Friday, July 15, 2005
Why People Hate Me
A few days ago I was having lunch with a co-worker named Martin. I'd like to present a transcript of our conversation. My statements are in red.

"What's you're last name, Martin?"

"Martinez."

"Your name is Martin Martinez?"

"Yeah."

"You do realize that's the Hispanic equivalent of being named Jack Jackson?"

"I guess." He then laughed half-heartedly.

"Or Robert Roberts."

"Uh-huh."

"Dick Dickson."

"I get the point."

"John Johnson, Sam Samuels, Peter Peterson, Michael Michaels..."

"Okay, shut up, dickhead."

I realize I'm probably the only person on earth who is amused by this. I'm still laughing as I type. In fact, I'm typing with one hand and patting myself on the back with the other.

It was all in good fun and was in no way a contributing factor to Martin's suicide.

HE DIDN'T KILL HIMSELF. I'M JOKING.


30 Comments:

You're not really joking, though, are you? ;o)

Blogger Brookelina said...

*throws a copy of Miss Manners' Guide to Excrutiatingly Correct Behavior at your head*

Blogger Blonde said...

I believe that giving your kid a name like that should be considered abuse.

I used to work with a guy named Joseph St. Joseph. What the fuck were his parents thinking?

Blogger Brookelina said...

My brother knew a guy named Pete Moss.
And my grandmother knew a man named Seymour Gash.

Blogger yournamehere said...

C'mon, Brooke. Those sound like the names kids give substitute teachers.

Although there was this girl at school named Anita Grundy. Note: A "grundy" is like a wedgie for girls, a femme-wedgie if you will.

Blogger Blonde said...

why is a female wedgie called a grundy? I never heared that term before. I never got a wedgie every either.

Blogger yournamehere said...

I don't know why it's called a grundy, but it's like a wedgie except the female victim is digging out from the front and back.

I have never given a grundy for fear I'd spend the rest of my life in prison.

Blogger Dr. Chingasa said...

Terd Fergeson

Blogger Brookelina said...

Todd, I swear it's true. I actually knew Pete, and my grandma wouldn't lie. My mom said everytime grandma said his name she would cackle like a drunken sailor. My grandma was cool!

Blogger yournamehere said...

My roommate is from Fort Wayne, Indiana and there's a street in Fort Wayne named after a guy named Harry Balls. It used to be called Harry Balls Drive, but in the eighties they changed it to Harold W. Balls Drive. That's ten times worse in my opinion. That sounds like a swear for a very proper British gentleman. "Sir, if you don't support the Queen, you can place your tongue on my Harold W. Balls."

Blogger amanda lee said...

that is not funny....great sense of humor you have

Blogger yournamehere said...

amanda lee,
too bad I declared it Opposite Day. That means it is funny.

Anonymous blonde said...

wouldn't a grundy kind of be like a camel toe gone even worse?

sheesh...I hope I never get a grundy!

Blogger bikipatra said...

I feel bad for those poor people who live in Grundy, VA. Smegma heads for life.

Blogger IndependentGrl said...

I had a friend in high school whose father's name was Harry Back. And the name was quite indicative of what was going on, well, back there. It was hard not to laugh everytime I went to her house.

Blogger MoDigli said...

oh boy! ...

Once I knew a girl named
Mercedes Bends.

Why, people? Why?

Blogger katarina said...

Pete Moss is a pretty common name in my area. So is the name "Dorcas". Now that's mean.
Pennsylvania has cities called "Blue Ball", "Intercourse" and "Bird in Hand". Beat that.
These Amish people are crazy sex freaks.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I went to school with a girl named Misty Winter. It sounds like a porn name. How could you do that to a kid?

Blogger n.v. said...

What's the joke in "Pete Moss"?

Blogger yournamehere said...

I think pete moss is a fertilizer of some sort.

Blogger Brookelina said...

Using Peat Moss
Peat is the main ingredient in potting mixes and professional growing media. It is the unique ability of peat moss to retain water yet still allow oxygen to the plants that makes it so valuable.

Blogger Steve Caratzas said...

Hey Todd, sorry if I offended. Every time I think of Vegas I wonder how a person of your intelligence could exist in such a place. Vegas, to me, equals Dean Martin, Buddy Hackett, Charlie Callas, etc. Taking it in, even with a goodly dose of irony, would be a colossal challenge I should think.

Louisville, on the other hand, I found quite cool, interesting, and filled with enough progressive thinking people to open these jaded eyes. Ample hipness to win a dyed-in-the-wool New Yorker over.

Blogger katarina said...

Wow Brooke, you know a lot about pete moss...

Blogger Kristina said...

On topic: I knew a guy named Brian O'Brian.

Off topic: I went to school with a boy named Pleasant Lee Strange.

Poor kid.

Blogger Rob Danger said...

seriously though, why would his parents name him that?

Blogger MacManus said...

I knew a guy who was in the Navy.
His last name was Stains.

Blogger MacManus said...

When he first joined his rank was "Seaman". Then he got promoted to "Able Seaman"...I think he left after he realised his next rank was going to be "Leading Seaman"
Full rank and title on retirement was Able Seaman Stains

Blogger yournamehere said...

Paul, that cracked me up and reminded me of a story. I'll have to blog about it later. Please feel free to comment at will.

Blogger Heather said...

I went to school with a guy named Craven Peay.

I'm not kidding, I swear! He's a high school teacher now. Can't imagine the fun his kids have with that name.

Blogger The Teacher said...

Heather, this is Craven. Oh by the way, I teach middle school and I wouldn't say fargis is the coolest of names either. Tell Aaron I said hello

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