Friday, August 04, 2006
I'll buy her dinner, but...

I am now 1oo% convinced that internet dating is a fool's paradise.

Several months ago, when I still lived in Vegas, I created a profile on When I moved back home, I amended the profile to reflect my change of address.

Yesterday I received an "I'm interested" message from this woman. Her name is Jacklyn, and as you can see from her profile photo, she has been arrested for prostitution. She uses this as an apparent selling point.

Yes, today's profile pic is yesterday's mug shot. Her actual profile photo is just her head, but when you click "photos" this is what you get.

Okay, I'm curious. Is she a woman with a great sense of humor who's making this up; someone who is honest and willing to confess to her past mistakes; or is she a prostitute using to drum up some additional business? Another SLIGHT possibility is that she's the victim of a cruel practical joke, which is why I obscured her face and last name for this post.

I'm of the opinion that she's a whore, using our beloved internets as her cyberpimp. For example, she says she's looking for men aged 18-42. For an attractive 26-year-old, that's casting a rather large net. But if she's a cumpster, why stop at 42? Is she saying she won't fuck a 43-year-old with cash? What kind of a hooker is that? She's single-handedly setting back the art of strumpetry a hundred years.

Uh, if I go on a "date" with her, does anyone have five-hundred dollars I can borrow?


Blogger katarina said...

She's got to be a whore. Look at her nails.
Those are used for digging into your back during fake orgasms.

Ask her. If she is, she'll tell you or she won't get paid.

Blogger katarina said...

Wait, I just read the homepage of and they claim to do criminal backround checks.

Blogger Phain said...

the phrase "i wouldn't touch that with a 10 foot pole" springs to mind. now...if your willy was that long...nahhh - never mind ;)

Blogger The Lone Rangers said...

Her nails seem well kept and if she was busted whats with the "cardboard" hand written placard. Doesnt every police station have the ones with the punch out letters.

You could just laugh at her "joke" and see what happens. If she is joking thats a pretty fucking novel approach.

Blogger Nick said...

Never trust anyone wearing more than 2 rings.

Blogger yournamehere said...

are you saying she faked it with me? I'm crushed.
Kidding. is a sham. In many ways.

le chat,
a ten foot willy? No thanks.

I'm not interested in this chick.

I wish you'd have told me that before I signed a business contract with Don King.

Blogger Flounder said...

Every now and then say, "What the fuck." "What the fuck" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.

You see Todd, I'm looking out for your future here.

Just stay away from Guido the killer pimp.

Blogger JJ said...

Dude, there is no way that's a real mugshot. Either she's got a great sense of humor (one you should take advantage of) or someone is playing a mean joke on her (in which case you should still take advantage of her).

Blogger Cincysundevil said...

Why don't I ever meet nice girls like that?

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Umm. That's me. I'm Jacklyn.

I am so ashamed.

::hangs head, weeps::

Blogger miss kendra said...

tell her to get back in my stable and shut up already.

Blogger Trix said...

I'm with Katrina. The nails give it away. But I'm quite certain that they're not used for digging in to flesh...probably more like digging in to a pile of cocaine.


Blogger Egan said...

Is it bad that I instantly thought of Courtney Love when I saw this post?

Blogger sonrisa morena said...

that's freakin' scary!!! i've thought about joining those dating website thingies but i'm too just never know who's out there.

good luck mr. todd ;-)

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I don't know what to say.

Things like this make me wish I was Amish.

One word: condoms

Also, when I read what Sonrisa Morena wrote, was it wrong that I said the "mr todd" part like this: Meeeester Toad ??

I'd hate to be labeled Hispanophobic. Even I know they're not nearly as dirty a people as the filthy Jews. Just lazier.


Blogger sonrisa morena said...

john? is it? why you be hatin' dude?!?!...btw that's exactly how i wanted todd to read it :-)

Blogger Burr-ee-toe said...

hahaha... I'm speechless. I think I can contribute only $5 to your date fund with her. But even that seems a bit pricey for her.

Blogger yournamehere said...

I've said "What the fuck" way too much when it comes to ladies of questionable character.

no non-prostitute twenty-six-year-old has an age preference between eighteen and forty-two. SOmething is fishy.

c'mon, you live in Hotlanta. These girls are a dime a dozen.

even though she's holding that sign, I can still tell the boobs aren't big enough to be yours.

are you a she-pimp? Like I didn't already love you.

I'm not going to. I can't deal with crazy right now.

it's bad for the girl pictured.

make the six hour commute and go out with me! I'll buy dinner.

no computers for the Amish. Also, they wear wool and rarely bathe, so they smell like crotch.

leave Sonrisa alone. She's happens to be the internet stranger I love.

I appreciate the effort. I think you're a spicy little number.

it is too pricey. Save that five dollars and get a Starbucks.

Blogger Princess LadyBug said...

Um, what pic did you use in your profile? :P

Blogger katarina said...

God, I sure hope you're kidding.

Blogger tlsd said...


I'll give you $500 NOT to go on a date with the hooker!

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

That's a real mug shot. The Smoking Gun detailed this bust in a series of strip clubs. So many women were busted at once that they had to draw up makeshift placards. Some of these photos are really entertaining--one has a girl trying to hold hers up while keeping her cigarettes in her hand, and another is not-so-subtly holding up her middle finger. Another has a look as if to say, "Oh, now my dad will know that I'm not studying at night!"

It's possible that this woman put the picture up as a joke and it really isn't her. If it is, then that's even more interesting. Meeting her would at least give you new material.

Blogger Jessebel said...

Maybe it's a social experiment to see just how low people are willing to go on dating sites.

If she is joking, that is one awesome chick.

Was she pretty or did she look methly?

Blogger sonrisa morena said...

aaawwww, mr.Todd i think i may be falling for you too ;-) thanks for defending me :-)

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