The Scene: The University of Louisville's crappy, since-demolished student center. I and a group of friends are sitting at a table enjoying espressos when an annoying, obnoxious friend of a friend of an acquaintance sits down, uninvited, and makes an unsolicited announcement.
Annoying, Obnoxious, Uninvited Girl: "I had to break up with the boyfriend. He had a little dick."
Me: "Was it his little dick, or your big gaping vagina?"
Annoying, Obnoxious, Uninvited Girl: "I had to break up with the boyfriend. He had a little dick."
Me: "Was it his little dick, or your big gaping vagina?"
19 Comments:
Touche Mr Todd sir. If someone says something like that they're a prime target for a good toungue lashing! Oo err.
That's just plain cool. No doubt about it. You have to be careful, though, it might jump out and swallow if you insult it too much.
And you wonder why you have no girlfriend?
Try biting your tongue next time!
Nicely done. It's about time we men took a stand against the constant objectifying of our Penisis.
You sir, are a genius.
And Brooke is correct. The board on the ass is the appropriate method for testing the vagina's width.
I do wonder why the annoying, obnoxious twice removed aquaintance would choose you and your friends for this confession. Did you have a sign out: "Appalling confessions accepted here?"
I'm through not offending people. No matter what you say you're going to offend people.
I'm going to start throwing pudding at people.
Oh I love coming here. I truly do. You are a man among men.
And Calzone, you spelled penises wrong.
You should have had a camera for the Screech-face that chick probably made after you said that.
So is it appropriate for me to share my own small penis story here? It seems like this group of readers wouldn't judge me if I had an abnormally small unit. There's got to be a small penis support group out there somewhere.
YNH ~ Your reply to my comment was pure genius. I was able to visualize the woman with a clarity usually reserved for microscopes.
My admiration grows.
And I to will be throwing pudding at people in the near future.
I "too". Ech.
And then the two of you got married or what?
Chicks who so callously and publicly make such statements are rarely tight as a mouse's ear to begin with. I am sure she was well worn, like the saddle of a Wyoming ranch hand.
I believe she was the sister to this friend of a friend of a friend...this girl interrupted a conversation between me and another girlfriend by stating "you know, masturbation helps relieve menstrual cramps". Our jaws hit the floor and before we knew it she was gone. Now what the hell do you say to that?
By the way, I'm addicted to your postings, thanks!
You really know how to sweet talk the ladies.
ubie,
ummm, pudding.
kat,
she thought I was kidding, so someone else had to tell her to go the fuck away.
brooke,
I always assume you're being sarcastic, but thanks.
joint,
she already had a Screech face.
egan,
didn't you say on your blog that you're hung like a blue-ribbon bull? Really, that's between you and your wife, man.
kat,
good one. A small, embittered support group.
brian,
still, I wouldn't have said that to just anyone.
monkey,
she would say things like, "Oh, creative writing. How cute."
jj,
I asked for a handjob, but no dice.
mshellion,
perfect. I have nothing to add.
princess steph,
I am also a cunning linquist.
monkey,
link away. Through feces at it as well, if you wish.
pusboy,
it was worth the subpar education just to be able to get off a line like that.
little,
that's when I'd break out the non-sequitar, such as "I like my pastries to be a nice golden brown on the outside."
evil,
no slacking. We can both be.
pants,
they don't call me 'No Game' for nothing.
Ohhh Todd!!! You made my day! (again)
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