I've lived in two distinctively different cities in my life, but there is one type of person common to both places: The loudmouthed middle-aged man who wears a half-buttoned shirt which accentuates his patch of gray chest hair. These guys are everywhere, and I've never seen one who wasn't a complete ass. Whenever I see a middle-aged man holding up a line or screaming at a waiter or taking up four parking places with his '77 LTD, I instinctively look for that patch of gray chest hair. I think these guys are all in a Shriner's club for boisterous, know-it-all fucks; and that proudly displayed tuft of gray framed by a Wal-Mart checkered-pattern shirt is their badge of honor.
Keep in mind, I'm not disparaging all men with gray chest hair; just those who go out of their way to call attention to it. It's always freakishly long and horribly unkempt, and sometimes accented by a gold chain from the Mr. T starter kit. Why, I ask? Why? Do any of you ladies see yourself growing old with a patch-o'-hair-showin' guy? I need to know.
Keep in mind, I'm not disparaging all men with gray chest hair; just those who go out of their way to call attention to it. It's always freakishly long and horribly unkempt, and sometimes accented by a gold chain from the Mr. T starter kit. Why, I ask? Why? Do any of you ladies see yourself growing old with a patch-o'-hair-showin' guy? I need to know.
29 Comments:
Again, who says this post isn't funny? I can just imagine you fuming about this gray haired beast. Let's hear what the ladies have to say on this one.
And suddenly, being single feels so good.
If my man ever started sportin' the gray chest patch, I'd forcibly rip each hair out one by one with tweezers.
I saw a guy like that the other day in the book store! Shirt open to mid-chest and the lawn was unkempt!
Still wiping the egg off my face... stuck in some places and won't come off.
egan,
I'm usually fuming because I have yet to see one of these guys who's a decent human being.
brooke,
so I'm assuming you vote "no" to the hair-showin'.
amie,
Note to Ben: Ixnay on the atchpay.
molly,
I was going to berate you for being shallow, but then I remembered I'm the same way with girls who have big juggs.
real,
they're everywhere.
Grey chest hair is just wrong. Do they have grey pubic hair too? Imagine that! Ohhh my eyes!
Not even, Todd. Black chest hair, maybe. Perhaps I'll keep him in a life supply from the Steve Gutenberg Starter Kit.
I normally have to hold myself back from braiding and inserting beads into the aforementioned chest hair, but I most certainly cannot see myself growing old with it.
Ewww. Reminds me of family my reunion.
*barf*
You just described my tenth grade algebra teacher.
I hear when you get old your pubic hair falls out, just thought you'd like to know. (This is completely unrelated to my algebra teacher.)
steph,
I'm not sure, but I'll ask one of them, "Hey, does the carpet match the drapes?"
dena,
I think Steve Guttenberg sells merkins on the internet.
andi,
c'mon, it would be a lifetime of arts and crafts.
boogie pants,
I've choked on soup. Cream of Tiny Plastic Figurines. Not good.
Claudia,
"There's a hair in my potato salad."
ms. pants,
do you watch geezer porn?
No, but I have a funny story about geriatric porn. Maybe I will share it later this week.
When I was in high school my best friends mother was going back to college. She told us the pubic hair gem one night while she was studying. A little piece of me died inside that night.
I hate old people. I hate young people.
Pretty much, I just hate people.
I like this anecdote Todd, it was light with good content and easy to read.
This seems like the same kind of guy that drives a Mazda Miata (Mazda should market these directly to mid-life crisis sufferers), BluBlockers, and a Members Only jacket.
Oh, I hope I don't grow old with some crazy graypatch chest obnoxious guy! Ew!
I've always favored the boyish hair-free chest, myself!
digital,
that would be up to the gentleman.
pants,
I love your geriatric porn stories.
nick,
it also has a good beat and is easy to dance to.
joint,
I used to rock the Member's Only jacket.
mo,
I'm sure your future will be crazy graypatch chest-free.
shaken,
thank you once again for a different perspective.
Lou Reed,
If this were 1967, I'd be honored that you read my blog. As it is, go ride your Honda Scooter off a cliff.
shaken,
the glass is half full? Time for a refill.
I had the Members Only jacket too, it was part of the Sam Malone "Babe Kit"
I can see myself growing old with 173 hairy chests. All attached to felines. Cuz my life is sad like that... lol
evil,
taco meat? I shan't visit Taco Bell ever again.
joint,
wasn't the Sam Malone Babe kit sold at participating Woolworth's?
jo,
don't become the cat lady. Run away from the light.
shaken,
damn, I wish I still had that Member's Only jacket.
You wanna borrow one of mine?
I figure if I don't show off my chest hair, then he shouldn't show off his. Fair enough. ;)
Oh yeah, it came in a gym bag with polarized aviators, a bottle of Old Spice and a shirt that came without the top 4 buttons.
I like the way their necklaces just sort of float atop the foamy gray sea of their chest hair.
I've also noticed that men of this ilk turn red alot. And their veins bulge.
I'm thinking they have a heart attack and die at a fairly young age.
Todd, I have to come back when I can think.
*hugs*
I like Rachel's picture. It's pretty
nick,
yeah, fed ex that mo'fo'!
carson,
I pay extra to buy shirt that contain my gut, god damn it.
ruben,
the check's in the mail.
mshellion,
fair, and nauseating.
joint,
old spice is the scent of sexy.
princess steph,
Who are they? I'm the only dirty old man for you.
ubie,
they die and the open casket funeral shows off the patch for one last time.
cano',
I've never seen one of these hair-showin' guys who deserves someone as fantastic as you, but it's nice to know you're so accepting.
doggrrrl,
ha, I can hear that commercial in my head.
rachel,
please do.
ubie,
it is, as is she.
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