Friday, November 10, 2006
Oops, she's available again...

Britney Spears made the best decision of her life the other day; at least the best decision since she chose to wear a Catholic school girl outfit in the "...Baby One More Time" video. She decided to dump KFed and get back to the business of making really shitty music. Good for her!

While performing in Chicago last night, Kevin Federline reportedly said "You know I'm a free man, right, ladies? You wanna dance with a pimp?" I call upon all real pimps to kill him immediately.

On second thought, he's a talentless douchebag who spends the money of a worthless whore, so maybe he is a pimp after all.

Anyone who attends a Kevin Federline concert should have their intestines sucked out of their rectum with an industrial strength vaccum. He probably impregnated every female in the first three rows just by leering at them insipidly. And any woman who actually has sex with him should have her vagina sewn shut.

Okay, I'll make an exception for Britney. Her camel toe in this picture is hypnotizing me. I want to do its bidding. I want to build statues in its honor. I want to sacrifice virgins in its name and kill the fatted calf upon its return.

This decision can only help Britney's career. It kind of brings a person down to be married to the most useless human being in recorded history. For Federline, the gravy train just left the station. I wonder what demand there is for a wannabe ganster with delusions of grandeur?

Maybe I can make an introduction that will help him in his new career:

"KFed, glory hole; glory hole, KFed."


21 Comments:

I want to hang that wonderful camel toe in my hallway for the holidays.

Blogger katarina said...

The camel toe was the first thing I noticed.
I don't kow Todd, this is the second whore he got, so apparently there's quite a demand for his kind.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think having your intestines sucked from your rectum would be a nice alternative to actually going to a Federline "concert"

Here in Chicago, they were giving those tickets away, hand over fist.

I suspect they may have lured the homeless inside to fill seats and locked the door behind them.

Blogger miss kendra said...

i do recall that video (where this photo came from) and while the outfit WAS tight, i think this image is enhanced.

and i don't think she's a worthless whore.. i think she's a confused twentysomething girl who married her Boy instead of just living with him for a year too long.

what i'm saying is, she should come over for pie.

Don't forget, that was the camel toe prior to popping out two pant shitters. It now most likely looks like Yogi Berra's worn out catchers mitt....

Blogger Nick said...

I can't think of anything I care about less than this.

Blogger JJ said...

The customer reviews of his album on Amazon make for great reading. One actually demanded Amazon let them give zero stars.

Somehow, I don't believe this is the end of Brtny's bad decision making.

Blogger Egan said...

...she is apparently that innocent. Oh baby baby.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I'm with Nick on this one.

Blogger Mark said...

I guess she wasn't down with the Popazoa. You have to admit that the red slut suit is pretty hot.

Blogger Trix said...

Can we please stop calling him KFed now and just label him FedEx?

There's this one Brit spears video where she's framed by the crotches and midsections of her background dancers as she sings a ballad and one picks her crotch. My sister and I always wait like kittens for yarn when it's on. LOOK LOOK, SHE'S PICKING HER SNATCH!

Am I the only one who thinks she looks mildly disabled in that photo? She's looking really beautiful recently, though.

Blogger Monkey said...

Good Lord! I'm starting to think like you too. Like Katarina, I noticed the camel toe right away and my forehead went numb.

Until I read this post, I didn't realize that people actually went to K-Fed concerts. I live in such a bubble of innocence.

Blogger little ol' me? said...

I. Don't. Fucking. Care.

Sorry Toddy, but I really don't.

Blogger yournamehere said...

mike,
it can be a second archway.

kat,
women love douchebags. If you don't believe me, go out in public and look around.

tracy,
I heard they "papered the room" so he wasn't playing to three people.

kendra,
"worthless whore" was just a term I used so I could make my cheap pimp joke. Would I do it again? You betcha.

vast,
way to put things in perspective.

nick,
then you aren't thinking hard enough.

jj,
don't you have to listen to it to review it? Those people are no better than him for wasting fifty minutes of their lives.

egan,
The Good Ship Innocence sailed away from Britney many moons ago.

brooke,
well, thanks for piling on. Come on over and kick me while I'm down.

mark,
yes, it is.

trix,
that works on a couple of different levels. Thanks.

monkey mc,
my friends and I used to watch Caddyshack for the scene when Danny Noonan is in bed with his annoying girlfriend. She's barefoot, and the bottoms of her feet are filthy. Really, they are jet black with dirt. Hilarious.

monkey,
stay in the bubble. It's better there.

little ol',
that hurts.

Blogger Ms Smack said...

I dont care about him, but I am stoked for her. She's just a young girl who made a mistake, and I'm happy to see her kick his ass to the divorce courts. I read somewhere they have a solid pre-nupitial agreement too.

This is a poster case for girls everywhere to learn from it even if its not happening in your own backyard.

Blogger Sindy said...

do it's bidding. that's really all a girl needs. right?

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I like FedEx

Blogger Steph said...

I can't wait for him to spill his guts to the tabloids.
Comedy GOLD.

Vast... maybe some linseed oil or murphys soap will help restore that 2 toed sloth crotch.. and who has better delivery service?.. DHL, UPS or KFed? Just curious

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Me, I'm waiting for the sex tape.

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