Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Borat: Not for everyone

On Monday afternoon I saw the Borat movie. I like a Monday matinee because it's cheaper and the theatre is mercifully free of douchebag teenagers having loud cell phone conversations and finger-banging one another in the aisles.

There weren't a lot of people in the theatre, so I took notice of a trio of moviegoers who came in right before the previews started. They were a couple in their sixties and a woman I'm going to assume was the mother of one of them.

Why oh why did they choose an R-rated comedy as their movie of choice? These people should have been at a bingo hall or a shuffleboard tournament, not watching a man brag that his sister was "the number four prostitute in all of Kazakhstan."

After about fifteen minutes of sitting in stunned silence as Borat expressed his love of rape and his hatred of Jews, the three of them got up and left. Of course, they walked so slowly they were exposed to about twenty additional minutes of the film, but they eventually escaped to most likely yell at an employee in that insufferable old person way.

I'd like to think they were there because a prankster recommended the film. "Yeah, take Nana to see Borat. I think Matlock and the Diagnosis, Murder dude are in it. And then go get some Thai food. It's nice and bland, just the way she likes it."

Hey, I'll admit I'm too old for a lot of movies. I'm too old to see any film which features the following:

a group of teenagers "serving" another group of teenagers.

-a subculture based on driving like a complete ass.

-a small town girl who moves to the big city because, damn it, she needs to DANCE.

-the senseless (and plotless) torture of other human beings for the sick amusement of stupid people.

-a starring role from Lindsay Lohan, Hillary Duff, or Lindsay Lohan. Sorry, she's so awful I had to mention her twice.

-a young couple from different backgrounds/races/socio-economic groups try to keep their love together in the face of overwhelming resentment from family and friends.

There are others, but that's enough for now.


Blogger Brookelina said...

I went to see Something's Gotta Give with my mother. At a matinee. In Boca.

Nuff said? No?

Then let add that the three little old antiques sitting behind us giggle and twittered like schoolgirls everytime the star of the movie came on the screen. Oh no. Not Jack Nicholson. Keanu Reeves.

And I guess that answers your "How does he keep getting work?" question.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I saw it Saturday night and cried a little. The elderly couple in front of us left just after the nekkid man scene. I'm surprised they made it that far.

Where in the HELL was I when teenagers were fingerbanging each other in the aisles? I missed out on everything when I was younger.

Blogger Rachel said...

Saw it and laughed until I cried.

Normally I'm not the offensive, ridiculous humor kind of girl but I heart Borat...

and you!

As per our conversation last night, this movie was f'ing hilarious.

Finger banging? I saw two people having full fledged sex in the back row of a movie theater on Eastern Ave. a couple of years ago. They were in the back row, literally 5 or 6 seats from a couple of old ladies, and the guy had this chicks feet pinned to the back wall and was plowing away. I'm sure her parents are proud.....

Blogger Melissa said...

I hope there's a circle of hell for the asshats who talk on their cell phones in movie theatres. The only time I was blessed enough to have the experience, I told the kid he wasn't going to like where I shoved the phone if he didn't say goodbye five minutes ago.
It sounds like a great story but really, it would have been so much fiercer if I hadn't had Sour Patch Kids stuck in all my molars at the time.

Blogger Shannon said...

I actually couldn't breathe during the naked fight. I've never laughed so hard I lost my breath.

I'm dying of curiosity- I would've had to follow the old people to find out why they ever walked into that theater.

Blogger sonrisa morena said...

my 42 year old went to see this movie and he found it offensive..."and you think you're cool?" was my reaction when he told that!!!

Blogger MLE said...

My very catholic 80-year-old grandmother and her very catholic 76-year-old sister once went to see a movie recommended by the son of my great-aunt (that would make him what, my second cousin? or something). Anyhow, he thought it would be funny to tell them to see "There's Something About Mary" and it took them about 20 minutes before they left the theater in disgust, not realizing that the movie wasn't supposed to be about THAT Mary, you know, JC's mom.

Blogger miss kendra said...

old people should be made to stay home with the babies and the ugly ones.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

In high school, there was a girl who's nickname was Yentl because her boyfriend performed oral sex on her in the back row during the movie.

Blogger yournamehere said...

isn't Boca the cranky old person capital of the world?

you arrived late and couldn't get an aisle seat, I suppose.

if you love me, you love offensive and ridiculous.

I remember that. That's why I never went to that theatre, even when I lived off of Eastern. I'd drive to Sunset Station if I had to, just to avoid that place. And you know how much I loathe driving, so that's saying something.

your feisty nature is hot.

they weren't going to outrun you, that's for sure.

we are made for each other.

that's great! Did they leave before the Emaculate Hair Gel scene?

no, not fair. I'm an ugly one and I don't want to sit at home with old people and babies.

now THERE'S a reason for a guy to shit through Yentil.
Last year on a date I had to sit through Monster-in-Law and all I got was a little making out AFTER the movie.

Blogger katie schwartz said...

oh god, you are SO FUNNY!!! I miss you!

Save the Last Dance is for everyone.

Blogger Egan said...

I don't know much about any of Sasha's characters, but this movie intrigues me. My buddy gave me a crash course over the weekend on his ability to coerce the masses. He was damn funny in Talledega Nights.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

I think I had something to say about fingerbanging in the movie theater, but I'm too busy now laughing over Kendra's comment.

Blogger Nick said...

He said "shit through Yentil".

Blogger Phain said...

so I'm guessing I probably shouldn't take my 8 year old to see Borat? sheesh

Blogger Monkey said...

"Papa can you hear me??"

Oh my. I just swallowed my uvula.

Blogger Sysm said...

"Something's Gotta Give" was even worse than Dirdctor Nancy Meyer's previous film, "What Women Want."

I wanted to carve out my eyeballs with a spork.

And yes, you're too old for "Romeo & Juliet".

Blogger JJ said...

An entire family, mother and father and three little kids, came in and sat down in front of me in a movie once. That would normally bother me, but the movie was Bordello of Blood. They left ten minutes into the film and to be honest watching their horrified reactions was more entertaining than the movie.

But, really, what about the title wasn't clear? It wasn't Bambi's Bordello of Blood. Or Tampex Hotel. Right? Two words, neither of them family friendly, and a conjunction.

Blogger ETaylor said...

I was expecting you to comment on the movie and you didnt. I am disappointed I think I am the only person in the world who DID NOT find the nakes wrestling scene funny, the rest of the movie was hilarious, but for that scene....I had to close my eyes.

Blogger Dawn said...

I'm dragging my husband with me to see Borat this weekend. I wanted to see it since I saw the trailer to it a few months ago.

When we went to see "Y tu mama tambien" a couple of years ago, there were a group of elderly people in front of us. Anyway, as soon as a sex scene happened (within the first 10 minutes) the whole group left. I do tend to get upset about that because it's like c'mon, it's just sex and it's part of this movie, it's not done in bad taste.... and it's not like you have never had sex before. Gimme a break. I still want to rant but I'll save you from it. ;)

Blogger sonrisa morena said...

of course we are!!! the wedding is still on, right?

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I went to see Flyboys starring that delicious young brooding hung, er hunk James Franco.

I figured WWI pilots, dogfights, etc. excitement galore.

ech, it was more like a 2hr long Ralph Lauren cologne commercial with the leading man wooing the french girll....
zzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz yawn.
No one walked out, they were all asleep.

Blogger Anthony said...

If anyone was to beat me to noticing "shit through Yentil" I'm glad it was Nick.

Also, "of" is a preposition, not a conjunction.

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