Friday, August 05, 2005
Random Thoughts of a Travelin' Man
This is a picture of Cumberland Brews in my hometown of Louisville, Ky. Some of the best beer I've ever swilled down my biscuit-hole is made here at this tiny brewery/restaurant.

I'll be in Louisville this weekend and I'll be having several Nitro Porters, Pale Ales, and whichever Stout they have on tap. I only wish they bottled their beer so I could take some back to Nevada with me.

I'll be gone until Monday but I hope to use a friend's computer and post completely Ted Kennedy-drunk either Saturday or Sunday. That should be interesting. Or a complete disaster that could lead to the absolute demise of this blogsite. Either way.

I've been thinking some more about my Alanis Morissette post: Boy, am I topical or what? That post was practically ripped from the headlines of today's paper. I am so not afraid to take on pop stars who peaked in popularity a decade ago! I'll bet the cast of Silver Spoons is quaking in their boots at the thought of being vegASSized. Look out, Jesus Jones, you're next.

I know someone who's being stalked at her job and it really pisses me off. Mother of Judas, some people need to fucking die. Hey, wastes of air out in blogland, the girl who was nice to you at the Circle K doesn't want to see you outside of her place of employment. She doesn't want to go to a Comic Book convention with you. She doesn't want you to follow her home and, when she pulls the shades down to undress, masturbate to her silhouette. She doesn't want to see your dick. And most of all, she doesn't want you to kill her! If it gets to the point that someone must die, then it should be you.

Whenever I go to my local Starbucks I'm always greeted by a nice, young, attractive blonde girl with a cheery tone and inviting smile. Each and every morning, no matter how hectic the pace, she makes me feel special. Do you know why she does this? BECAUSE IT'S HER FUCKING JOB, THAT'S WHY! Yeah, she's probably genuinely kind, but she doesn't like me any more than she likes the million other people who come into that Starbucks every day. She may prefer to wait on me as opposed to someone who treats her like shit, but the story ends there. I don't think she'd be quite as interested if I ran into her at the mall, SINCE SHE DOESN'T WORK THERE. I get it, and I'm lonely and quasi-delusional. Why don't these stalker fuckbrains understand? I worked at a Pier One part time when I first moved to Las Vegas, and one of our assistant managers, who also did modeling work, had two -count 'em, two- stalkers. She was one of the nicest people I've ever met and that was her fucking reward for being a decent human being. She smiled at a couple of lowlife walking afterbirths and they made her life frightening and unpleasant. I hope the two of them get together this Saturday night for a few movies, a bowl of popcorn, a pint of Ben and Jerry's, and a double suicide.

Everyone have a good weekend. I'll try to post drunk but if not, see you next week.


18 Comments:

Blogger n.v. said...

Toddsky! It'll be a lonely blog 'til Monday. Can you blog from hell?

Blogger n.v. said...

Hey I got first comment...that hasn't happened in a while 'cause you're so damn popular. Don't forget your first fan. Even if it wasn't really me, let's just pretend it was.

Blogger n.v. said...

First and biggest fan. Number 1, even.


"You cockadoodie!"

Blogger n.v. said...

Shit, I didn't mean that it's hell there. Have lots of fun, friend.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Dena, I just went through my archives. This is what I discovered: My friends from Louisville, Dave, Alisha and Heather, were the first people to comment on my blog.

Pusboy was the first person I've never met to comment on my blog, but I believe he lives in the Louisville area.

Steve Caratzas, from NYC and a hell of a guy, was therefore the first non-Louisvillian to comment on my blog. He does have a Louisville connection in that he knows Alisha.

So, you were the first person without a connection to myself, my hometown, or my friends to comment on my blog. But none of that would fuck-all matter to me if I didn't adore you and your blog. I wasn't there early, even though I went back and left a comment on your very first post. By the time I came along nonvocabulum was already a global phenomenon.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Have a nice trip!

Blogger Egan said...

So... back to the stalking thing. Great point about the Starbucks chick. I am glad you are able to put yourself in that situation. I think most don't even do a role reversal.. they just figure it's okay to freak people out.

I love you too Todd.

Blogger katarina said...

Hey, leave Silver Spoons alone.

I once had a stalker. It's the scariest shit. You're whole world changes. You have to be with someone constantly, you can't answer the phone, and when a cop hands you a stun-gun, it's just a fucking dream come true.

Have a good time, hun. Don't hurt yourself.

Blogger Heather said...

I've met the Starbucks girl...I think she wants you! See you tomorrow hotcakes!

Blogger Blonde said...

Have a safe and fun trip home!

I had a stalker from a job I had 8 years ago. I still keep the restraining order going and have unlisted numbers since. True, you are nice to someone becuase it is your job and they think you want them. This is not funny either. It is scary.

Blogger Princess Steph said...

I can stalk you if you would like - I have had the ever so wonderful experience as well.

Broken windows, phone calls at 3 am, looking out the window and seeing his car there at all hours. Very nice indeed.

Blogger Harley Quinn said...

Thanks for the emails.... Have a SWEET trip. I'll be looking forward to your posts :)

That's why it should be in every business policy that the female workers MUST be wailing banshee bitches. It takes the struggle out of those PMS days and it would assure our safety.

Blogger MoDigli said...

Have a fabulous time in KY, Todd! I can't wait to read your drunken ramblings from the homestate. Will you write with a Kentucky accent while you're there? Please....!!! :)

Blogger MoDigli said...

PS. Stalkers suck.

Everyone knows you can't FORCE someone to like you. Plus, forcing it only pushes them further away. Stalkers are such social retards!

Blogger Randi said...

i had a friend of mine turned enemy stalk me in high school once. he ended up putting sugar in my gas tank because i wouldnt date him...nice huh?

Blogger JJ said...

Stalkers are crazy. Ergo their logic is not our logic. And therefore when they read your post urging them to commit autostalkercide they don't think you're talking about them because that hot blonde at the sex toy store totally came on to them.

All this is by way of saying, they aren't going to kill themselves. We're going to have to help them. So grab your squirrel gun when you're back home, Jethro, and I'll by the "stalker" licenses down to the city hall.

Blogger Cladeedah said...

Leave Jesus Jones alone! (I was so hot for that dude back in the day... )

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