Friday, March 09, 2007
Daylight Savings Time

I don't know how I feel about this early time change. That's right, Saturday at 2am America sets the clocks ahead an hour. What does this mean to you, the average blog reading citizen?

-If you have something to do on Sunday morning (church, parole hearing, booty call with that waitress who works third shift at Steak and Shake) you're going to lose an hour of precious sleep.

-If you live in a town where the bars close at some lame ass time like 1am, DST won't affect you. However, here in Louisville, where the bars close at 4am, the local drunks are going to be robbed of sixty minutes of liver-punishing shenanigans. (Note to self: Get drunk early.)

-In Vegas, where the bars don't EVER have to close, the debauchery will continue unabated.

I always HATED Daylight Savings Time when I lived in Las Vegas. Yeah, that's just what I fucking needed as summer approached; an extra hour of searing heat from my natural enemy, the sun. Everyone who lives in Las Vegas for more than a month learns to hate the sun. Why? Because it gets up to 130 degrees in the outlying areas of the valley, that's why. And the sun is an inch away from your retinas at all times, so close you can smell its farts. Even in the winter when temperatures are somewhat cool, the wretched sun shines incessantly.

So remember to set your clocks ahead an hour this Saturday. Or don't and be an hour late for your Sunday appointments. At least you'll have an excuse.

And hey, check out that wacky picture. The clock is wearing a watch! How zany. And he doesn't appear to know what time it is because of that confusing Daylight Savings Time. Pure hilarity.

Unfortunately, Mr. Clock is also unaware he has a case of syphilis that, if left untreated, will drive him to madness.


23 Comments:

No wonder Mr. Clock is confused... his own face says 9:07, while his wristwatch says 3:35. Good gravy, man, that's pure insanity right there! When will it end??? Saints preserve us.

Blogger lily said...

dude, you don't know me, but I WAS THAT THIRD SHIFT WAITRESS AT STEAK AND SHAKE! i feel kinda warm and fuzzy that you mentioned me in your blog. nice to meetcha.

I love how we get the extra hour of seering heat in the summer here in Vegas, and how it gets dark at 4:00 in the winter. Oh, and why in the hell are we on Pacific time anyway?

Blogger wmy said...

Hey, did ya know that in Arizona they do not have daylight savings??? Well, did ya??
Mr. Clock is a dirty bastard isn't he?!?

Blogger Flounder 2k7 said...

Well, it was nice driving to work in the daylight this week at least.

Blogger Johnny Yen said...

One of my college roommates worked Spring breaks and summers in a factory, and recounted the story of a co-worked, who was not the sharpest crayon in the box, coming in to work the day after a time change very tired. He asked her why, and she said that she'd had to stay up until 2 am to change the clock.

Blogger Johnny Yen said...

Uh, the should read "co-worker", not co-worked. I'm tired too.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Mr. Clock should've kept his hands to himself.

Blogger April said...

andd now because of the Energy Policy Act of 2005 we get to lose an hour of sleep 3 weeks earlier than we used to.

at least it's not happening on my birthday, though! :)

Blogger Liv said...

That is one of the things I loved about LV. Then again, I love being tan and the sun kinda helps... and not dealing with snow/ice. Plus I only lived there for 3 months during the winter...

Wait.. I did have a point when I started this comment. I don't know what happened.

Blogger miss kendra said...

i Hate daylight savings. we are the only ones who do it, and not even all of us participate. it's so weird.

Blogger Cookie said...

In Indiana they are letting the bars stay open and fall into compliance with DST a bit later.

I think it is kinda sucky that we are doing it so early, though. I hate getting up when it is so dark.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I have nothing to add.

Blogger yournamehere said...

john,
Katie bar the door!

lily,
I find third shift waitresses at Steak and Shake to be saucy minxes.

vast,
Vegas is on Pacific time so the Californians who come there on the weekends don't get confused.

wmy,
they don't have it for the exact reasons I mentioned: A lot of the state is in a desert.

flounder,
sorry about that.

johnny,
oh, it has to be at exactly 2am or it doesn't work.

ubie,
admittedly, the chick who gave him the syph was hot.

april,
what can I give you for your birthday?

liv,
yeah, if you hated living in Vegas, you should have lived there during the summer.

kendra,
I think it's to help farmers. Not a lot of farmers in Lala land, though.

cookie,
are you a peanut butter cookie? Cool.

brooke,
your rapier wit is devistating.

Blogger Princess Pointful said...

I think it was Mr. Clock who shagged the Steak and Shake restaurant.
So, you know, you might want to get yourself checked.
Al Capone died of that shit!

Oh yeah, and daylight savings totally sucks.

Blogger The Stormin Mormon said...

"my natural enemy, the sun..."

That is some funny shit.

Blogger Steph said...

I hate daylight savings. It takes me about a week to adjust and then when it all ends, another week to get back to normal.

In oz, only some states do the daylight savings thing. So the whole fucking country is constantly confused about what time it is.

Blogger Brookelina said...

That would have been a much better burn if you had spelled devastating correctly.

Did it occur to you that poor Mr. Clock is not puzzling over daylights savings time, but is on a trans-Pacific flight and is simply wondering when he's crossing the International Date Line?

Blogger yournamehere said...

princess,
poor Al Capone. What did he ever do to deserve such a fate? Oh yeah...

stormin,
it's true. I don't like the sun.

steph,
it's a god damned conspiracy.

brooke,
wrong! It couldn't have been any better, no matter what.

queen,
I think he's flying overseas so he can have an operation to become a female clock.

Blogger Monkey said...

I have smelled the sun's farts. It drove me to madness.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

I'm sleepy.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

what do sun farts smell like?



probably like helium, huh.

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