Saturday, August 20, 2005
Die, Spammers, Die!
By now everyone has been hit by those cocksucking spamholes. I don't allow anonymous comments and they bypassed that by creating fake blogger accounts. I now officially declare war on the spam sending stroke-offs!

Hey, I'm an American; I'm used to corporate whores sponge-bathing their diseased cooters with the things I love. This blog-spam, however, goes too far. As my friend Alisha put it, "It's like someone putting their bumper sticker on your car." These blogs are our creative outlets. Some people write eloquent essays, post magnificent poetry, display gorgeous photographs. This blog is just a guy rambling about stupid people, bowel movements, and girls kissing; but it's MINE, goddammit. I take the time to post this meaningless shit and I should be able to decide whether or not I want someone's ad in MY comments section.

What really pisses me off is they try to hide their true intentions, but they do so poor a job of it as to insult our intelligence. It usually looks something like this:

jizzbucket corporate slurp says:
Wow, I really like your blog! I'm definitely adding a link to my site. Do your armpits smell like someone gutted a trout and filled the carcass with septic tank floaties? If so, try an amazing new deodorant at stinkyfuck.blogspot.com.

Am I supposed to read this intrusion and exclaim, "Hot fuckin' damn, jizzbucket corporate slurp likes my blog!"? Is that the reaction they're aiming for? "Since the jizz man likes my blog, I'll buy his useless products. No one who likes my blog is capable of dishonesty." Fuck them.

I hereby wish the following on the spammers: I hope they get bloody anal warts. I want their children to develop heroin addictions and take to servicing strangers in abandoned buildings for spare change. I want them to accidentally shit their pants every time they sneeze. I pray to god they live useless, uncelebrated lives and die painful, unmourned deaths. Is that asking too much?


12 Comments:

Blogger Rachel said...

Yay! I'm first. It's all about being your first baby. Now what were you saying? Oh yeah, blog-spammers and anal warts. Hmm, yeah, those two go together.

Thanks for the laugh sweet pea and keep it coming...the laughs, not the jizzbucket.

(I'm on the VIP list? I love you man, I really love you!)

Blogger Brookelina said...

Me first!!!

I felt the same way you did when it first started. But I now have chosen to make the most of the situation. I take these opportunities to utilize my potty mouth and curse the spammers out in my commentes - and then I delete them. It's actually quite satisfying. Try it.

Blogger Brookelina said...

Dammit Rachel! I thought I was first!

Blogger yunebug said...

ROTFLMAO!

Oh my. This has to be one of the funniest blogs I've come across. I'm pretty new to the whole blogging thing... and I've had a post like that. "Ooh!, I really like your blog! Are you bald? Would you like to have your hair back? Click here!"

...like I really want my ass hair on my head.

Keep 'em coming. That's so cool...

Blogger katarina said...

That's not too much to ask.
Make 'um pay.

Blogger Kris said...

Great minds think alike on blogging re: spamming . . .
How/why/where do those dastardly spammers do this? Clearly deep within the bowels of their headquarters next to the Hall of Justice.

Blogger Cincysundevil said...

They should all definitely die a horrible death. Spam is the worst thing about the internet right now. I've added that password verification to be sure it's an actual person and not some piece of shit program. I'm sure that those assholes will find a way to bypass it though .....

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Hearty agreement and applause.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Have you considered doing the word verification blogger offers for comments?

I hear it's supposed to cut down on spam.
Blogger hates spammers, too.

Blogger Princess Steph said...

i was really hoping to open up the comments and see a bunch of spam....

Todd - you rock. Oh, and I thought of you when I kissed a girl this weekend. :)

Blogger Egan said...

Melliferous, nice work on the spam-like comment. Are you a spammer?

Todd, yes these spammers suck ass. As if any of us would be roped in by their bullshit comments. A plague on their houses.

Blogger MoDigli said...

Totally feeling you on this topic!!!

I added the word verification and it has worked wonders! LOVE IT!

I was getting like 10 spam comments on one post!! How effed up is that BS?

bleeding anal warts isn't good enough for them! They need bleeding anal warts to break out on every inch of their body! LOL !

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