Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Headlines You'll Never See
Uh, the title is fairly self-explanatory, but to reiterate, here are some Headlines You'll Never See.

Bush Speech Wows Mensa Convention

Latest PETA Campaign Fair-Minded, Reasonable

Harvard Grad Reports UFO Sighting

Handsome Man Charged With Sexual Harassment

GM Moves Mexico City Plant Back to Detroit

Britney Spears to Focus on Raising Her Children

Drop in College Tuition Prices Tied to Athletic Department Cuts

Talented Musician Tops Pop Chart

Jessica Alba Weds Obscure Louisville Blogger

Gunman Described By Friends as "Talkative, Social"

Jay Leno Says Something Funny


Blogger Spinning Girl said...


So who cooks, you or Jess?

Blogger katarina said...

I wish I was Jessica Alba.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah, i have a girl crush on jessica alba. she's hot.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

If Jessica doesn't treat you well, I'll bust her kneecaps.

Here's one:

Todd eyes succulent watermelon, chooses to leave it for his friend John.

That's right, buddy, I'm never letting that one go. EVER!

Blogger miss kendra said...

how about, "miss kendra makes it down flight of stairs safely."

Blogger Brookelina said...

Gerard Butler challenges Viggo Mortensen to a duel for Brookelina's hand in marriage.

Blogger Nick said...

Gerard Butler is gay.

Alba's hotness is on the wane, I'm afraid.

ScarJo on the other hand will never be not hot.

Blogger Cincysundevil said...

Also, you'll never see this one:
MTV dumps rich, spoiled cunts as target audience.

Blogger Johnny Yen said...

Here's what's sad-- even my 13 year old son, who loves Letterman, makes fun of Leno's unfunniness.

Leno was actually great whenever was a guest on Letterman's show, back in the day.

Some PETA asshole tried to spray paint my full length man-fur. I beat him without mercy.

Funny list bro!

Blogger la dolce said...

"Family Circus: The Movie Tops Box Office!"


Blogger yournamehere said...

spinning girl,
oh, do you think Ms. Hollywood can be bothered to pick up a pan? I eat out a lot (which is why she married me).

you are just fine as you are.

come on over. Jess is down with that.

that is so sweet.

that headline needs a little editing.

now you're just being silly.

so you'd have to marry a convicted murderer.

her hotness is on the wane? Yeah I suppose I could do better (HA).

oh, to be a rich, spoiled cunt, even for only a day.

that's why it's so sad to even watch Leno.

no one messes with the man-fur!

la dolce,
damn it! I heard Jeffy was kidnapped, raped, and murdered by an escaped mental patient.

Blogger The Stormin Mormon said...

Jessica Alba Weds Obscure Louisville Blogger

-Hey, we're all pulling for ya.

Jessica Biel and I will attend the wedding, but won't announce our engagement, because we wouldn't want to steal the moment...

Blogger April said...

So by talented, you wouldn't mean Daughtry?

Blogger Ted said...

I read this post the other day and laughed...

Today i sat at my computer and opened my usual news site and read this headline "Britney focuses on her children". I thought the world had gone mad and put you in charge of the headlines.

Blogger Vache Folle said...

These things all happened in an alternate universe! Unfortunately, Hitler also won WW2.

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