Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Fun with Myspace

Who is this "fetching" creature? Well, it's me. Uh...let me explain. As part of a social experiment, and because I'm a prick, I created Kelli, a Las Vegas native and Myspace newbie.

I chose someone who is attractive, but in a cheesy, plastic way. I also wrote the most obnoxious profile on earth, purposefully making Kelli a terrible human being.

Not surprisingly, some men don't care about Kelli's toxic personality; they just want to get hold of those giant fake funbags. I'm almost sure most of them didn't even read the text. One guy, who of course may also be fake, wants to meet Kelli and "take her shopping". Priceless.

But don't take my word for it. Go to myspace.com/hottyvegas and view Kelli's profile. Be sure to click on her profile song. The effect isn't complete without it.

Once you read about her, you'll be amazed that anyone wants to talk to my creation. But they do, my blogitches. Yes they do.

Note: As an added bonus, I'm getting messages from vapid women. Good times.


40 Comments:

Blogger miss kendra said...

she sure makes a lot for a hostess.

also, tokyo drift? genius level.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

You rock so hard.

Funbags?!?!?!

This makes me miss my old alterego, Budding Rose. She was cool.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

"If god wanted us to read, he wouldn't have made books so boring" = genius.

Oh, and nice rack.

Blogger solethoughts said...

Can I add her as a friend?? I did a similar thing on Craigslist just to see what kind of replies I got. Maybe I'll do it again to see what kind of responses I get.

Blogger solethoughts said...

Getting your 'drunk on?' Sad that people respond to that.

That is priceless. Love the profile song....so appropriate.
I actually think I saw this chick at Von's the other day.

Blogger Egan said...

I absolutely love your way of thinking Todd. This is precisely why I have the MySpace profile picture I do. I can't wait to hear the results of your big experiment.

Does Kelli have any Friends yet? Make sure to link her to as many slimeballs as possible, that will make her seem more legit.

Blogger Phain said...

let us know if you get any messages from vapid men... ;)

Blogger katarina said...

"Kelli" is hot.

This is a good experiment even if it doesn't go down in the history of science books.

Yvonne can NOT pass for 14 years old. What the hell?

Blogger Flounder said...

My favorite part is the "heroes", though I think that you could add Anna Nicole Smith to the list.

Blogger Trix said...

You're terrible...and I love you for it.

Blogger Randi said...

thats fucking awesome!

Blogger sonrisa morena said...

you totally just became my hero!!!!

Blogger Übermilf said...

And Todd, yet again, exposes the dark underbelly of Imperial America as it slides into the sewer of history

You saps. Kelli's real. Todd isn't. How gullible can you be?

Blogger yournamehere said...

kendra,
I noticed from online dating that everyone in Vegas makes AT LEAST fifty grand, but then when I'd go out with them they worked at Sears. I don't know how they did it.

spinning,
I rock so hard I hurt my hip. I'm getting too old for this.

tits,
this woman will one day be a Senator.

sole,
this whole thing is sad. But feel free to add her as a friend.

vast,
that's right; you live next to "Busy Von's", the most crowded grocery store on earth. That place is Bimbo Central.

egan,
Kelli is adding friends at a fast rate. I'm linking her to anyone who asks.

le chat,
one guy is coming to Vegas this weekend and wants to meet her and take her shopping. He is very persistent.

kat,
Hey, I'm only human...I'd buy a lapdance from Kelli. I just wouldn't respond to her myspace profile.

flounder,
I think Kelli would dismiss Anna Nicole because she used to be fat.

trix,
I could be really evil if that would make you love me more.

randi,
thanks. How's everything in Henderson?

sonrisa,
your hero would crash your birthday party this weekend if he didn't have to work his shitty job.

ubie,
"Exposing the Dark Underbelly of Imperial America as it Slides into the Sewer of History" was going to be the new tag line for my blog, but instead I went with "I don't think you're ready for this KY jelly."

Blogger yournamehere said...

john,
if I was really Kelli, I'd be playing with my massive fake boobies right now.

Blogger Flounder said...

No way dude. Anna was the original giant fake boobed gold digger.

Blogger Egan said...

she's a true whore. Good work man.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I wonder how many guys have hit the PF Changs in Summerlin looking for Kelli and her flotation devices.

Blogger Egan said...

Update: Jesse of MySpace fame has 8744 Friends. Kelli has some whoring out to do.

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

So, you gonna let the guy take you shopping or what??

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

I just read Kelli's profile....I already knew all that info from her cleavage...she really doesn't sound that bad. I think I better help you whore her up a bit!

Blogger tlsd said...

oh Todd you made my sides ache I laughed so much....

hahahhahahahaha

Blogger Shannon said...

awesome!

Blogger Brookelina said...

I forgot to say that Kelli is totally not believable. Not enough spelling errors.

Blogger Cold Hands said...

really fucking spectacular!!!!

muhahahaha. I love your evil ways.

Blogger Rachel said...

Would that be the Wynn Dixie?

Lovin' you!

Blogger Livia said...

Genius... pure genius. You are awesome!

You're a gentleman and a scholar, Todd. You should have an honorary doctorate from Harvard in sociology for this.

Blogger yournamehere said...

flounder,
Kelli has no appreciation of history.

egan,
she'd agree with you.

brooke,
Actually, it's a known fact in Vegas that the PF Changs in Summerlin has the best looking hostesses on earth. Although they do have, for the most part, natural racks.

egan,
Jesse is some sort of faux musician, it seems. I need to record a song as Kelli.

tumbleweed,
she doesn't sound that bad? She's awful!

tlsd,
I'm glad you liked this.

Shannon,
spread the word. Kellimania is coming to Vegas.

brooke,
she used spellcheck.

coldhands,
I think I need to be more evil then.

rachel,
I shop at Kroger.

livi,
thanks. Come down and visit me.

andi,
those bastards at Harvard always overlook me.

Blogger Cladeedah said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Blogger Cladeedah said...

Ha! You had Brian and me totally rolling. Did you see this video on my blog by chance? If not, check out the other Kelly....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnWuCWOTFJM

Blogger Secret said...

You have got to be shitting me?!?!
15 friends? And they really want to know her?? Ok, except Egan...

By the way, you've offically ruined me. That was the first time I wnet to check out "Myspace"

Damn...I was doing so good too.

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

She may be aweful.....but you would do her!! :)

Blogger little ol' me? said...

Funbags??? My girls have a new nickname! Thanks Toddy!

Blogger yournamehere said...

claudeedah,
how are you and your husband doing? Stay indoors. It's too hot to venture outside.

terri,
she's allowed to be a complete zero because of her boobs.

tumble,
I'd do her, but she wouldn't do me, and I certainly wouldn't waste any efforts trying to convince her to.

Blogger yournamehere said...

little ol me,
will you think of me everytime you look at your funbags?

Blogger FRITZ said...

this is incredible work. really. this is like a...a veritable virtual life you've created out of the air.
her eyes, her hair, and oh god those tits.

now.

i dare you to do an ugly smart girl and put it up on myspace. just for shits and giggles.

Blogger 2012天氣晴朗 said...

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