.


27 Comments:

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I think the Anonymous Assholes are the people who keep shows like Everybody Loves Raymond on the air.

Blogger Egan said...

Yes, I still allow them anons to comment. Thankfully I have only had a couple and nothing nearly as insulting as what you suggest. Sorry Todd, but carry on as usual and fuck them. This is your blog goddamnit.

-the blogger formerly known as anonymous, Egan

Blogger IndependentGrl said...

What some people don't seem to realize is that blogging is a form of self-expression, politically correct or not, gramatically correct or not, funny or not. This is not the place where most people are searching for critiques about their writing skills or their thoughts. If people truly wanted this, they would seek the help of an editor or a shrink.

So keep on writing whatever the FUCK you want, and never mind the haters - they may just be jealous that no one enjoys their writing.

Blogger Blonde said...

I have turned my anonymous posting ability on and off several times now. I had a few people who have posted and e-mailed really uncalled for and unnecessary things that were hurtful.

So I decided that if anyone fucks with me again, I will post their e-mail address AND the IP info and anything I can get on them. Let all the crazy fucks at TMIAB loose on them.

I love your writing. You are hysterical and make me laugh out loud every day. Laughing out loud is not something I do often, so that is always a good sign :).

Blogger Kristine said...

I conjured up my Blogger alias from two years of being on the shelf JUST so I could comment on your blog. :D

Blogger Rachel said...

What IS up with that? If you have some shit to spew don't do it behind some cowardly anonymous fuckwit alias.

I guess you just have to consider the source.

You know I still love ya though (in all the ways that you like best).

*kisses*

Blogger EEK! said...

I don't use blogger software, so I had to register a blogger username just to comment on blogs like this one.

Anonymous doesn't have to mean anonymous ... I always use my name and click "other."

Blogger Princess Steph said...

yeah, what he said.

Blogger JJ said...

Cowardly fuck-droplets,
ass-drizzle,
femme-schlong,
craven bungsack,
pus-filled hives

I just love it. Plain and simple. Big old man love for your internal dictionary, that Webster's of Bile, that viscious lexicon of mayhem. I am in awe.

I am also planning on stealing you blind to get my readership up (from 4) and then, if found out, claiming I had intended my obvious plagerism as an homage. Fair warning.

Blogger Randi said...

i am sorry that you get bad comments....i try to comment on everyones blog that i find and if i dont like it, i still just say that i dropped in (like now). however i am going to read more of your blog, and i also have a thing for other vegas blogs....

Blogger A Sheltered Town said...

How sexy is this post? Nothing like a good Christopher Reeve joke. I hope you're more than aware of who Maddox is, because I have a strange tingle that tells me you'd love him (if you don't already).

Blogger n.v. said...

Todd, your blog sucks diseased monkey clit.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Dena, when I read your blog I picture Hitler using a straw to suck his own jizz out of Satan's turd-cutter.

Blogger Brookelina said...

booger brain

Arguing on the Internet is like the Special Olympics..... even if you win, you're still retarded.

Blogger The Funky Bee said...

you have a lousy sense of humor. Just kidding...anon's are dorks, scared dorks. Screw em! that's all I got to say bout that...

Diseased monkey clit and Satan's turd-cutter. Hmmphf. I'm going for a snack.

i turn my anon comments on and off all the time. i guess it depends on what is going on. sometimes i post stuff, that is my opinion, and people don't like it so they post bullshit comments because apparently i touched a nerve with them. then i always get the idiot assholes who actually do make a blogger id, but don't have a blog for me to see, and they comment nasty stuff too. personally, i think it is funny, in a pathetic way, when people (losers) post negative comments thinking that i am actually going to be affected by their nastiness. i don't give a shit what anyone who doesn't really know me thinks. it's only the people that matter in my life that i value what they have to say, positive or negative.

I had an anonymous hater who commented all the time when I was on vacation in Europe and let my friend guest blog. He was a total douche, and just posted the nastiest things about me, but disappeared when I came back. Couldn't say them "to my face," I guess.

Blogger MoDigli said...

Oh. I hope you werent' talking about me there, YNH, because I deleted your terrrorist comment from my blog. Am I being paranoid???

I really do love you! And I really was just kidding!!!

Blogger yournamehere said...

No, Mo. Or yes, you are being paranoid. That was just you taking control of your own blog.

Mo, even though I'm not the least bit angry at you, I contemplated deleting your comment and pretending I was upset. But I'm not that much of a bastard.

Blogger katarina said...

I have a blog to keep my suicidal tendencies at bay. If anyone would make fun of me, it would push me over the edge.

Not really.

Blogger Dirty said...

Good work you shitheeled shoulda been a blowjob fuckstick. Anyone that doesn't even have the balls to own up to a comment on a blog should be castrated so the tranny hookers don't have to save up so much for the operation.

The pathetic thing is that these people(masturbating, dorito feasting, grease and hair sacks)may actually believe their own bullshit. Wouldn't it be nice to mosey on over to their house and smack the bitch out of em

Blogger joanne said...

I am not an anonymous hater, but I had to delete my blog because someone was harrassing me through it. That sucks even worse.

Blogger Onyx said...

Yeah, you make me laugh out loud too and this is only my first visit. Screw the anons, you rock.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Joanne, that really pisses me off that someone ran you off the internet. Feel free to comment any time, and maybe I'll see you over at Brooke's or Mo's blog.

Blogger poet1b said...

Dude, I think you are a god, and I don't understand why there aren't ads all over your blog. Comedy Central should be knocking on your door with a bus load of playboy bunnies looking to turn you into a log ride. I'm sending your blog to both of my friends.

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