Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Worst First Pitch Ever

Take a look at Cincinnati's Mayor throwing out the first pitch on Opening Day of the baseball season.

This is the worst thing I've ever seen. An armless guy could have shoved a baseball up his ass and farted it toward home plate with more authority than that palsied effort.

I love how the umpire ceremoniously throws the mayor out of the game. But the reaction of former Reds great Eric Davis, the attended recipient of the throw, is all-time priceless. He's embarrassed at the mayor's pathetic lack of basic motor skills and at the same time angry that he's part of such a travesty.


Blogger Tracy said...

"...guy could have shoved a baseball up his ass and farted it toward home plate.."

again, you describe my saturday night. Who needs Svengoolie!

Blogger Hulkster said...

Wow, that's embarrassing. The other mayors need to beat him up on the playground after school for that effort.

Blogger Hulkster said...

Also...wrong Ohio team, but anyone else reminded of Bob Ueker in "Major League"?

"Juuuuuust a little bit outside..."

Blogger Melissa said...

An armless guy could have shoved a baseball up his ass and farted it toward home plate with more authority than that palsied effort.

OK, I totally needed a laugh and that sentence made snort Diet Coke into my sinuses. It hurts, but I don't care because that? Is comedic genius.

Is anyone else wondering how the armless guy could shove the baseball up his ass, or am I the only degenerate here tonight?

Blogger Monkey said...

Poor Eric Davis looked befuddled and bewildered.

I too snorted beverages into my nasal cavaties and then back onto my keyboard while reading this post.

thank you

Blogger Bonanza JellyBean said...

"An armless guy could have shoved a baseball up his ass and farted it toward home plate with more authority than that palsied effort."

I have to agree with Melissa. That has to be the best sentence I read all day and I think I want to make the homosexual love to it. Kidding, of course.

-Bonanza JellyBean

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

The only thing that would've made it better would have been if the mayor's pants had fallen down around his ankles.

That is hilarious! As impossible as it might seem, I witnessed a worse throw from Draper. (For those of you who don't know who Draper is, he is my best friend and played baseball with me at Male and West Virginia, and even played professionally as a pitcher)

One day he was pitching, and had a slow ground ball hit just in front of the mound. He picked up the ball, bobbled it slightly, and spun to throw the ball to first base. Well, the ball slipped out of his hands, and he literally threw the ball 200 feet in the air directly over our dugout and over a giant oak tree.

Todd and I used to play wiffle ball in a school lot near his house growing up. He had a wicked wiffle curveball. Nothing in life is more embarrassing than being 12 years old and wiffing on a wiffle ball pitch.

Blogger Anathema said...

I love the look on Eric Davis' face. It screamed, 'What the fuck?' Or maybe I'm confusing that with the effect of years of cocaine abuse by Eric Davis with Darryl Strawberry.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I can throw better than that and I don't even have any fingers! Plus look at my arms! No muscle tone at all!

Blogger Nick said...

I was going to bag on your mayor but after reading up on the esteemed Mr. Abramson he actually sounds like a helluva guy. People don't win elections by a 3 to 1 margin and have a 91% approval rating if they are shit heads.

Maybe he should run for President.

Blogger Kikhwa said...

On the rare occasions where I've had to pitch a baseball, or throw anything at anyone, it's always looked like that.

Blogger katarina said...

Eric Davis should've caught that.

Blogger Sysm said...

He was trying to pick off the guy on First.

Doesn't anybody understand baseball?

Blogger Cincysundevil said...

Wow ... I kinda embarrassed that I lived there for 3 years.

Blogger Arbusto said...


Blogger yournamehere said...

You shoved a baseball up your ass? I want to party with you, cowgirl.

love the Bob Ueker reference. The other mayors do indeed need to kick his ass.

I think he shoves the ball up his ass using his foot. Those armless guys are talented.

I hope it didn't ruin your computer.

that sentence is already in a committed relationship.

I actually chortled when I read that.

the Draper throw is a legend in these parts.

I was a fat kid. Wiffle ball was my one true skill.

even the horrible detox Eric Davis went through didn't compare to the way he felt watching that pitch.

you could drop-kick the ball toward the plate better than that.

Jerry Abramson is nicknamed "Mayor for Life" because he was mayor of the city, served the maximum number of terms allowed, then became Metro mayor when the city and county merged. He's not a bad guy, though.

yes, but you're much more attractive than the mayor of Cincinnati.

he should have dove in his nice suit.

no, no one understands it.

it's all your fault!

it is amazing.

Blogger DogGirl said...

Eric Davis' look was "Man WTF, are you sure you're black? We're good at this shit, right?"

Post a Comment

<< Home