I'm definitely in a much better mood than I was last week. Instead of wallowing in my depression, I've had time to think about why I get depressed. My diagnosis: I'm not stupid enough. Don't get me wrong, I'm not smart enough to be a scientist or surgeon, but I'm just intelligent enough to take an objective look at my life and the world at large and be severely disappointed.
Oh, I long to be stupid. Imagine how easy life would be if I was an easily entertained mush-brained jackfuck. I want to be able to turn on the radio and sing along to mindless musical kelp; I want to enjoy movies featuring Danny Glover saying "I'm too old for this shit"; I want to laugh uncontrollably at the madcap misadventures of Ziggy and have The Family Circus whimsically tug at my heartstrings; I want to be genuinely amused when someone asks "How's the weather up there?"; I want to engage in a lively Ford v. Chevy debate; I want to believe unconditionally in Intelligent Design; I want to boo the villains of pro wrestling; I want to decorate my car with Ribbon Magnents; I want to think a bumper sticker of Calvin urinating on something is endlessly hilarious; I want to leave an unironic complimentary comment on a Blog of Note; I want to read self-help books and feel self-helped; I want to have a quote from "Yes, Dear" for every social situation; I want to never question authority; and I want to develop a taste for inexpensive beer.
On second thought, bring on the fucking depression.
Oh, I long to be stupid. Imagine how easy life would be if I was an easily entertained mush-brained jackfuck. I want to be able to turn on the radio and sing along to mindless musical kelp; I want to enjoy movies featuring Danny Glover saying "I'm too old for this shit"; I want to laugh uncontrollably at the madcap misadventures of Ziggy and have The Family Circus whimsically tug at my heartstrings; I want to be genuinely amused when someone asks "How's the weather up there?"; I want to engage in a lively Ford v. Chevy debate; I want to believe unconditionally in Intelligent Design; I want to boo the villains of pro wrestling; I want to decorate my car with Ribbon Magnents; I want to think a bumper sticker of Calvin urinating on something is endlessly hilarious; I want to leave an unironic complimentary comment on a Blog of Note; I want to read self-help books and feel self-helped; I want to have a quote from "Yes, Dear" for every social situation; I want to never question authority; and I want to develop a taste for inexpensive beer.
On second thought, bring on the fucking depression.
33 Comments:
I'm first, I'm so cool, I'm first
Okay, now that I've got that out of the way...
Yes. I completely understood Kurt Cobain's line, "I wish I was like you... easily amused"
I don't think so, though. We might have lows, but we have highs, too, because we can truly and deeply appreciate things.
Like a really good cupcake. With homemade chocolate frosting.
Ubie,
you mock me with your delectible edibles. Oh, and with your cupcakes, too.
Ubie - (e)
Todd - If my choices are depression or that other shit, then I'm right next to you man. We'll sit in a bar not talking sipping on expensive bourbon and wash it all down with vulgarities that would make Hicks blush.
I'm pretty sure that when the Family Circus whimsically tugs at your heartstrings it means you are dead inside.
Were you trying to say the secret to happiness is being on the shovel justice list?
shaken,
yes, thank god I now live near a clean Vons. You bought a gallon of vodka? Did it come with its own lifeguard?
nick,
I love expensive bourbon.
Oh, it seems a certain group of rogue commentors has driven a certain casual blogger off of the web.
pants,
yeah, if the FC gets to you, its time to swallow a shotgun.
Shaken,
of course not. It's just that I used to work at a liquor store and I don't remember a larger size than half-gallon. Did you buy two of those?
Depression is good sometimes. It usually helps me re-focus.
No one can go around happy as a clam all of the time. If they do, then they are too stupid to know what is going on.
You and I are going to be drinking margaritas in 27 days together...we will get alcohol induced happy then :)
evil,
cults freak me out, unless its a cult where young ladies give blowjobs to fat, freakishly tall guys.
nick,
that guy is really thin-skinned.
blonde,
alcohol-induced happy is the bestest happy of them all! I'm afraid Shaken will out-drink us both.
shaken,
your liver probably has a contract out on you.
nick,
I'm guessing Cosmos, like Samantha from Sex in the City, but with a skankier twat.
shaken,
keep in mind I'm from Kentucky, and my liver weighs more than your entire body.
I am so happy you mentioned that Danny Glover crap. It's a tired line from tired a movie series. Thinking is so overrated. At least all of us in bloggy land can do our best to boost your ego by showering you with compliments. That shit doesn't happen in the unplugged world. Best of lucky man.
I can definitly agree with the desire for stupidity sometimes. I think being in the military would be a thousand times easier if I could just get them to sign off on paying for a lobotomy. And I work in one of the "smart" career fields.
Oh to be brain dead, rock in a corner and let the world pass you by. Bliss.
I casually dropped by the Friday guy, dressed in my alter-ego. Nick knows my secret identity.
If he can't brush off some all-in-good-fun ribbing, then he's a sissy boy whiny pants crybaby.
By the way, there's a Stewie bobble head, too.
There is a reason for the expression ignorance is bliss.
Stupid makes me angry, and for some odd reason, angry makes me happy. And tequila. Excuse me whilst I go enjoy my red state-induced "hangriness."
Did you seriously post this in the future and already get close to 30 comments?
Must be the sex appeal. I need to get some of that, dammit.
I think about this a good bit. The idea that ignorance is bliss. (I just saw that Brooke already said that - I SO DID NOT COPY HER!)
Anyhoo - you NEVER want to really go there. Just think, how badly would a truly ignorant blog suck?
That sounded smart, didn't it? ;)
Some philospher I had to read in college, Kierkagaard, said that happy people are just in denial about their despair. Despair is universal, and the deeper in despair you are, the closer you are to reaching god/brownies/enlightenment/truth/orgasm. Since that idea was despressing enough, I never finished the book and assumed he died drunk in a gutter. Anyways, all I'm saying is that you're on the right track.
I had the arguement that being stupid makes some people happier, because they just can't worry about stuff the way normal people do.
the person i was arguing with didnt understand, as they were stupid, but happy.
i think about that a lot. i know people who i'm certain hear nothing but constant toilet flushing in their heads...that is, until they start thinking about hockey.
sometimes, that would be nice (except for the hockey part).
Far more interesting to be superior...
Isn't there an expression that says something about genius and madness being bed partners?
Kris is a copycat...Kris is a copycat...Kris is a copycat...
What is this Blog of Note where you leave ironic compliments? I want to see.
Wait... Are you saying you DON'T want to date me and being fodder for my third book? Goddammit...
I think you may find the answer in a box of Crayola crayons. Just inster up nostril into frontal lobe.
Ubie mentioned the highs and the lws, but forgot the creamy middles.
You could also be entertained by Nascar as well.
shaken,
drinking more bourbon than you counts. Bourbon is liquor.
nick,
I'll drink vodka and tequilla.
shaken,
see above reply.
egan,
you are so right. I don't think I've had thirty non-blog related compliments my entire life.
wuneyed,
but the lobotomy leaves such a nasty scar.
steph,
it's like alzheimers without the wrinkles.
ubie,
yeah. I think Monkey feels genuinely upset that it came to this. I'm nonplussed.
brooke,
would that reason be that, indeed, ignorance is bliss?
mshellion,
Cue Ren saying "I enjoy being angry."
kris,
true ignorance has its place. Newspaper comics, for example.
shannon,
if someone is eating brownies while receiving oral sex, is that called a brumpkin?
bobby,
sometimes if I want to make myself happy, I think of baked goods.
ago-go,
the constant toilet flushing sound would always make me have to pee.
real,
yeah, but genius just lays there.
doggrrrl,
Until your arrival, I'll practice laughing insincerely at that line.
brooke,
it's just shameless thievery, isn't it?
gwen,
no, I SO want to date you and become fodder for your third book. I was talking about a former blog of note that I shan't note ever again.
bob,
I like the post-race fights in Nascar, but that's about it.
ahhh, blissful ignorance! You could always squint your eyes, plug your ears, and go "LA LA LA LA LA LA" for the rest of your life!
... and in bloggy land we can shower you with at least 30 compliments a day. Keep up the good work. The real world is just so damn daunting.
A window sticker of Calvin urinating is not endlessly hilarious?? Have you no sense of comedy, sir?
Right after a good chuckle at Family Circus, one can get a hardy laugh at Garfield, the funny cat that isn't funny.
Let's not forget how you want to believe The Amazing Race isn't fixed and that the nicest couple/family is just lucky enough to win despite facing the last round with no money.
mo,
I've tried that. It hurts the ears and one tends to get thrown out of the nicer restaurants.
egan,
I don't blog for the compliments. Who am I fooling? Of course I do.
rip,
if a person pissed on one of those stickers, that would be funny.
joint,
Garfield likes lasagna.
Julie,
hello. Did anyone ever pick the Average Joe?
shaken,
comic strips aren't funny when there is no punchline.
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