Wednesday, November 15, 2006
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!
This is officially the most disturbing thing I've ever heard. According to published reports, O.J. Simpson has written a book entitled If I Did It, in which he describes, "hypothetically", the brutal murder of his ex-wife and Ron Goldman. People who've read excerpts say the descriptions of the murders are unusually gruesome and detailed, as if they were written by, say, the person who actually committed the murders. And here's the punchline: He was paid $3.5 million dollars to write this book.

He also plans to discuss the book and his "hypothetical" descriptions of the murders on a two-night special to be aired on FOX.

This is the motherfucking end of civilization as we know it! This piece of unspeakable filth is being paid more than most people will see in two lifetimes to basically confess to almost chopping a woman's head off. It isn't enough that he got away with killing two people and spends most of his miserable life on a golf course (no doubt still looking for the real killers). Now he's being rewarded for it.

What have we become as a society? I give up. I officially turn my back on civilization. I'm going to disappear into the forest and try to live on berries and edible flowers. I'll either lose a lot of weight or get fatally mauled by a bear. Either way, I won't have to deal with this O.J. Simpson fiasco.

Hey, since nothing is sacred and behavior which was once punishable by death is now richly rewarded, can we look forward to these confessional books?

-Yeah, I Raped the Bitch by Kobe Bryant

-How to Tap that Young Ass by Michael Jackson

Hey, why not? Let's give people money to act like savages. Didn't Robert Blake get away with shooting his wife in the head? Where's his big payday? Granted, a bullet to the melon isn't going to sell as many books as turning someone into a human pez dispenser, so how about a cool $2 million? If you need me, I'll be living in a hollow tree making cookies with the Keebler Elves.


35 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I couldn't have said it better myself.

In one article someone said "there aren't pants large enough to hold this guys balls."

Indeed.

We are in complete agreement on this bro. I was fucking outraged by this crap. This bastard has kids who are going to have to deal with reading how their scum bag father killed their mom! People who are convicted for tax evasion in this country are demonized more than people who commit double homicides. I think I'll be joining you in the forest........

And not a dime will go to the payoff of the civil suit he "lost". Some one should kidnap this prick, shoot him with truth syrum and video him telling the world he did it.. then slice his nuts off and feed them to him ! I bet pay-per-view would get $99 to let us view that! I'de buy it!

Blogger Brookelina said...

And shocker of all shockers...FOX is broadcasting it! Oh don't even get me started.

Blogger Regal said...

he must need $$$ and the network is sick enough to help him

Blogger Monkey said...

I just vomitted on my shoes. Vast Right Wing Conspirator brings up the saddest part of all. My heart goes out to those kids.

Is there enough room for all of us in that Keebler Tree?

Blogger Melissa said...

I don't even have a smart-assed comment for this one. Can I come join you and the others in the Keebler elf tree?

Blogger Phain said...

can't believe i'm actually speechless by this one...

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let us not overlook this classy bit of work by Mr. Simpson...
www.getjuiced.com or
http://xegdvd.com/product_details.php?id=1076

Blogger Mister Mxyzptlk said...

This is a great example of business synergy. Fox owned by Newscorp/Rupert Murdoch. And guess who's publishing the book? Harper Collins, owned by Newscorp/Rupert Murdoch. Ruppie should choke on his vomit (or mine in this case) and die.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Yeah. I can't even blog about this because I find it so fucking upsetting.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

See, this is why people used to form angry mobs with pitchforks.

Blogger sonrisa morena said...

BASTARD comes to mind when i see him!! BASTARD!!

i'll be right next to you making cookies with the elves!!!

Blogger Dawn said...

Thank you for putting into words what I was thinking yesterday when I saw him and his book mentioned on yahoo yesterday.

It sickens me. And YES, here in America you can get away with murder if you have the money.

Blogger Flounder said...

human pez dispenser

I'm quite sure you'll be seeing OJ in hell for that comment.

BTW - Didn't Hillary write a book called If I Did Have Vince Foster Whacked?

Blogger Flounder said...

Also, he could have called the book When I Did It and there isn't a damn thing that the legal system could do about it because he was found not guilty in his trial.

Blogger MsHellion said...

I live in a world where Martin Luther King is shot, but this fuck runs around unscathed.

The world is evil.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

How can O.J. make any money off this book? From what I understand, the only money he can keep for any reason is his NFL pension, which is untouchable only if he lives in Florida. The civil suit is also the reason he can't technically own any taxable property such as cars, houses, etc.

On the other hand, I can't see him doing this for the Goldmans, either. So what's going on?

Blogger miss kendra said...

um, i really like cookies so i can't say i object to your living situation, but OJ for sure makes me sick.

Blogger Mark said...

I read that on CNN.com and was torn between being horrified and wanting to watch it out of sheer and utter curious disgust.

Blogger Egan said...

I'm going to write a book on how to blog stalk. Maybe the CW will pick it up and make a miniseries out of it. I want Screech to play me.

Blogger Egan said...

Seriously though, what the fuck is he thinking? I'm glad he respects his kids and the Goldmans.

Blogger SeaRabbit said...

You are right... we are at the end of our civilisation... and it is for the best... I think... How could it get worst??? Killers and psychopaths are heros... and heros are unknown... or on the tv screen... pathetic... and for sure, many, many are gonna buy this book...

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

I fucking hate that lying, murdering son of a bitch.

Blogger Rachel said...

I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Bravo Toddikins, take me with you.

Blogger WunEyedDog said...

When society rewards a fuckward like this it's definitely time for a revolution. Or at least go all Daoist and move the forest. I'll be two trees over.

Why cant we just hire a sniper to take him out while he is teeing off on the golf course. 1000 yards away, one shot one kill, and when his shit for brains are splattered allover the nice green grass, the police can "mishandle" the evidence and make sure that his killer is never found. I dont mean to sound like a psycho but I think he needs to have justice served in the most cruel and swiftest manner.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Too bad I didn't get to have children before the end of the world.

Blogger Flounder said...

I keep coming to your blog and scrolling down to see Britney's camel toe.

Is that wrong?

Blogger Alison said...

You're right. It is the motherfucking end of civilization.

Found your blog via a comment by Trixie on this post. I'll be back, though, because I like what I've read.

Blogger katarina said...

You could join the Play Station community. Then you won't have to deal with the real world in any way.

Blogger yournamehere said...

tracy,
he has to buy his pants larger in the ball area.

vast,
you should just go ahead and live in your fabulous new home.

mike,
apparently these fly-by-night companies pay him under the table so he doesn't have to give Fred Goldman any money.

brooke,
they show Family Guy, though.

regal,
he'll always need money.

monkey,
there's always room in the tree for a monkey.

melissa,
there's always room in the tree for a good looking lady.

phain,
there's always room in the tree for a quiet girl with a sexy neck.

tracy,
he's one class act.

mister m,
he should choke on your vomit. Yeah.

tits,
I don't like to see you upset. I'd like to see you topless, however.

ubie,
that needs to happen. A mob needs to chase OJ down the streets.

sonrisa,
I'm going to touch your butt and blame the Elves.

dawn,
money talks, loudly.

flounder,
let it go, man.

flounder,
yep. Double jeopardy.

Blogger yournamehere said...

ms hellion,
I can't believe someone hasn't killed this twat.

ian,
first of all, Florida needs to repeal that law just to punish OJ.
I read that he plans to "spend the money before the Goldmans can get to it." Huh? I hear the Goldmans are going to fight it.

kendra,
I'm also going to touch you inappropriately and blame the elves.

mark,
I refuse to watch.

egan,
Screetch? Don't do that to yourself?

egan,
he said he doesn't understand why Fred Goldman won't leave him alone.
Uh, you killed his son?

searabbit,
I hope they don't. I hope the publisher takes a bath on this one. But it won't happen.

spinning girl,
me too.

rachel,
I'd take you anywhere.

wuneye,
we need some vigilante justice.

mike,
I'm not even for the death penalty and I think someone should take him out.

pants,
you would have made a fantastic mother.

flounder,
if that's wrong, I don't wanna be right.

alison,
thanks for coming by.

kat,
I'd rather live in the tree.

Blogger MoDigli said...

Please tell me where your Keebler Elves tree is. I desperately need to go live there, too.

THis is beyond pathetic. What sicko paid this man that kind of money to write that book? That person needs to go to hell with OJ.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

How can his children not see this?

Like everyone else, I'm disgusting by this blatant shameful behaviour.

But, he will get his. How can his kids read this and not suspect he's guilty?

Eventually, I predict, he'll lose them. Imagine the poor familes of the victims... this is an atrocity.

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