Here is a partial list of what some of our customers smell like.
-a cage full of dead rats.
-Rose O'Donnell's girdle.
-the business end of a glory hole.
-vodka strained through Mike Tyson's jock strap.
-rotten eggs hard boiled and shoved up the ass of a flatulent gypsy.
-a reusable douche that's been washed out by Martian piss and filled with gorgonzola cheese.
-the set of a beastiality film.
-wet cardboard.
-a skunk on fire.
-the portal to the very gates of Hell.
-the contents of a dirty ashtray emptied into a colostomy bag.
-an old condom stuck in Courtney Love's hair.
-Wilford Brimley's ballbag.
-the dumpster outside an abortion clinic.
-a cage full of dead rats.
-Rose O'Donnell's girdle.
-the business end of a glory hole.
-vodka strained through Mike Tyson's jock strap.
-rotten eggs hard boiled and shoved up the ass of a flatulent gypsy.
-a reusable douche that's been washed out by Martian piss and filled with gorgonzola cheese.
-the set of a beastiality film.
-wet cardboard.
-a skunk on fire.
-the portal to the very gates of Hell.
-the contents of a dirty ashtray emptied into a colostomy bag.
-an old condom stuck in Courtney Love's hair.
-Wilford Brimley's ballbag.
-the dumpster outside an abortion clinic.
18 Comments:
My mom and sister are currently on Nutri-System. I will save them money by showing them this post. Yummy!
oh dear god, reusable douche.
so wrong.
You are pure evil genius.
You need to find a new job soon.
I think I'm gonna hurl.
Blegh! Too...early...in morning. Too funny. You need to wear one of those paper-masky things soaked in sorority girl perfume to work. That'll keep you happy.
hmmm? makes me wonder how YOU would know HOW these would smell?
vast,
I'm pretty sure said woman and her Hellmouth twat are the reason that entire Baxter Avenue corridor (including, believe it or not, Jillian's) is now closed.
ian,
I ate pizza while writing this post.
knitty,
old people called it a "hot water bottle".
kat,
people smell everywhere.
flounder,
aim away from the computer screen.
violet,
although I think a lot of sorority girls are vapid, they do smell all nice and purty.
sonrisa,
you can't think about this blog too much.
My two favorite (not) smells to encounter are something akin to a stink bomb in a slaughter house, and that of a grease fire in Bangkok.
These are people smells I'm talking about, not industrial accidents.
What does eau de Todd smell like, I wonder?
Most of those people shared my bus journey to work this morning....
so. gross.
I was always under the assumntion that burning skunks were an aquired taste.
eeewwwwwww...............i'll send you some nose plugs, ok?
Wilford Brimley's ballbag
Dude, you have a gift. Now eat yer fuckin' Quaker Oats, or I'll send Mr. Brimley over. And you do not want that to happen.
Do you use Herbal Essence on your feathered mullet?
I think you and I should have a little get-together over at Übie's then.
speaking of skanky customers...
have you ever had a customer who had cockroaches crawl out of her blouse?
i worked at a library where this happened. the woman was banned until she had paperwork from the board of health saying her home was free of cockroaches.
of course when she came back, no one wanted to touch her materials. ( i mean the books and cds she checked out of the library!!)
abortion smells like the dew of a blooming flower. trust me.
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