Thursday, July 07, 2005
Jessica Alba...Adult Only
This is the Jessica Alba I like to see. She all grow'd up. I recently went to a site that promised Jessica photos and all they had were pics from the Flipper tv show she did AS A CHILD. Yeech! Let me make this perfectly clear: I'm a dirty old man, NOT A PEDOPHILE. There's a difference, you know. I don't care how cute her face may be, a twelve-year-old Jess in a wetsuit does nothing for me. It actually makes me shrivel up like a stack of dimes. I like my Alba from Dark Angel on, thank you oh so much.

I suppose there's a market for pre-pube photos of Jess, but I shudder to think about the typical Flipper-era Alba aficionado. There's probably a chat room for these perverts. I can imagine a guy sitting in his mom's basement, taking a moment from his rigorous schedule of X-box, stroking it into a crusty sock, and more x-box to type "...tighter than a mouse's ear" onto his laptop screen with fingers that reek of sweaty dick and Cheetos.

I can't wait to see Fantastic Four and view Jessica Alba in all of her early twenties glory. You know, the way nature intended.

Not my best post, but look at the picture.


24 Comments:

Blogger mastershake said...

yehh well what can ya do, and fantastic four is something id go see, i mean it got a 3/5 in maxim this mounth and im probably gunna go to charlie and the chocolate factory, that looks good. and yeh jessica alba is hott! but ive never seen dark angle, but i have played the game.

Blogger Brookelina said...

Jessica was on Leno tonight. Hope you didn't miss it.

Anonymous Melliferous Pants said...

onto his laptop screen with fingers that reek of sweaty dick and Cheetos?

yournamehere, you are a comic genius.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Brooke, thanks to the three hour time difference, I will not miss Jess on Leno. I despise Jay Leno and Jessica is one of the few people who could make me watch his lame ass.

pants, thanks. Cheetos actually has an ill-fated "sweaty dick" flavor back in the seventies.

Also, everyone should check out the Burger King photo and caption on 'shake's blog. He's a child prodigy.

Anonymous melliferous pants said...

yournamehere,
Ill-fated "sweaty dick" flavor back in the seventies?
Enough! You're killing me!
~Miss Pants

"Tighter than a mouse's ear??" Where do you get this shit? Entertaining, though.

I just saw her on the Tonight Show, and she was pretty darn hot. Funny, too.

Blogger katarina said...

"I can imagine a guy sitting in his mom's basement..."

You have that vision down pretty well. A little too well.
Wink wink nudge nudge :)

Blogger Cincysundevil said...

Why can't I meet any nice girls like Jessica?

Blogger Brookelina said...

I used to like Cheetos.....

Blogger Egan said...

She was jovial and quite cute on Jay Leno. He could barely spit a word out and couldn't keep his hands off her. He's definitely a D.O.M.* and not ashamed. What was she wearing though? Her dress reminded me of packing paper I purchased at U-Haul.


*Dirty Old Man

Blogger ago-go said...

it's so nice that everyone is feeling the love for my wife! todd, you gotta know that i will be seeing Fantastic Four at least once in the theatre...twice if it doesn't suck ass and she shows her stomach.

Blogger MoDigli said...

So, YNH ~~ do you like her better as a blonde or a brunette? She looks great either way. But, Personally, I thnk brunette is better.

Blogger Dr. Chingasa said...

You're just getting all horned up for the boo-tay call this weekend. Tell H I said "Hi". Reminds me of the old-lame joke:

What happens when you fall asleep eating Cheetos while watching porn?

You wake up with an orange dick.

Blogger mastershake said...

yes, the fat little mamas boy, xbox freak. if you try and show them how to play catch they get scared, grab their xbox controller and cry because they know that no girl will ever touch them, that they dont pay for anyway. and oddly enough with all the mcdonalds and cookies and other shit their mommy feeds them, they will look like plump little sausages doing it.

Blogger Evil Petting Zoo said...

i love her.

Blogger n.v. said...

Nice undies. But Todd, I expect more from you.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Dena,
Some people liked this post.

Blogger Heather said...

Dr. Chingasa...I could never compete with "The Jessica".

Blogger Rachel said...

Couldn't agree more with the whole pre-teen Jessica but the new and improved Jessica is smoking hot...


and I don't even like chicks.

Blogger n.v. said...

Todd, it was a wonderful post. No offense, friend.


Masturbate, what are you talking about?

Blogger yournamehere said...

Since I wrote "Not my best post, but look at the picture" I am completely willing to accept criticism on this one. I was just jokin' on ya. I like my INXS post twice as much, yet it received half the comments. Go figure.

Blogger Arun said...

LOL...maybe MJ wud like the 12-yr. old pics of jessica...ooops, forgot...they need to be boys.

cool post!

PS: I apologise to all MJ fans if they found this offensive!

Blogger Arun said...

I am still looking at the pic!!!

Blogger mastershake said...

for god sakes arun shes a girl

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