Thursday, April 19, 2007
Booze and Debauchery

On Friday, April 13th the lovely and dangerous Derby City Roller Girls held a fundraiser that may go down in the annals of history as the most funnest event ever. It was so much fun it made me use the word "funnest" like I'm some sort of god damn teenage half-wit.

Anyway, there was the obligatory DJ (but he was pretty good, and wasn't fucking Nicole Ritchie); as well as lots of booze and a little thing they like to call Full-Contact Musical Chairs.

If you don't think watching hot, tatted up chicks on skates play a very physical game of musical chairs sounds like a lot of fun,'re dead to me. Really. I think the Casual Friday guy still blogs. He'll even meet you for lunch at Olive Garden.

In the event of a tie and/or to settle any disputes, two girls would square off according to the arbitrary whim of the Wheel of Justice. To decide their fates, they'd have to compete in one of several competitions, including arm wrestling; a hula hoop-off; a pillow fight (hello, every fantasy I've ever fucking had ever); and even a Starsky and Hutch-style dance off. Except instead of two polyester-clad dorks there were hot chicks in tank tops.

I met a really nice girl, but she lives in Kansas, thereby proving my theory that I was Joseph Stalin in a former life and will forever pay for past sins. But despite fate punting me savagely in the groins, I had a great time. The Roller Girls raised some much needed cash, and the bar sold so much liquor that they overlooked the three chairs that were broken during the main event.


Blogger yellowdart said...

Sounds like good clean american fun! Im going to go see the Rat Citey Roller Girls here in Seattle on Saturday. Apparently they are the top or one of the top teams on the west coast...or some such shit anyways.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I don't want to go to work. Is it too late for me to become a Derby Girl?

Blogger Nick said...

Dude, total slam on CasFri out of no where. Nice work.

Also, Kansas chicks rule.

Blogger sonrisa morena said...

hot chicks in tank tops!!! AND sitting on your lap!! sounds like a good time to me!! glad to hear you enjoyed yourself ;-)

Blogger miss kendra said...

i agree with nick, except i know nothing of kansas.

also, i want to be a derby girl but you know i would totally break my fucking neck.

Blogger Flounder said...

You should totally give that chick's phone number to Nick. She apparently has some rather low standards so he could get lucky.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Miss Kendra stole my comment.

I guess we'll have to settle for the Pillow Fight League.

Blogger Nick said...

Flounder totally burned me.

Good one.

Blogger Cold Hands said...

holy hell that sounds like fun! why was i not invited??

its obvious you dont love me anymore. :(

Blogger Blonde said...

I would love to go to an event like that. I bet you met the most interesting people.

Move to Kansas with your new friend.

Blogger Melissa said...

Sounds like you had an absolute blast.

Why oh why don't they have anything like that around here?

Blogger yournamehere said...

you should have a great time. They put on quite a show.

sign up at their website. I'd like to see you in one of their outfits.

I'm beginning to think that Kansas chicks do rule.

uh, the chairs were empty. People would have suffered lap injuries if they had been sitting there. I did have a great time, though.

I'd be more worried about your leg.

that joke was very Rove-like in its viciousness.

I think all of us bloggers should have a gathering. THe women can have pillow fights and the guys can compete in the competitive field of beer drinking and pillow fight watching.

more importantly, he burned me. And said a total stranger has low standards. It was a douchecomment trifecta. I kind of respect him for it.

cold hands,
you were at the blogger get together in Dallas, young lady. I'm officially inviting you to Lebowski Fest, where the debauchery is off the charts.

I usually meet interesting people. I'm easy for drunks to spot in a crowd.

how far do you live from Chicago? I know they have a team. And I'd assume Milwaukee has one, too.

Blogger katarina said...

Full contact musical chairs sounds like my Monday mornings.

Were the three chairs broken over somebody's head? Please tell me they were...

Blogger Dr. Chingasa said...

DCRG Musical Chairs - Links here:

Note:L listen closely to hear Todd making out with a chick left of camera and my drunk honky-ass hollering at the ref who is my wife and Todd's frined.

Blogger Steph said...

I've missed my calling. Why oh why do we not have this in Australia!

Blogger Flounder said...

Thanks Todd. I knew that you'd appreciate that comment.

Blogger Tracy said...

Carry on my wayward Son,
Don't let your love become Dust in the Wind.

Blogger yournamehere said...

sounds like fun. I'll be there next week.

sure, whatever you want. Skulls were crushed.

dr. c,
I didn't think I started making out with her until the competition was over.

you in a roller girl outfit would sell a lot of tickets!

oh, I did.

were those Kansas references?

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Roller derby makes me tingle.

Blogger Nick said...

Wait a mother-fuckin' second. This post had almost NO negativity? Aside from the Stalin reference, this post almost sounded like you actually enjoyed life for at least a small period of time? Are roller girls the answer? Maybe they are.

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