Thursday, July 21, 2005
A night in the life...
When: Spring of this year

Where: The Whiskey, Green Valley Ranch Casino, Henderson, Nevada

It's Saturday night at the Whiskey, the only cool nightspot in Henderson, and I, in my newest Dillard's Big and Tall section ensemble, am dressed to slightly wound. I make my way through the crowd to the bar to retrieve another bourbon on the rocks, a bargain at eleven dollars. I'm trying to get the attention of the bartender, who I briefly believe is the best looking woman in the world until I see the other bartenders, when an off duty stripper/showgirl/cocktail waitress/P.F. Chang's hostess -pick one- stands next to me and smiles in a way that tells me I'm about to be used, and not in the good way.

"I'll have one of what you're having," she says in that tone only beautiful people can pull off.

"I'm having bourbon on the rocks," I say. "Want one?"

The smile vanishes faster than she would if she knew how much money I make. "Can you get me an apple martini instead?"

I just offered to buy her an eleven dollar drink knowing full well she would take it, thank me, and immediately disappear into the crowd, but that isn't enough for her. I know it didn't make any difference whether she conned me out of a bourbon or a martini, but for some reason I decide to be stubborn.

"I'm having a bourbon on the rocks," I begin. "You asked - no, commanded - that I buy you what I was having. Do you want a bourbon on the rocks or not?"

"You're an asshole," she spits out as she walks away.

I give the model-caliber bartender my order for ONE bourbon on the rocks and head back to the outdoor patio where my friends are hanging out. The spring air is perfect, a false comfort before the ravishes of summer. There's a perfect view of the Strip in the distance. Out of the corner of my eye I see the girl from the bar, strutting that strut only beautiful people can pull off; cigarette in one hand, apple martini in the other. She's alone, and so is the guy who just bought her that drink. Even in the suburbs of Las Vegas, suckers are like taxi cabs. She missed one, but another pulled up right behind.

I bought a Fatburger, onion rings and a large Coke with the eleven dollars I didn't spend on the martini, all of those calories further assuring that every woman I meet at a bar will only acknowledge my existence as a means to drink free.


22 Comments:

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Do you really want a high maintenance, superficial barbie, who trolls for drinks? There are women who accept men for reasons other than the bulge (wallet) in their pants...it's just kinda hard to find them in bars.

Blogger yournamehere said...

No, I didn't want her. The incident just pissed me off and I couldn't think of anything else to post about tonight.

Blogger MacManus said...

I think the thing that pisses me off the most though is the whole reverse sexism thing...That shit so only works for chicks. I've been told by female friends that they have had 5-8hrs drinking binges...and not spent a cent!
Where can I get me one of those...without entering a gay bar that is!

Blogger IndependentGrl said...

Just for the record, not all women pull this trick out of their purse. There are plenty of times when guys have asked to buy me a drink and I kindly responded "No thank you", sometimes even with guys who I was attracted to.

Blogger katarina said...

That was awfully classy of her.

I agree with indepgrl, not all girls do this. I never let a guy buy me a drink. Because automatically, he thinks because he spent $4.50 on me that I will be his love slave for the evening. I avoid the "free drink" trick every single time.

And remember, Todd. It wasn't because you are you that she did it. It's her job. That's how she lives. She proved that to you. She's a drink whore.

Blogger Rachel said...

Amen to all the comments that came before me (damn, we're supposed to do that together people).

I must say however that once again you made me chuckle while reading your response. It was classic and I loved it.

P.S. When I come to Vegas the first round is on me. ;)

Blogger MoDigli said...

Well, living in Vegas probably means that that is the typical chic you're ganna meet in a bar.

I hate so-called "beautiful" people who think that because their outer package "looks" good, that it's okay to let your inner package go rotten.

I'm sure if you took a deep whiff close to her ear, you could smell the mold that was eating away at her brain.

What an icky person!

Blogger Heather said...

What a drink-whore. I'm glad you didn't succumb to her feminine wiles. That was so incredibily rude. I would never do that. I would wait until you ordered that burger, onion rings and coke!

Blogger Steve Caratzas said...

While the gold digger's behavior was certainly atrocious, am I just a cheap-ass fuck for thinking $11 for a cocktail is utterly insane?

Blogger Livia said...

I have not learned this trick yet. I can not have a guy buy me a drink without feeling guilty and end up buying him one back. It really cramps my style because I always thought I was a cold hearted bitch.

Just ask the boys I met in Vegas in April... $16 drinks at the pool really put a dent in my budget.

Blogger Princess Steph said...

ok those drink prices are insane. I would be the one in the corner sipping out of my flask thank you very much.

I do not accept drinks from somebody that I am not willing to spend time with in general. It's jsut rude otherwise.

Blogger JJ said...

You rule for shutting her down, man.

Blogger Blonde said...

I love that you shut her down ;).

Guys just by me drinks without asking. I never, ever ask. I can buy my own.

Blogger Gwen said...

Damn.

Before I clicked the Comments link, I bet a friend $20 that the comments would be full of chicks offering to have sex with you if you *didn't* buy them drinks.

That $20 would have gone towards the layaway on my motorized wheelchair from Wal-Mart...

Blogger Brookelina said...

Women are such bitches.

Hey wait a minute.....

Blogger Mrs.T said...

Wow, what a bunch of pretty whore-like creatures that must exist in your little universe. Or at least in the surrounding area! I don't envy the kind of hallow life she must lead. And BRAVA for you, for not being swayed by her whore-like use of the Force!

Blogger yournamehere said...

I don't defend Vegas much, but there were drink whores in Louisville, too.

I have bought ladies drinks before. Call me crazy, but all I expect in return is a thank you.

Blogger Evil Petting Zoo said...

man it pays to have a vagina.

A burger sounds so good right now. Sorry, I'm hormonal.

Yay for you for blowing off the pretty bitch. I hate people that throw around their attractiveness like a ping-pong ball and expect the rest of us to fetch.

Blogger katarina said...

Todd, you're such a gentleman.

Blogger Kristina said...

That was an awesome awesome response!

I give it an 9!

Blogger Randi said...

i would have to admit that i have used the cuteness factor to get drinks more than once. however, i dont just disappear afterwards either, i hang out long enough for a couple of dances and to see if the guy is cool enough to hang out with the rest of the night. if hes a dork, then i usually slip off to the bathroom and hang out on the other side of the room the rest of the night...

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