Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Inside the Blogger's Studio
I asked the lovely and talented Andi to interview me. I will answer the questions shortly, but first, I am contractually obligated to explain the rules to this inquisitive round-robin.

Here are the instructions:

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "Interview me." "Blow me" or "Eat me" are not acceptable substitutes.
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different. I'll post the questions in the comments section of this post.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Andi's Five Questions

1. You are fit to be a comedian, so if you were, what would be your signature bit? I would smash Gallagher's head with a sledgehammer, covering the front row of the audience with his brains and tiny shards of skull. Then I'd do twenty minutes on airline food.

2. Have you ever worn a thong? If not, what occasion might be enough to convince you to do so? I have not "smuggled ping pong equipment". Nothing short of the one-hundred percent assured destruction of earth would make me wear the ol' butt-floss banana hammock, and the only reason I'd do it then is to make people long for death so the vision would go away.

3. What is the stupidest thing you did before the age of eighteen? I decided in eleventh grade that homework was a waste of my time and I refused to do any. I reasoned that I already gave them eight hours a day so why should I do a bunch of busy work from the comforts of my home? I refused to budge, and my "integrity" almost flunked me out of high school. Oh, and I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

4. What is the perfect woman like? Explain in detail. The perfect woman would first be intelligent, then possess a fierce and nuanced sense of humor. She would enjoy the taste of a good bourbon and realize pizza is the one perfect food. She would allow me to have my own outside interests; but if I ever allowed those interests to overshadow our relationship and/or didn't give her enough room to pursue interests of her own, she would have the self esteem necessary to call me on my bullshit. She would appreciate Family Guy and loathe Family Circus. She would be kind to strangers and wary of sycophants. She would be liberal without being a damn dirty hippie. Her motto would be "Don't start none, won't be none." Her favorite song would be "Here's Where the Story Ends" by the Sundays. She'd agree to the "Four Strip Club Visits a Year" compromise. She'd think my bad habits were "charming". She'd put my fat ass on a diet, not because she's concerned about my looks but because she doesn't want me to die young.
That's the perfect woman. In reality, someone with a few of those qualities will do nicely.

5. If you were musically inclined and decided to start a band, what would you name it? Discuss. My dream band, which I've often threatened to unleash upon an unsuspecting earth, would be named Honkey Lips, because I think it's funny. Our debut would be entitled "Your Vein or Mine?"

Thanks for the questions, Andi. If anyone wants to be interviewed, let me know.


Blogger Rachel said...

Ok, not usually interested in these but I just have to be interviewed by you, so...

interview me baby!

Blogger yournamehere said...


1. If you could exact revenge on the person(s) who stole your car stereo, what, if anything, would you do to them?

2. What is the quickest way for someone to lose your friendship?

3. I you had to spend a day as one of the Seven Dwarves, which one would you be, and why?

4. Would you rather lose a limb or have a full-on, seventies porn guy moustache that can NEVER be removed?

5. When you come to Las Vegas will you dance on a table just for me?
Thanks in advance.

Blogger amanda lee said...

hey can get an interview with you?

Blogger yournamehere said...

amanda lee,

1. On your blog you describe yourself as a Christian. Is there any aspect of modern Christianity that you would change if you could?
Please elaborate.

2. Is there someone alive today who you consider a hero? Why?

3. Describe your favorite place to "get away from it all".

4. Coke or Pepsi? Explain.

5. Will you consider celebrating your twenty-first birthday by coming to Vegas and dancing on a table with Rachel?

Anonymous Kath said...

Wanna interview me?

Blogger yournamehere said...


1. I notice you have a few Louisville bloggers on your links list. Are you originally from Louisville or have a Louisville connection?

2. If you could eliminate global poverty but to do so would mean an end to all forms of artistic expression, what would you do?

3. If you could live anywhere in the continental United States without regard to finding employment and paying bills, where would you live?

4. Does broccoli give you gas?

5. Would you date someone who collected commemerative plates? Why or why not?

Blogger Brookelina said...

Todd, you rock. I'm afraid to be interviewed. My answers won't be nearly as witty and edgy as yours.

Blogger amanda lee said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Blogger apache_fog said...

wow, kinda like the DMV. take a number, have a seat. fire when ready, kind sir.

Blogger yournamehere said...

apache fog,

1. Do you enjoy living in Portland, Oregon? Why or why not?

2. Just how hot is the stripper who gave you her number? Details, please.

3. If you could have one celebrity leave a comment on your blog who would it be and why?

4. Chose a Lindsay Lohan: curvy redhead or stick-skinny blonde, and explain your choice.

5. Would you be the nation spokesman for an adult diaper if the money was right?

Blogger yournamehere said...

That should be national spokesman, not nation spokesman.

Oh, and I'm going to sleep now. Any other requests will be handled tomorrow after work.

Thanks to those who have participated.

Blogger mastershake said...

can i have one?

Blogger Steve Caratzas said...

Interview me, por favor.

Blogger Heather said...

Me, me, me...do ME!!!! I mean...interview me...you know. geez.

Blogger WhiteBoyBob said...

Interview me please - when you get a chance to think of some new questions.

Looks like you have your work cut out for you on the interview front!

Lovely answers. I would buy Honkey Lips' CD in the flash of a fart.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

If you're not sick to death of "doin' everyone" I wanna turn...

Blogger Brookelina said...

These questions are brilliant. Ok Todd, hit me. I realize I have given up my place in line, or the queue, as WhiteBoyBob would say.

Blogger Rob Danger said...

well, now I want to be interviewed too, but as you appear to be back-logged I will try not to kill myself if you haven't the inspiration to think up 5 questions for me.
PS - can I join your band? No one ever lets me join their band.

Blogger MsHellion said...

Please interview me, but no questions about my cock. Thx.

Blogger katarina said...

I love the expression "Don't start nothin', won't be nothin'." I just used it yesterday, as a matter of fact.
I think the "four strip clubs a year" rule is a good one. I think any woman should be okay with that as long as you're coming home to them. Besides, you live in Vegas. You have to go to the strip clubs. I want to go to one sometime. I'm dying to see what it's like.

Blogger Rachel said...

I'm up, or at least my answers are.

Good questions.

Blogger Princess Steph said...

I love love love your answer to #1 and I think you should be knighted.

Oh- and # 4 - we should go ahead and print up the wedding invitations now....

Blogger JJ said...

I'll bite. Interview me.

Blogger MoDigli said...

Oh. Boy!
You've got ALOT of questions to draft! Yikes!

I want to be interviewed, too. Even though I'm nervous about all the questions I'll have to make up for others! ... still, if you're not sick of it by now....

hit me, baby!


Blogger yournamehere said...


1. Where do you plan on going to college?

2. Do Canadian girls dress all slutty like American girls?

3. What scares you more than anything?

4. Is breakfast really the most important meal of the day? Explain.

5. Do you trust adults?

Blogger yournamehere said...


1. Besides the people you hang out with, what was your favorite part of your recent trip to my hometown, Louisville, Ky?

2. Would you rather have all of your poetry published in the world's most prestigious literary journal or be allowed to read a poem on "Late Show with David Letterman"? Explain.

3. What is your favorite thing about living in NYC?

4. What is your least favorite?

5. If you were forced to go back in time and spend one day as an infamous historical villian, who would it be and why?

Blogger yournamehere said...


1. What's more important to you, your cat or Heine Bros. coffee? Why?

2. I know you watched "Sex in the City" so which character did you relate to the most and why?

3. Who would you want to ghost-write your autobiography?

4. If the Hard Rock Cafe in Louisville offered you a job at one-and-a-half times the pay of your current job, would you accept, and why or why not?

5. Please tell us why you voted for George W. twice. (HUGS)

Blogger yournamehere said...


1. I'm not going to ask if you've met the Queen (I read that post), but I am going to ask if you mind being taxed so highly to support the royal's oppulent lifestyles?

2. Have you ever had an American beer you've enjoyed? If so, which one?

3. If you had to spend a day as one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, which would you choose and why?

4. Explain in detail your favorite food.

5. Have you ever worn socks with sandals?

Blogger yournamehere said...


1. I see from your blog you're 29. Do you have anything major planned for the big 3-O? If so, what? If not, why not?

2. Explain in detail one thing, be it music, a hobby, an ex-, that you were really into back in the day, but now you can't for the life of you remember what the fuss was all about.

3. Milk chocolate or dark chocolate? Explain your preference.

4. Do you think Barry Bonds used steroids? Argue your case.

5. The next time I'm vacationing in the Bay Area, can I crash at your place?

Blogger yournamehere said...


Given the amount of comments on your blog, you will be composing questions until Labor Day.

1. I know you're a trained chef, so what is your favorite dish to prepare and why?

2. If you had to live as a man for an entire week, would you give your penis a name? If so, what?

3. Explain in detail your favorite aspect of blogging.

4. Which "Seinfeld" character do you most relate to and why?

5. If you're ever in Vegas can I pretend I'm with you so they'll let me in the really nice clubs?

Blogger yournamehere said...


Jesus, I feel like Larry fucking King. Where's my eighth wife?

1. If you could do one thing for a living, what would you do? Explain.

2. Give your feedback as to why the hell "Will and Grace" is still on the air.

3. Based on your experience, is it really necessary to wait an hour after eating to go swimming?

4. Is there one food that even the site of makes you sick? Which food?

5. If you could go back in time and "get in the head" of a writer during the creative process, which writer would it be and what work would he/she be creating?

Blogger yournamehere said...


1. In your humble opinion, who is the most overrated musician(s) in the past twenty years? Explain

2. If you could have George W. impeached but to do so meant you had to live with your mom and Dave had to go live with his parents, what would you do?

3. What is your fave restaurant in the Louisville area and why?

4. Which American city do you most enjoy visiting and why?

5. Which of the seven deadly sins does society the most harm and why do you think so?

Blogger yournamehere said...


1. What is the most common misconception people come away with when first meeting you?

2. Would you ever even consider going on a reality tv show? Why or why not?

3. Describe your favorite breakfast food.

4. Explain in detail your greatest weakness.

5. Complete this sentence: The world is a .....

Blogger yournamehere said...


1. As a teacher, would you rather have a room of average, well-behaved kids or a bunch of kids who are edgy and brilliant but sometimes moody and troubled?

2. Have you ever danced on a table or bar? If so, how drunk were you?

3. If you could take back one thing you ever said, what would it be (of course, names can be changed to protect the innocent)?

4. If you could teach anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?

5. If someone gave you an undiscovered Modigili original painting, would you keep it for yourself or donate it to a museum?

Blogger yournamehere said...

Oh, Princess Steph,

I do.

Blogger Brookelina said...

Mo - I'm hoping that YNH will wind up interviewing everyone I know, so I won't have to write any questions. Otherwise I'll have to come to him for help.

YNH - you are brilliant as usual. I'm glad I don't have Mo's second question. Or the third.

Anonymous Melliferous Pants said...

Thanks for the questions yournamehere, all up and answered!

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

Interview/blow/bite me!

Blogger yournamehere said...


1. When eating a delicious pancake breakfast, do you place the breakfast meats on a separate plate or leave them to be drowned in maple syrup?

2. What's your favorite restaurant in Louisiana? Elaborate.

3. One political question: Who gives the democrats the best chance to win back the presidency in '08? Not necessarily who you prefer, but who you think is most electable.

4. If you could write for any magazine or newspaper in the world, which would it be and why?

5. When someone pisses you off (a friend, not a right-wing blogger), do you let them know right away or do you silently seethe?

Blogger MoDigli said...

Ooooooh! Such good questions you gave me! It's too late now to do this post; but tomorrow, YNH! TOmorrow I will!


Blogger Brookelina said...

Ok Todd, mine is up!

Blogger JJ said...

Done and infected a few other folks.

Blogger MoDigli said...

Sorry to be so late, YNH. But I'm finally up! ... Now time to track down some of your other interviews!


Blogger n.v. said...

Todd, me

Blogger yournamehere said...


1. Describe in detail the best day of your life so far.

2. If you had to either give up blogging for a year or not be able to buy a single article of clothing (other than undergarments) for a year, which would you choose and why?

3. I gave this question to Flesh, but it's my favorite and I'm sure he wouldn't mind sharing it with you: If you could "get in the head" of a writer during the creative process, which writer would it be and what work would he/she be creating?

4. The Simpsons or Family Guy? Elaborate.

5. If you ever moved to the United States, even for a short period of time, in which city would you live and why?

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