Thursday, July 14, 2005
The Wide World of Blog
Thanks to the fact that I'm broke and have no life, I've read a lot of different blogs lately. In addition to the fine folks on my VIP list, I'll read blogs of people who have left comments on blogs of people who have left comments on my blog. Sometimes I'll even hit the dreaded "Next" button. So I've seen a lot of blogs, and I'd like to talk about some trends I've noticed.

The "Celebrity" blogger
I'm not talking about a celebrity who blogs but a blogger who, for whatever reason, gets about a hundred comments per post. Some are great; Waiter Rant is hilarious, for example. But others bore the skeleton out of my body. The blog celeb will post something random like "I ate a burrito today," and this will be the scene of the comments section:

douchebag sycophant said...
Yeah, I like burritos. I like how they're all rolled up. Great post.

celebrity blogger said...
Thanks. This burrito had onions.

brownnose mcasskiss said...
Onions? Didn't they make your breath stink?

celebrity blogger said...
No. They were grilled, not raw.

mindless lemming said...
I just love your blog. I added it to my favorites list.

And this goes on forever.

The anonymous blogger
This guy is the opposite of the "celebrity" blogger. He writes and writes and gets no comments. None. Not one. One guy I came across had a hundred posts and not a single comment. He would write page after page and not one person saw fit to acknowledge his existence. I feel for these people, because if not for my Louisville friends my first ten to twenty posts would have gone comment-free.
I usually go ahead and write them something, but because I'm such a bastard I write it in a secret language I invented in third grade with some kid whose name I can't remember.

The hot chick who writes about her sex life and has several Asian male groupies blogger
Oh, an attractive woman had sex. Stop the presses.

The obscure obsession blogger
Interested in the Dukes of Hazard episodes in which Bo and Luke are replaced by their cousins, Coy and Vance? Does freeway off-ramp comparisons get you all hot and bothered? Want to spend time following the acting career of a guy who works in a Mickey Mouse suit? Of course not, but someone has a blog about it.

The suicide watch blogger
Some of these blogs are very entertaining, but I'm afraid to get attached only to be heartbroken when the tortured soul punches her own ticket by deepthroating the barrel of a shotgun.

The frat boy blogger
When I read one of these blogs I can almost smell the sorority girl stank and stale beer farts.

The drunk every night blogger
Sort of like the frat boy blogger, but usually older and less sexually active. Three years ago this would have been my blog, so this is more of an observation than a criticism.

The woman who wants all men to suck cock in hell blogger
Okay, someone did her wrong and she is PISSED! I read these blogs but never, ever comment on them for fear of she-devil retribution; the worst retribution of them all.

There are more but I'm done here. I guess I'm The never finishes a thought blogger. See you tomorrow.

Oh, and you'd think that spell check on blogspot would recognise the word "blog".




36 Comments:

Blogger Egan said...

Todd, I love this idea for a post. I thought about categorizing the different types of bloggers out there, but you actually acted on it. I would guess there are about 12 types of bloggers and you nailed almost all of them.

You did leave out one that I can't stand, it's the "fresh out of shit so let's borrow" blogger. These are the blogs where a majority of their content is borrowed from other blogs. Their posts typically cover such engrossing topics like "which Disney character are you?", "what year are you?", and those increasingly popular "memes".

Blogger Brookelina said...

I have just discovered cooking blogs. I will never get my fat ass off this chair now.

Egan - you just described my blog. Crap.

Blogger Egan said...

Brooke, from what I can tell that ain't the case. Your blog has well crafted stories about your life. Not only that there's the smoking hot blogger profile pic. (Fess up, is that you?) No matter what, it works. You have a shitload of comments all the time and you don't need to discuss the merits of a flour torrita over a wheat variety. You also do a fabulous job responding to your comments from your throngs of followers.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Brooke, your blog rules. You deserve the amount of comments you get.

Blogger Blonde said...

I see that you came to my blog and commented about my nips for HNT.

What kind of blogger am I in your definition??????

Love your blog! Thanks for visiting mine! Cum often, comment alot :)

Blogger yournamehere said...

blonde,
you are the kind of blogger who shows her nips and is thusly immune from any and all criticism on my part.

Blogger Blonde said...

I think I am crushing on you *sigh*

I'll be in Vegas in August. You can visit me at the Hard Rock pool and I will let you smack my ass :).

I am so glad that I found you. Your blog has made me laugh out loud so many times. A man that has a sense of humor is HOT.

Blogger Blonde said...

What does that mean :(?

(insert me pouting here)

Blogger IndependentGrl said...

I will also be in Vegas in August as well, although I don't quite know where our margarita-drinking asses will be...any suggestions?

Blogger Blonde said...

Well, I am staying at the Hard Rock. Drinks are on me if you want to meet up :)

Blogger yournamehere said...

If you like margaritas there's Margaritaville on the Strip or Pink Taco at the Hard Rock Hotel.

Afterwards, I've never been, but Pure at Caesar's Palace was just voted best nightclub in the country, ahead of all of the ones in LA, New York, Miami, etc.

Blogger Blonde said...

Pure is hot and one of the few clubs I will go to in Vegas (I am not really a club person). I also like Rain.

Pink Taco is one of my fave quick eat places in Vegas, as well as the BEST margaritas.

I'm not going to be in Vegas anytime soon, and there's nothing wrong with sucking cock in hell.

*smoochies*

Blogger Harley Quinn said...

My blog has been biting the beef log. I do, although, get my daily "fix" visiting yours :) The girls and I are talking about visiting Vegas - prolly for my bday :)

Blogger Egan said...

I will also be in Vegas in August as well, although I don't quite know where our fruity drinking asses will be. I am also crushing on you.

-the curly blonde, a.k.a E-FO

Blogger nin said...

lovely idea......

Blogger Green said...

That was great.

this post is absolutely hilarious! Keep up the good work

Blogger Steve Caratzas said...

One of several brilliant observations: 'Oh, and you'd think that spell check on blogspot would recognise the word "blog".' What the frig?

Blogger JJ said...

I think I went to high school with Brownnose McKissAss. He's got a blug, huh?

I'm not sure if you were secretly dissing me in one of your categories. If you were: you bastard! If not: great post.

Sucky McSuckup

Blogger MsHellion said...

Pink

Taco.

OMG. Add to my list of shit I can't say out loud.

Blogger MsHellion said...

P.S. Heather will call me in a minute chanting "pink taco" at me, I just know it.

Blogger Brookelina said...

Egan, thank you, I'm blushing now. The only reason I get so many comments is that I give out so many comments. Plus half of them are mine. And yes, the pic is me - but a skinnier in better shape me. I'm working on getting back to that me now - that pic is my inspiration. I was going to use a shot of Elle for inspiration, but I'll never look like that anyway.

YNH - no, your blog rules! I actually put my mug down when I come to yours so I won't keep ruining shirts from spitting coffee out with laughter. You da man.

Blogger Rob Danger said...

I have to say I don't encounter nearly enough man-hating blogs. I mean, not that I hate men or anything, but I do get a kick out of bashing them, or at least reading about women bashing them.
Hook a brutha up.

Blogger Heather said...

MsHellion....

PINK! TACO!!!!

PINK, PINK, PINK, PINK

TACO, TACO, TACO TACO!!!

Blogger JJ said...

There is an honest to God place called "Pink Taco" in Vegas? No wonder whatever happens there stays there.

Blogger Heather said...

I do the exact same thing. I'm such a blog whore.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

"Pink Taco" has delicious food...oh lord, I can't believe I just typed that.

Blogger PusBoy said...

You forgot about the "blogger who has a daily morning ritual of commenting on every goddamn blog in his blogroll in the vain attempt to drive traffic to his own blog."

Not that I know about that type from experience. See? It's the afternoon, it's not morning at all.

Blogger PusBoy said...

P.S. If my wife ever reads these comments, I will never be allowed to guy to Vegas with the guys ever again. Thanks, horny blogger women. Thanks a lot.

Blogger Egan said...

Brooke, I do the exact same thing. Half the comments on my blog are me being a smart ass. I also pimp myself by commenting on as many blogs as possible. While doing this activity I don a long black trenchcoat.

I have coined the term "Johnnying" myself in the blogosphere. He's a true role model that Johnny DC guy.

Blogger n.v. said...

Todderick, where do I fit in??

Blogger yournamehere said...

Dena, that was a comment mostly on blogs I come across at random and never bother with again.

I put you in the category of blogs I read every day religiously and miss like a mo' fo' when they don't post.

I wish I would have downloaded your pic before you took it down. You are indeed lovely.

Blogger bikipatra said...

I am so tired of being a suicidal nutcase. At first in blogland it was hidden. It is seeping like my life is cheap hefty bag.

Blogger katarina said...

I seem to find more "Frat Boy" blogs than anything else. Yes, you drink beer. Yes, you get laid. Good for you.

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