Tuesday, July 26, 2005
This Post Had So Much Potential...
I've spent every waking moment for the past ten years thinking of easy solutions to life's problems, and this weekend I finally discovered the secrets to: happiness; efficient weight loss; fuller, more natural looking hair; eternal youth; a more satisfying sex life for you and your partner(s); a foolproof way to win at blackjack; the key to Jessica Alba's heart; where to get name brand clothes at rock bottom prices; and how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop. This post was going to alter world events and change people's lives. But then Katarina reminded me I'd been tagged for the millionth time to answer some questions, so THE MOST IMPORTANT BLOG ANY OF YOU WILL EVER READ will have to wait until tomorrow. For now, the almighty questions await.

1. What are the three stupidest things you have done in your life?
1988- Called Mike Tyson "Pussy Talker".
1999- Only partied like it was 1997.
2000- Advised Al Gore, "Act like an emotionless robot. People love that shit."

2. At the current moment, who has the most influence in your life?
Well, my long-time friends and most of my family are too far away to have a lot of influence, my Vegas friends certainly don't have any, and my brother is the opposite of me (type-A, makes a lot of money). So I think I'm the person who has the most influence in my life, which is probably why my life sucks Hitler's spectre-cock right now.

3. If you were given a time machine, which five people would you pick up and eat dinner with?
Mr. Peabody
The Lindberg Baby
Lee Harvey Oswald
Johnny Cash

4. If you had three wishes that were not supernatural, what would they be?
a) Find true happiness.
b) Find everlasting love.
c) I'd like to buy the world a Coke.

5. Someone is visiting Las Vegas. Name two things you regret your city not having, and two things people should avoid.

Regret not having: subtlety. Class.

Avoid: Downtown. The interactive experience "Inside Elvis' Liver."

6. Tag three people.
I tag Boo Boo, Mr. Peepers, and The Ghost of Bob Crane. Get to work, motherfuckers.

UPDATE: My notes for tomorrow's post were destroyed in a small kitchen fire. Oh, well...back to the drawing board.


Blogger Ruben said...

Good post. I lIke the one about All"the bore" Gore.

Blogger Blonde said...

I got tagged by Shumpy but left my notes back home. I will answer mine when I get back from the beach.

how can you say your LV friends don't have a personality? Every one I met in Vegas has multiple personalities. Surely you like one of the 17 that each person posseses

LOL Your three stupidest things were awesome. Great stuff!

Blogger Busty Wilde said...

I fully agree with your choice of Johnny Cash...and your advice to avoid an interactive trip through Elvis's liver. Gross!

I was totally looking forward to your next post where you unlock a multitude of secrets. Too bad it all got destroyed!

Blogger Princess Steph said...

where the hell is my comment from earlier? It was ever so witty and insightful (ok- we know better, but it was funny.)

Hitler's spectre-cock? Me thinks you have outdone yourself sir.

Blogger Rachel said...

For some odd reason I'm actually aroused by this post, pookie bear!

Blogger katarina said...

You're a smart ass.

I can't wait to see "Inside Elvis' Liver". How much fun will that be?!

The Lindberg Baby made me laugh and I'm not quite sure why. It scares me a little.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I'd like to teach the world to sing. We should talk.

Did you have a cure for rabid sinus drainage in that first post?? I'll reward you well if you come up with something brilliant and original.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Not a large amount of comments to this point, but what it lacks in quanity it makes up for in quality. There's Ruben, quite the happenin' guy, and then nothing but hot chicks. Hell yeah.

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