Saturday, September 09, 2006
The Real Truth About 9/11
A lot of people are concerned about the ABC "docu-drama" Path to 9/11, claiming it is biased and unfair toward the Clinton administration. As a good citizen of these United States, I previewed this film and am happy to share my findings.

Here is a transcript from a pivotal scene in the "docu-drama". I'll let you judge for yourself if it is indeed biased.

Scene: A CIA operative has captured Osama Bin Laden and calls the White House to confirm the order to kill.

CIA Operative: "I've captured Bin Laden. All I need is the President's permission to take him out."

White House Staffer: "Well, President Clinton is busy right now having sex with a goat, which he will then sacrifice to his lord and savior, Satan."

CO: "But I have Osama Bin Laden. Public Enemy Number One. He's mocking the United States, saying we don't have the balls to kill him."

WHS: "He's probably right. We pride ourselves in being scrote-less little girls."

CO: "He says if I don't kill him now he'll organize a terrorist attack on the United States."

WHS: "That's big talk from someone with bad kidneys. Tell him to not piss in five different directions at once, and then we'll listen to his threats."

CO: "He says if we let him live, his followers will fly planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon on September 11, 2001."

WHS: "Okay, I think the President has finished fucking beasts and worshipping the devil, so I'll let you speak to him."

President Clinton: (portrayed as the devil, complete with horns and a pitchfork) "What the hell do you want?"

CO: "Mr. President, I've captured Osama Bin Laden. If I let him go, he vows to destroy the Twin Towers. If I kill him, the plan dies as well."

Clinton: (casually browsing through a kiddie-porn magazine) "Let him go. He's giving me two of his wives in exchange for an unlimited line of credit at a flight school in Florida."

CO: "Mr. President, I cannot in good conscience...."

Clinton: (interrupting) "Shut up and obey my orders or I'll do to you what I did to Vince Foster."

Well, there you have it. Draw your own conclusions.


Blogger ginonymous said...

jesus christ, todd. why aren't you a speechwriter?

your present is nearly complete.

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

when I become queen of the world, I would want you as a speechwriter.

It's not Clinton's or Bush's fault. Religious whackos flew those planes. They pinned the blame for Pearl Harbor on Kimmel because they needed an American scapegoat for the actions of the sneak attackers. Same thing here. The 9/11 hijackers boarded the planes with nothing illegal on their persons. Going back now and trying to say Clinton or Bush or whoever should have had a crystal ball to see 9/11 coming is an exercise in mental masturbation. It might make you feel good, but it's ultimately just something to pass the time.

Blogger Chris said...

And masturbation is bad how?

Blogger Anna said...

I can't draw the curtains, much less a conclusion!

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Jimmy Kimmel starred in "Pearl Harbor?" No wonder it sucked.

Blogger Cold Hands said...

I wonder how many hits you are going to get searches based on some of the contents of this one....

you are getting a present from ginoymous? I want one, who do I have to fuck to get one?

Blogger tlsd said...

Todd I want to feel your present's oh hang on that's not right...oops i think i may be drunk.... oops...


I fucking hate movies associated with 9/11 but that's only because it brings back memories of one of the saddest days ever and I feel like all the movies are just tragedy-wanking off to the whole misery of what happened, then and subsequent.

Blogger Brookelina said...

This is why I don't watch the news anymore. I get all my facts from here.

Blogger AL said...

bin laden, schmin laden... everyone needs to fear me...

Blogger MoDigli said...

ha! I get so serious about my pissed-off-ed-ness (yeah, that's a word) at this whole thing. Thanks for making me laugh at how fucked up it all is. You rock, Todd.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Thanks, Todd. I needed that.

Blogger Mister Mxyzptlk said...

Yeah, but what about the spot on Bin Laden's blue robe?

Blogger Secret said...

Love your stuff man! LMAO!!!

In the words of my 12 yr old "YOU ROCK DUDE"

Blogger yournamehere said...

I like presents.

as long as I can hug you and cop a cheap feel every once in a while. Or have sex with you. Whichever.

I don't think I've ever blamed Bush for the actual event, and I've blamed him for lots, including the horrible exploitation of this tragedy for political gain. Face it, Bush was a one-termer if 9/11 never happened.

masturbation in a 7-11 is bad.

I know you can't draw the curtains; I watch you undress.

"Pearl Harbor" was so bad, Jimmy Kimmel would have been an improvement.

cold hands,
"..who do I have to fuck to get one?" That would be me, my dear.

thanks for adding to the political discourse in such a lucid fashion.

Blogger yournamehere said...

I agree. It's too soon. Imagine if "Schindler's List" had been made in 1950.

so, you get all your facts from here? Okay... if you don't sleep with me, the terrorist will have won.

oh, I do fear you, just for writing that.

it's truly a fucking mess.

I haven't heard a woman say that in quite some time.

with that name, do you drive a cab in Las Vegas?

do you let your 12-year-old read my blog? Just kidding.

Blogger Nick said...

Todd, Say his name backwards and see what happens.

Blogger katie schwartz said...

ok, I think I love you.

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