Wednesday, August 16, 2006
So Many Smells...
Here is a partial list of what some of our customers smell like.

-a cage full of dead rats.

-Rose O'Donnell's girdle.

-the business end of a glory hole.

-vodka strained through Mike Tyson's jock strap.

-rotten eggs hard boiled and shoved up the ass of a flatulent gypsy.

-a reusable douche that's been washed out by Martian piss and filled with gorgonzola cheese.

-the set of a beastiality film.

-wet cardboard.

-a skunk on fire.

-the portal to the very gates of Hell.

-the contents of a dirty ashtray emptied into a colostomy bag.

-an old condom stuck in Courtney Love's hair.

-Wilford Brimley's ballbag.

-the dumpster outside an abortion clinic.


Have you run across that chick from the night club who's nether regions were emitting a green mist of funk so foul that it would roll a dog off a gut wagon? To this day I still have night terrors about that smell..........

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

My mom and sister are currently on Nutri-System. I will save them money by showing them this post. Yummy!

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

oh dear god, reusable douche.
so wrong.

Blogger katarina said...

You are pure evil genius.

You need to find a new job soon.

Blogger Flounder said...

I think I'm gonna hurl.

Blogger Violet said...

Blegh! morning. Too funny. You need to wear one of those paper-masky things soaked in sorority girl perfume to work. That'll keep you happy.

Blogger sonrisa morena said...

hmmm? makes me wonder how YOU would know HOW these would smell?

Blogger yournamehere said...

I'm pretty sure said woman and her Hellmouth twat are the reason that entire Baxter Avenue corridor (including, believe it or not, Jillian's) is now closed.

I ate pizza while writing this post.

old people called it a "hot water bottle".

people smell everywhere.

aim away from the computer screen.

although I think a lot of sorority girls are vapid, they do smell all nice and purty.

you can't think about this blog too much.

Blogger MsHellion said...

My two favorite (not) smells to encounter are something akin to a stink bomb in a slaughter house, and that of a grease fire in Bangkok.

These are people smells I'm talking about, not industrial accidents.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

I'm hungry.

Blogger Übermilf said...

What does eau de Todd smell like, I wonder?

Blogger tlsd said...

Most of those people shared my bus journey to work this morning....

Blogger yournamehere said...

some people are industrial accidents.

I'm horny. Nice to meet you.

I smell like a combination of desperation and failure. Oh, and Clinique's Happy for Men.

smelly Europeans? Say it ain't so!

Funny you should mention dead rats. There's a guy that comes in to be tutored that I refer to as "belly full of dead mice." Because that's what his breath smells like wafting toward my face. But, recently he's been promoted to belly full of dead rats. They're growing.

Blogger Cold Hands said...

so. gross.

I was always under the assumntion that burning skunks were an aquired taste.

Blogger little ol' me? said...

eeewwwwwww...............i'll send you some nose plugs, ok?

Wilford Brimley's ballbag

Dude, you have a gift. Now eat yer fuckin' Quaker Oats, or I'll send Mr. Brimley over. And you do not want that to happen.

Blogger Übermilf said...

Do you use Herbal Essence on your feathered mullet?

Blogger Dawn said...

Don't you have any Lysol Mini's under the counter that you could hand out? Or maybe just spritz the air right before they come up to the counter? I'm just grossed out. I don't even know how you handle working there.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

I think you and I should have a little get-together over at Übie's then.

Blogger M said...

speaking of skanky customers...

have you ever had a customer who had cockroaches crawl out of her blouse?

i worked at a library where this happened. the woman was banned until she had paperwork from the board of health saying her home was free of cockroaches.

of course when she came back, no one wanted to touch her materials. ( i mean the books and cds she checked out of the library!!)

I'll bet your right! The smell coming from her koont actually ruined lives!

Blogger n.v. said...

abortion smells like the dew of a blooming flower. trust me.

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