No, I'm not moving back to Louisville, Ky, at least not right away, but I am spending a long weekend there in a few weeks. I look forward to: seeing family, celebrating a birthday (not mine) with friends, hanging out with Dean and Lynnette, eating a god-damn proper fried fish sandwich, wilting under the crushing grip of humidity, counting the number of people who drive shirtless, getting drunk on the cheap, the "Back Door" pour, Cumberland Brews, Ear-x-tacy, strangers asking me how tall I am, the girl from the Starbucks at Oxmoor Mall who will always work there and always recognizes me when I come home as "That guy who moved to Vegas", real trees, real grass, no fucking mountains, Ramsi's Cafe on the World, affordable strip clubs, the sincere appreciation of trucker hats, unironic mullets, laughing at "downtown development", Churchill Downs, girls with Southern accents, the midget bartender who gets more "shovies" than any human on earth, Cherokee Park, the smell of citronella and the hum of bug zappers, drivers who use a turn signal, forty-year-olds who still wear their high school ring, the freaks at White Castle at four in the morning, knowing that most huge breasts are real, seeing my mom's new dog, The Homemade Ice Cream and Pie Kitchen, visiting former co-workers at the gigantic liquor store, guac and margaritas at El Mundo, telling intoxicated young ladies I own Caesar's Palace and I'm in Louisville to audition cocktail waitresses, wide wide Dixie Highway, the Red Lounge, baseball at Slugger's Field, and La Bamba's Burritos as Big as Your Head.
I'm sure I: a) left out a lot of stuff; b) bored the piss out of everyone. This blog was mainly just for me. If I mentioned something that you, as a never-been-to-Louisville reader, didn't understand, ask and I will explain. Also, any blog-buddies within driving distance of Louisville are invited to drink with me and my friends. August 6, Saturday night. Be there.
I'm sure I: a) left out a lot of stuff; b) bored the piss out of everyone. This blog was mainly just for me. If I mentioned something that you, as a never-been-to-Louisville reader, didn't understand, ask and I will explain. Also, any blog-buddies within driving distance of Louisville are invited to drink with me and my friends. August 6, Saturday night. Be there.
15 Comments:
don't worry, dude; the five questions are indeed a work in progress, about halfway done. (sorry again for the delinquency.) i seriously hope to wrap it up soon. as for the new girl... well, some CRAZY SHIT has come to the surface. honestly, i couldn't MAKE this shit up. hope to post it tomorrow. really. CRAZY SHIT. i asked god for a stripper... i had no idea he was actually listening... be careful what you ask for...
wow...that's a lot to do in just under 4 days. You need a date, sexy?
(checking how far Louisville is from Austin, calculating price of gas...)
Whats a "shovie"?
It's not boring at all. I moved a lot in my life and I have lists just like that for every place I miss and one for New Jersey.
Warning: This comment may be misconstrued as a stern lecture!
Why anyone would leave the charm - and hipness - of Louisville for the debauchery - and debauchery - of Las Vegas is completely beyond me.
Oh, no wait. Maybe it's the other way around. I'm confused.
Nostalgia is in the air! I hope you have a great time, and I'm also a little intrigued by the "shovie."
If I fly in, can I crash at your place?
I promise to drive around shirtless like the locals...
Late-late back porch drinking at my place, depending on the weather and liver conditions.
A "shovie" is when an average-sized woman grabs a midget by the back of his head and shoves him into her boobage. I posted about the phenomenon about a month or so ago. I'd put the link here but I'm too lazy.
I inadvertantly give shovies to short men all of the time. Being tall with big tits doesn't work well when the only men who talk to me are the size of jockeys.
I'm beginning to feel left out. Earlier today some of my co-workers were talking about White Castle. Sure I live near In & Out but what the hell is all the excitement over White Castle?!
I'm not within driving distance but you can pick me up on the way. I make a great road trip buddy.
Margaritas on me honey, interpret that anyway you want.
White Castle is a place that microwaves teeny tiny hamburgers. But it is a fast food place that offers mozzarella stix which I love since I don't eat meat.
I have a lap dance and a shovie waiting for you, baby.
Rachel,
I don't think Southwest Airlines will stop in Montana, but I'll see you in Vegas soon.
White Castles are the best drunk food on earth. In-n-Out is great, but they close at 1am. The Castle is always open.
Damn...if I'd known about it I would shoved the midget at the library.
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