Tuesday, November 22, 2005
This Post Sucks Shit, But There's a Question to Answer at the End. Feel Free to Skip Ahead
When you're a big guy, there are certain colors of clothes that should not be worn. I usually wear dark colors like black and navy. Below is a list of colors I don't wear and the things they'd make me look like if I did.

Red = "Hey, Kool-aid!"

White = The Sta-Puf Marshmallow Man

Pink = Frankenberry

Orange = The sun going supernova

Purple = Grimace and/or Barney

Brown = A pile of elephant shit

Eggshell = Humpty Dumpty

tie-dye = Acid trip
*******
Also, sometimes life imitates art, but in this case art (The HBO series Curb Your Enthusiasm) imitates crap (this blog). On Sunday's episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, a woman accuses Larry's manager of having a small penis. The manager responds that the woman actually has a very large vagina, sort of like my post from last week. Interesting. Not funny or even entertaining, but interesting.
*******
This is my worst post ever. Damn. Okay, here's a question: What's the worst popular show in the history of television. A lot of shows suck but they don't last. I nominate The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Discuss. (Questions: The last refuge of a blogging scoundrel).

Cancel the Jay Leno thing. He sucks, but nothing was as bad as Family Matters.

UPDATE: The folks at Queue and E? have interviewed me. Check it out.
queue and eh interview


35 Comments:

Blogger Claudia said...

Two words: Full house...uncle jesse!

Howard Stern. Hands down.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Red = "Hey, Kool-aid!"

I used to have a friend who was on the squatty side. When she was a kid, her sister told her she was adopted and the Kool-aid kid was her real brother.

Everybody Loves Raymond. What a piece of fucking garbage.

Blogger Zombie Lou said...

Lou Reed votes for 'Growing Pains'.

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

pretty much anything on the ABC TGIF line up.

Blogger yournamehere said...

claudia,
Full House was bad on so many levels. It did, however, mark the last time Mary Kate Olsen was sober.

shaken,
I like the Howard Stern radio show, in small doses. Probably because of our mutual affection for lesbians. It doesn't make for riveting televison, though.

pants,
Your friend's sister was cruel. I don't think I ever saw an entire episode of Raymond, but the guy who played his father is pretty funny.

lou reed,
another bad show. Not as bad as your solo career, but horrid nonetheless.

kitty,
TV for the brainless.

Blogger Jo said...

I know no one in the entire world agrees with me, but I nominate CSI. I'll never get why everyone loves it so much.

Todd, the interview is up at Queue and Eh?

Please feel free to advertise this fact. Or not. Whatever you want.

Blogger Egan said...

Todd, I agree with you on the Howard Stern show. It's awful to watch on E!, but pretty entertaining for background radio. He doesn't flash his brilliance on the tv show that much and 30 minutes of a 4 hour radio show is hardly fair.

My vote for worst show is Arrested Development. I am thankful that show is going off the air. Who wants to see a child star playing a father anyways? Good riddance.

Blogger Egan said...

P.S. I was joking about Arrest Development.... I think.

Blogger katarina said...

Several years ago, I was at the beach during senior break (it wasn't MY senior break). I was wearing a dark purple bathing suit. Some teenage boys started singing the "I Love You" song. I put on a t-shirt. I also wore bright yellow once. The entire football team called me "Light Bright". I walked the back streets home.

What is that horrible show... It has Kelly Rippa on it... I think it's called Hope and Faith or Faith and Hope or something. I've never seen such horrible acting in my life(Besides Keanu). And that REBA show sucks pretty bad too. Those aren't really long-running shows though are they?

Blogger Ruben said...

So big men can't wear red? Damn! Now I have to go and throw away half the crap in my closet.

Blogger Rachel said...

I guess I don't watch enough television because I have nothing to contribute. I just didn't want to be left out entirely.

*sigh*

Love you!

Blogger The DogGrrrrl said...

Charmed is just bad. Talking robot cat? Demons who are just dudes with Halloween makeup? Shannon Dougherty with clothes on?

Okay, anything on Thuh Dubbya Bee.

I really don't watch much TV.

Blogger The DogGrrrrl said...

Oh, and I agree, large folks in purple always make my brain say "GRIMACE" or if the right shade... "BARNEY - I love you, you love me"

Blogger MsHellion said...

Worst TV ever - the fucking 700 Club.

Blogger sirbarrett said...

I don't know. I liked Family Matters more than Full House. That show sucked rock.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Claudia is right: FULL HOUSE.

Wait. Lou Reed is right: GROWING PAINS.

Golden Girls? The Commish? Um, Scarecrow and Mrs. King? Hmmm... Charles in Charge?

How do you choose? Tell me, how do you choose?

Blogger Shannon said...

I read this an immediately thought Full House. I guess I'm just a poseur. I really hate Fear Factor, so I guess I'll nominate that.

Blogger Princess Steph said...

no, no, what was that show that was on the WB that had Nikki Cox (OMG she's my fav) and that talking stuffed animal that lived in the basement? That was the worst show ever, but I still watched just for her crazy short skirts......

Blogger WhiteBoyBob said...

Worst show ever? Ooh tough one. I reckon any Pop Idol type deal really. I know it hasn't been running forever, it just feels like it.

Blogger WhiteBoyBob said...

PS Jo is right about CSI. Christ I hate that programme. For those dumbass Fox viewers it raises the expectations of police capabilities beyond the remotely feasible.

Blogger JJ said...

I was going to nominate Wings but then I did the sticom calculus and realized that a minute of According to Jim = an episode of Wings so it turns out According to Jim has been on quantumly longer.

So I nomiate Yes, Dear.

Blogger Imaginary Girl said...

This makes sense tome & im not wasted! mmm..kool aid

Blogger Imaginary Girl said...

Sorry? Worst Show... Flipper? maybe

Blogger Dan-E said...

jay leno totally sucks horse nuts. even kilborn was more watchable at times.

Blogger yournamehere said...

jo,
I don't watch CSI, so I can't say if it's good or bad.

nick,
I advertised, but NO ONE IS LISTENING TO ME. Go over and leave a comment, or I'll owe Nick money, everyone.

egan,
People are upset about this Arrested Development. Not enough to have actually watched it while it was on, but...

kat,
That's just horrible.

ruben,
maroon is okay.

Blogger yournamehere said...

rachel,
feel free to stray from the topic and declare your love for me anytime.

doggrrrrl,
remind me to throw away my purple tuxedo.

mshellion,
oh, shit, we may have a winner.

sirbarrett,
I just really hate Urkel.

ubermilf,
it's like choosing your method of execution.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I'm going to have to go with Fear Factor.

Blogger Egan said...

Todd, I've noticed a great success story of yours. If you immediately come out and say your post sucks, you get a shitload of comments. I may have to try this tactic of yours. More comments the merrier. You are always thinking.

Blogger yournamehere said...

shannon,
I hate that talentless douche Joe Rogan. He really thinks he's cool, which is just sad.

princess,
Nikki Cox is hot (not as hot as you, but hot). That show was unspeakably awful, like it was written by people who suffered head traumas.

bob,
the average small town police force isn't looking for fibers and cell samples, that's for sure.

jj,
the cast of Yes, Dear is on my Shovel Justice list. Every fuckin' one of them suck.

imaginary girl,
uh, does anyone else see imaginary girl? Does she exist?
Okay, that was lame. Thanks for commenting and please make it a habit. Have a pleasant evening.

dan,
I can't be friends with anyone who likes Leno over Letterman.

Blogger yournamehere said...

brooke,
another bad thing about Fear Factor is that it spawned so many crappier imitators.

egan,
I think it has more to do with the question at the end. When you know your post sucks, admit it, yes; but then ask a question, and make that question very easy to answer.

Blogger WunEyedDog said...

Getting rid of cable was one of the greatest things ever. I'm going to have to go with the Simple Life. I hate those bitches.

Blogger Egan said...

When a show starts to feature celebrity versions of itself, you know it's doomed. Celebrity Fear Factor is not a good thing. And that muscle bound host is a buffoon. You the man.

Blogger The real me said...

There are way too many to choose.

Everybody Loves Raymond (no they do not)

Post a Comment

<< Home

footer