Sunday, August 13, 2006
Customers who annoy me (an incomplete list)
-Smelly people.

-People who act surprised that they actually have to pay for their purchase and spend fifteen minutes digging for exact change.

-Non-cootered-hat-wearin' K-Fed wannabe motherfuckers.

-This chick who comes in early every Monday morning who has a lip fungus.

-Check-writing wastes of air.

-Rude assholes who talk on the phone while checking out.

-Twenty-two-year-olds who bitch about being asked for ID.

-Thirty-nine-year-olds who bitch about not being asked for ID.

-People who take money out of their shoe.

-Old women in tube tops.

-This guy with a severe speech impediment who asks me long, involved questions and gets mad when I can't understand what he's saying.

-Anyone who complains to me, a lowly hourly employee, about store policies set by our owner, a wealthy miser.

-The old woman who smells like cat piss and human shit who talks to herself and makes me carry her ONE BOTTLE to her car, which smells like cat piss, gasoline, and human shit.

-Damn dirty hippies.

-Foreigners who don't know our monetary system and hand me a dollar at a time until I tell them to stop. (They're lucky I'm honest)

-Snowboarder types who REFUSE to believe that Fat Tire beer is unavailable in the state of Kentucky.

-Smokers who smell like Richard Pryor's hair after his freebase accident.

-The same smokers who ask for a carton of cigarettes and AFTER YOU RING THEM UP say "Oh, that's too expensive" and leave.

-People who hang around in line after the transaction is complete, looking through their purse or fumbling around in their pockets.

-Those "I'm my kid's best friend" parents who buy liquor for their barely teenage children.

-Everyone who tells me I'm tall, or asks "How tall are you?" with the obvious exception of hot chicks.

-Snotty bastards who don't acknowledge your presence.

-Homeless guys who hang out in our parking lot begging for change so they can come in and buy a half-pint of swill, drink it, and start begging for change again.

-The four frat guys who come in to get a keg of beer and ask for assistance getting it up on a flat cart.

-Milwaukee's Best-drinking mouthbreathers.

-Parents who buy a hundred dollars worth of booze and cigarettes when their children are wearing tattered, ill-fitting clothes.

-Old people who complain because the 3-liter jug of table wine went up a quarter in price.


Happy shopping!


29 Comments:

Blogger M said...

i used to be a 39 year old who would pull out my ID then look hurt when the kid behind the counter didn't want to see it..."what, I don't look like a 20 year old any more???"

but i just turned 40 so technically,i am no longer an annoying customer.

Blogger Brookelina said...

It's hot and I've been working hard all day, so I smell. I promise not to drive to Kentucky to smell up your store.

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

oh dear god that was funny.
I really don't miss the service industry

Blogger katarina said...

I check marked most of them. I understand. I really do.

Blogger Phain said...

whew...i'm not on that list!

Blogger Übermilf said...

I read this: "looking through their purse or fumbling around in their pockets"

as this: "looking through their pubes or fumbling around in their pockets"

So, that tells me things could be worse.

I hate being behind any of those people in the checkout line. This happens a lot where I live, because there is exactly one big all-purpose store (Wal Mart) within a 30-mile radius, so the place is always packed.

I'm not comparing this to your experience, though. I can flee as soon as I get through the line with my bag of Doritos, box of Hot Pockets, decorative seasonal wreath, can of spray paint, spool of fishing line, package of long-life light bulbs, outdoor electrical extension cord, pair of car speakers, bottle of Esther C, and mini refrigerator. Did I mention it was a Wal Mart?

If I had to work there (and that possibility is always tantalizingly close, given my financial situation), I'd be famous within about 3 days. That's how long it would take me to go postal (martal?) and kill every person fitting your long and highly descriptive list of annoying customers.

Blogger Rachel said...

So....how tall are you?


;)

Lip fungus!!! That's a good time as long as you don't let it get near your cock. Cock fungus is not a good time.

Blogger yournamehere said...

m,
some 39 year olds look younger than others. I always card good looking women in their thirties in a pathetic attempt to gain favor.

brooke,
there's "work hard and sniff your own pits and they sorta stink" smelly, and there's "someone can smell you from five feet away" smelly. I seriously doubt you've ever been the latter.

knitty,
I only write this blog to encourage the kids to stay in school. Really.

kat,
I know you understand.

le chat,
I didn't think you would be.

ubie,
way to see the glass as half full!

john,
I'm a slave of convenience. I worked almost right next to a Super Walmart in Las Vegas, so I was in there a few times a week. In Louisville, the closest Super Walmart is way out Westport Road and I refuse to go to the shitty non-grocery one on Hurstbourne Lane. As a result, I haven't been to a Wal-Mart since June. I think this may be why I'm happier.

rachel,
oh, you know you have a free pass, hottie.

andi,
I wouldn't think it would be.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Yeah, well, at least you're not a girl. Because then you'd have to add "boob-talkers" to your list.

Blogger little ol' me? said...

I can soooooo relate.....I've been in the service industry myself.

Imagine I'm a hot chick.............so how tall ARE you anyway?

I'm not 39 (yet) and I don't really expect to be ID'd, but when I am I don't know if I should be flattered or played.

Blogger MadMeer said...

Reading your blog always reminds me of how much I hate most people. Please take that as compliment.

Blogger AJ said...

I've been a magazine merchandiser off and on since I was fifteen (a long time, I assure you). Yes...I'm the one responsible for the National Enquirer, People, TV Guide...all reading material. I don't think my day can fully start until some a-hole asks me what do we do with all the old magazines. I don't even debate them anymore when they go on about what a shame it is that we don't donate them to charities (in other words, "can I meet you behind the store, and you give me a bunch of free mags?")

I just say that they're recycled and turned into cardboard boxes. That usually shuts them up.

Blogger tlsd said...

I just couldn't work in the service industry... we are just not compatible. I can't stand these people... Urgh.

My folks owned a deli shop in a tiny village in Cornwall for a while, I was forced under duress to ‘help them out’(= work for free) during holidays from college. The highlight of my day would be the pissed old drunk who would come in every day and get me to pour vodka into a small pop bottle so her husband didn’t know she was drinking (or find an empty bottle in trash). This woman could hardly walk she was so pissed. Her husband must have been totally fooled...

I know how tall you are… mmm… yummy

Blogger Egan said...

Phew, I don't make the list.

Blogger Flounder said...

Hey Tits, I'm sure that Todd is the boob talker!

Blogger da buttah said...

ohhhh lip fungus?

say it ain't so. SAY IT AIN'T SO!

Blogger Burr-ee-toe said...

Now I know why I never wanted to work in retail. Why must people be so stupid??? I went to Knott's Berry Farm (an amusement park) on Saturday and there was some weird Asian child trying to cuddle up against me. Why don't parents teach their kids about personal space???

Blogger treespotter said...

i'd like to see the list of people you like, and the ration of them both in your dailies.

Blogger JJ said...

I'm in there somewhere, not sure exactly. How much is that gallon of vodka in nickels again?

Blogger sonrisa morena said...

people who do not have their money ready when they are paying really pisses me off!!! damn people!!! you know you're going to buy something so have your fucken money ready!!!... you just brought back bad memories of when i used to at the convenient store in college!!!

Blogger Trix said...

Oh, honey. You make me laugh so hard that I tinkle.

Blogger scumbag said...

i hate people.

scumbag, that's because you're bitter over the inept pussitude of your KC Chiefs. Chiefs? Yeah, of Loserville.

Blogger yournamehere said...

tits,
I am a boob talker, but I'm so tall they can't really tell.

little,
I'm 6'6". Be flattered if you get ID'd.

madmeer,
I'm glad I can reaffirm your hatred.

aj,
someone always wants something for nothing.

tlsd,
it's against the law in the United States to pour vodka into a customer's pop bottle. We have laws here.

egan,
I didn't think you would.

flounder,
correctamundo!

buttah,
it's so so, babe.

burr,
he may have just been a horny midget. If I was a horny midget, I'd be all over you, pretending to be a cute child.

trespotter,
I'll do a list of people I like. It won't be that entertaining, though.

jj,
I'm sure you're the bane of liquor stores across Austin.

sonrisa,
I didn't mean to get you all riled up. Or did I?

trix,
that probably turned me on more than it should have.

scumbag,
short and to the point. I like that.

john,
are you not playing well with others?

Blogger Rachel said...

Did I ever tell you how HOT tall men are?

Blogger Princess LadyBug said...

Okay, I'm not a hot chick, but how tall are you? :P

Blogger J. D. Nelson said...

ur awesome

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