I've spent the past day having my worst suspicions about the human race confirmed to me with extreme prejudice. It wasn't as much fun as I thought it would be.
I created a false myspace account of a superficially pretty, emotionally vapid young lady (see previous post for full details) and she was quite the popular gal with both the stupid young douchebag set and the older vulture-like exploiter set.
Why did a slightly anti-social middle-aged man with an already negative view of human nature set himself up for such a bitch-slap? I don't know....I had a day off work, okay?
Oh, the loathsome cast of characters my creation unearthed from the ooze. Two "gentlemen" wanted to "photograph" her, which is Vegas-speak for "rape repeatedly and leave for dead in the middle of the desert"; a rich European gadabout requested her for a long weekend of shopping and, I presume, flaccid-cock blowjobs; and several twentyish morons wanted to "kick it with her". *SIGH*
My favorite, and by "favorite" I mean "person I hated the most", was Jimmy, a twenty-one-year-old Vegas resident who described himself as a "Cool Motha Fucka". Really. No shit. Without a trace of irony.
Jimmy wore a backwards hat tilted oh-so-slightly askew, flashed a gang sign, and had a look of entitlement and self-satisfaction on his insipid face that made me want to punch him in his mancunt. He messaged "Kelli", and the correspondence went as follows (the lack of grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, etc. are all his):
JIMMY: "whats goin on with you, i tryin to meet some new peoples to kick it with out here i have been here for bout 1 year from georgia, and like ur self i like to get my drink on. where do you usually go to chill out"
KELLI: "Yeah, I usually go to Jet on Mondays, Pure on Tuesdays, Cherry on Fridays, Tryst on Saturdays. You'll have to take off your hat to get in those places."
JIMMY: "we should hit up one of ur spots sometime if you want i think a couple of my friends are goin to the local joint tonight at sierra gold on jones and 215 if you wanna go more than welcome"
What a complete TOOL. "She" insulted him and it went right over his K-Fed head. And really, even if she was a cool person, she wouldn't be caught dead at the fucking Sierra Gold on Jones and the 215.
If you haven't seen her profile yet, it's too late. I deleted it. The messages from Jimmy and his ilk were starting to get on my nerves.
But who knows...I think Kelli needs to start a blog.
I created a false myspace account of a superficially pretty, emotionally vapid young lady (see previous post for full details) and she was quite the popular gal with both the stupid young douchebag set and the older vulture-like exploiter set.
Why did a slightly anti-social middle-aged man with an already negative view of human nature set himself up for such a bitch-slap? I don't know....I had a day off work, okay?
Oh, the loathsome cast of characters my creation unearthed from the ooze. Two "gentlemen" wanted to "photograph" her, which is Vegas-speak for "rape repeatedly and leave for dead in the middle of the desert"; a rich European gadabout requested her for a long weekend of shopping and, I presume, flaccid-cock blowjobs; and several twentyish morons wanted to "kick it with her". *SIGH*
My favorite, and by "favorite" I mean "person I hated the most", was Jimmy, a twenty-one-year-old Vegas resident who described himself as a "Cool Motha Fucka". Really. No shit. Without a trace of irony.
Jimmy wore a backwards hat tilted oh-so-slightly askew, flashed a gang sign, and had a look of entitlement and self-satisfaction on his insipid face that made me want to punch him in his mancunt. He messaged "Kelli", and the correspondence went as follows (the lack of grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, etc. are all his):
JIMMY: "whats goin on with you, i tryin to meet some new peoples to kick it with out here i have been here for bout 1 year from georgia, and like ur self i like to get my drink on. where do you usually go to chill out"
KELLI: "Yeah, I usually go to Jet on Mondays, Pure on Tuesdays, Cherry on Fridays, Tryst on Saturdays. You'll have to take off your hat to get in those places."
JIMMY: "we should hit up one of ur spots sometime if you want i think a couple of my friends are goin to the local joint tonight at sierra gold on jones and 215 if you wanna go more than welcome"
What a complete TOOL. "She" insulted him and it went right over his K-Fed head. And really, even if she was a cool person, she wouldn't be caught dead at the fucking Sierra Gold on Jones and the 215.
If you haven't seen her profile yet, it's too late. I deleted it. The messages from Jimmy and his ilk were starting to get on my nerves.
But who knows...I think Kelli needs to start a blog.
25 Comments:
I think the kelli blog would be hilarious!
Sadly, no surprise as to the responses you got on myspace. People truly are shallow. Maybe if we're lucky, a big wave will come to shore and sweep them all out to sea.
Damn. And just as I was about message Kelli about some recreational lesbianism. Oh well.
if you create a blog for kelli - lemme know so i can add her to my blog roll.... buaaaaahhhhahahahaha!
again, no real surprise was it? but a blog would be fantastic. let me know
Ican't wait to read it.
You could probably just use my blog as Kelli's, we seem like the same person.
Todd, I have 10 lbs. of blueberries I need to use up. Would a pie make you feel better?
Mmm...pie.
vast,
he should be executed live in front of the MGM Grand.
mo,
that would be hilarious if they all drowned.
mshellion,
you would have hated yourself in the morning.
poppywill,
I hate the playa AND the game.
le chat,
I'll let you know.
3.14,
I was a little surprised, I suppose.
kat,
it will probably only last one post.
mona,
you are much nicer than Kelli. And smarter.
ubie,
a pie would make me feel much better. ANd much fatter. Yea pie!
tits,
truer words were never spoken.
OMG!! That's hilarious! TOo bad you deleted it! I wanted to read the profile.
And I think you should def start the kelli blog.
If your not goin to use it for you're my speace anymore, I want my picture back.
Maybe Jimmy is someoen's alterego, too.
ps I cannt speel
HA HA HA....The whole thing is cruel, rediculious, and just the sorta thing I wanna read about. Well done!
did you get my e-mail?
aawww, poor kellie is dead? i'm actually kind of sad for her :-(
I vote for a kelli blog....can I be her shallow friend??
Ok, next up you need to create a supermodel/rocket scientist who can completely abuse all these halfwits as they try to get in her pants.
There are more than a few of those on myspace. I always wondered though what you would get if you used that type of pic with a Harvard Alumni/ Quantum Physics background.....
Something along the lines of Roofy the hood...
"Hey i was just wonderin if u wanted to kick it...ummm what u mean by extended academic degree?? U talkin GED 'cause then we good ta go..."
Kelli totally needs a blog man. It could be a collaborative effort.
I'm somewhat confused.
An experiment needed to be conducted in order to arrive at the conclusion that people suck?
Fascinating.
I vote for the Kelli blog!
cherry,
I couldn't deal with it anymore.
violet,
oh, I'll still be using the picture, if you know what I mean.
spinning girl,
I'm afraid Jimmy is all too real.
pinkpanther,
thank you.
ubie,
I got your email, and have assumed control of your blog.
sonrisa,
she's not dead. She lives in the heart of every shallow, vapid chick on earth.
tumbleweed,
we can all be Kelli's shallow friend.
brooke,
that sounds like fun, but I'm myspaced out.
lone,
so you're seen myspace, huh?
egan,
I barely keep up with my own blog, but we'll see.
breastless,
Carrabba's? Is this Mike?
steve,
so, are you guys coming to Lebowski Fest?
little ol',
everyone is voting for the Kelli blog.
all i have to say is HAHAHAHAHAH.
You deleted the profile? I followed this from Steph's site, and I'm too late to see the douchebaggy goodness?
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