I realize that email spam is an internet inevitability, but I've had a few examples lately that have gone too far down the Insult My Intelligence highway. I've decided "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" so I'm going to act as stupid as they think I am.
For instance, I received the following email the other day:
***************************
Hey there hot stuff....
I heard you were the life of the party lastnight. LOL Hungover much?
I know you are on the market and one of the girls that did some part time work
with me is really attractive and looking for a no-strings type of relationship.
She has an ad on http://www.newwildlove.com/?746F6464766567617340636F782E6E6574
She is the cutie on the top left. Her name is Isabella, "Izzy" and she is well
focused, a hard worker and seems to have sex on the brain all the time. lol
(just your type). Let me know if you are interested. She's coming over Friday to
do some copywriting for me, so we'll have time to have a chat about it. You
could always drop by for lunch Friday too, if you can break free from the
office. She writes erotic stories for Penthouse, so she is very open minded, I
really think you too could hit it off.
Let me know,
xoxo--Kate
PS. If this works out, you owe me big. (A date with Jeromy? hehe)
***************************************************************
Wow, I can't believe I went to a party and got so shitbomb drunk I don't remember meeting Kate. And apparently I now have not only an office job but a good friend named Jeromy. Cool. I think tomorrow when I leave my nice new high-paying office job I'll go have expensive cocktails with Jeromy and ask him why his parents can't spell "Jeremy". Then I'll go over to Izzy's place and give her a sound rogering. My life is so swell, and I owe it all to a near-fatal drinking binge.
Also, I checked my myspace mailbox recently and three different hot chicks who look exactly alike all want to be my friend. What are the odds of that? Man, at first I thought they were triplets but two of them are twenty-one and the other is only twenty. Hey, maybe they are triplets, but two of them have really kick-ass fake IDs so they go around saying they're twenty-one. They should hook their sister up with a fake ID and we can all go to a club. Check these hot chicks out. There's Sara from Albuquerque,http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=103025483 Bambina from Tulsa, http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=103083415 and
DitzyHun from Austin.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=103068746
Damn, I'm lucky to have such hot friends.
For instance, I received the following email the other day:
***************************
Hey there hot stuff....
I heard you were the life of the party lastnight. LOL Hungover much?
I know you are on the market and one of the girls that did some part time work
with me is really attractive and looking for a no-strings type of relationship.
She has an ad on http://www.newwildlove.com/?746F6464766567617340636F782E6E6574
She is the cutie on the top left. Her name is Isabella, "Izzy" and she is well
focused, a hard worker and seems to have sex on the brain all the time. lol
(just your type). Let me know if you are interested. She's coming over Friday to
do some copywriting for me, so we'll have time to have a chat about it. You
could always drop by for lunch Friday too, if you can break free from the
office. She writes erotic stories for Penthouse, so she is very open minded, I
really think you too could hit it off.
Let me know,
xoxo--Kate
PS. If this works out, you owe me big. (A date with Jeromy? hehe)
***************************************************************
Wow, I can't believe I went to a party and got so shitbomb drunk I don't remember meeting Kate. And apparently I now have not only an office job but a good friend named Jeromy. Cool. I think tomorrow when I leave my nice new high-paying office job I'll go have expensive cocktails with Jeromy and ask him why his parents can't spell "Jeremy". Then I'll go over to Izzy's place and give her a sound rogering. My life is so swell, and I owe it all to a near-fatal drinking binge.
Also, I checked my myspace mailbox recently and three different hot chicks who look exactly alike all want to be my friend. What are the odds of that? Man, at first I thought they were triplets but two of them are twenty-one and the other is only twenty. Hey, maybe they are triplets, but two of them have really kick-ass fake IDs so they go around saying they're twenty-one. They should hook their sister up with a fake ID and we can all go to a club. Check these hot chicks out. There's Sara from Albuquerque,http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=103025483 Bambina from Tulsa, http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=103083415 and
DitzyHun from Austin.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=103068746
Damn, I'm lucky to have such hot friends.
17 Comments:
Do you think there are guys stupid enough to be all, "Dude, I don't remember that, and I don't have a friend named Jeromy (who the fuck does???), but that Izzy chick sounds hot. I'll go check out her ad?"
Because if so, I feel the need to weep for humanity.
Also, I'll totally be your hot friend.
I'd like to know who the MySpace girl actually is. How much you wanna bet she has nothing to do with this campaign at all?
But really, I just want to know. Because she's pretty hot.
Wow, maybe you could introduce me to Jeromy.
Hey there hot stuff... *purrrrr*
*smirk*
Compulsory sterilization for the terminally stupid and anyone with man-el toe... hmm that could work.
I was at the party and you were disgustingly drunk... man, your hands where everywhere... ah, fond, fond memories...
Damn, I'm lucky to have such hot friends.
You are, you really are
;)
Lovin' you
(oh, and I can't call you anytime, I don't have your new number...silly rabbit)
Is MySpace one big slutfest? I'm glad I'm not on it. Too many undesirables.
have i mentioned that i hate myspace?
what is the point of those? do you think it's a couple of really homely girls using her picture? or a scam for a porn site?
i'm confused. all i know is myspace sucks. badly.
You should gather all of your hot new friends together and catch a game at Pink taco Stadium.
I bet not one of those girls has an apron with cupcake boobs.
In the future, everyone will have aprons with cupcake boobs.
And there'll be strippers at funerals.
MySpazz is an abomination! Teh internets were always a shitpile, but it nosedived further with this invention.
I am constantly amused by the creativity of spammers. Twats.
I wish I was as lucky as you Toddy! It looks like you have the bestest friends EVER!
tits,
I need all the hot friends I can get.
ian,
she is hot. And open to do amateur porn.
dawn,
she might have been visting Las Vegas, I don't know.
vast,
you didn't give the Nigerian general your personal information? I'm spending his twelve million dollars right now.
kat,
jeromy is gay. But don't tell Kate.
tlsd,
did I take a few liberties with the female party guests?
rachel,
my number is the same.
dena,
yes, it's a big undesirable slutfest.
kendra,
don't be confused. It's a porn site run by homely girls.
flounder,
how about a private box at Pink Taco?
ubie,
obviously not. They pale in comparison to you and your cupcake-titted kitchenware.
sysm,
there were strippers at Bob Crane's funeral. And, oddly enough, at John Kennedy Jr's.
steph,
I have myspace for shits and giggles, but the place to meet the cool chicks is here on blogger.
lone,
get drunk and sign up for "free porn", thus giving your email to everyone on earth.
little,
I do, and they'd really like me if I paid a monthly fee to watch them take showers.
writepro,
I'm like that one pimp, you know, the one who doesn't make money or get any ass.
... not just the female party guests...
I'm the only hot myspace friend you need (smirk).
when i clicked on the first link, it said the girl with the fake tits lived in the same town I do.
she gets around. whatta slut.
meanwhile, i really enjoyed reading the profiles of the triplets. i can't understand how these sex agencies can make such poignant attempts at humanism.
it's just overwhelming. if i did heroin, i would need some right now.
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