BROUGHT BACK BY OUTRAGE!!!

I wasn't going to post again until right before my Vegas mini-vacation this weekend, but something happened in my hometown last week that I feel I need to address.

OJ Simpson was in town for the Kentucky Derby. That's OJ at Churchill Downs, surrounded by a gaggle of douchey-looking frat types who seem thrilled to be in the presence of a man who almost cut his wife's fucking head off.

OJ was all around Louisville last week. He gave his Derby prediction to the local newspaper (his horse, Tiago, finished seventh, leading the ghost of Johnny Cochran to quip "His brains are scrambled, he shouldn't have gambled"). Later in the week he continued his painstaking search for the "real killers" of Ron and Nicole by playing a round of golf at an exclusive private course.

On top of that, a friend of mine saw him eating dinner at the new Basa Modern Vietnamese Restaurant. Another rumor had him feasting on nuevo-Latin cuisine at Seviche. Okay, now that pisses me off! I don't care about horse racing or golf, but it really bothers me that a man who owes Fred Goldman millions of dollars from a civil suit can waltz into my hometown and eat lavish meals that I can't afford! Hey, I'm no angel, and yes, I know if I want to be able to go to a restaurant and order macadamia encrusted sea bass with cranberry-scallion cous cous and passion fruit sauce I could apply myself and get a better-paying job, BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT A DOUBLE MURDERER!!!

Doesn't not being a double murderer count for anything these days? Shouldn't it get me a lousy half-order of the god damn rocoto chile-rubbed shrimp with horseradish chimichirri and jicima salsa?!? I'm sure OJ was popping those shrimp down his biscuit-hole like they were jellybeans. And not Jelly Bellys either, but those cheap kind you get at Walgreen's. Fuck him. He should choke on a shrimp and someone should cut it out of his throat with a giant butcher knife.

I realize OJ was found not guilty by twelve people who think DNA evidence is the devil's business, but I don't believe he should be afforded the same rights as non-killing citizenry. Every time that piece of shit sits down to an expensive meal or tees off at a country club golf course it's a slap in the face to the families of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown. "Hey, look America! Fred Goldman has never received a penny from me and right now a Brazilian supermodel is rubbing Beluga caviar all over my taint."

At the very least, OJ Simpson should be denied a table at a popular restaurant during this city's busiest week. Is that too much to ask?

"Yes, we have a table for six available, but it's in the non-murderer section. Sorry."

"Yes, Mr. Simpson, we have you down for a nine a.m. tee time, but I'm afraid you'll have to use Nerf golf clubs. Yes that's right, golf clubs made of foam rubber. We can't have you losing your mind and bashing in the skulls of our valued customers."

He already got away with murder. Does he have to benefit from it?