When I was a teenager, I remember going to Chicago one summer. We went to a gift shop near Wrigley Field to buy some useless trinkets and assorted touristy crap. The old man who owned the place was a complete grind; he followed everyone around and shot dirty looks if you stayed in one place for too long. If a patron picked something up he'd say "Hey, are you going to buy that? Staring at it doesn't pay my bills." I remember at the time thinking he was a total dickface.
However, after years of working retail, I've reconsidered my position. I think that store owner had the right idea. Sure, he went too far by being rude, but I'm willing to bet he wasn't that bad as a young man; that his heart was hardened by years of relying on the American public for his livelihood. Gandhi would have been an asshole after a few decades of dealing with customers.
What made him right was his unwillingness to take any shit from people. Oh, I wish I had the power to throw people out of a retail establishment. If any of those fuckers even LOOKED at me funny, they'd be out on their ass.
Today at work, someone dropped a bottle of red wine. While we were mopping it up, an old lady rolled her shopping cart right through it. "Oh, did someone spill some wine?" she asked while her feet were in a puddle of mop water. She was too lazy to walk around the spill.
The old store owner would have screamed "Get the fuck out of my store, you stupid bitch!!" And that's the way it should be!!! I'm tired of "The customer is always right." WRONG. Sometimes the customer is a thoughtless pouch of fuck run-off who should be tossed out on the streets. Why should human garbage be treated the same as good, decent people?
If I owned a business, any business, there would be ground rules:
-No checks. If you even attempt to write a check...get the fuck out!
-No body odor. If you smell like a wombat's vagina...get the fuck out!
-No insulting my workers. If your name's not Don Rickles, and you insult my people...get the fuck out!
-No haggling over the price. This isn't a swap meet. Pay the set price or...get the fuck out!
-Do not say you can get a product cheaper at a competing store that's twenty miles away. Get the fuck out and drive through rush hour traffic to save fifty cents. I don't care.
These rules are just a start, of course. Customers are always finding new and different ways to annoy me.