Thursday, March 01, 2007
These are the people who set the beauty standard in our society...
Whenever there's an awards show or a Hollywood premiere, a group of quasi-celebrities emerge from the bowels of basic cable to critique the fashion choices of the stars. Fair enough; the stars are all well-compensated from their endevours and should be able to handle a little tongue-in-cheek ribbing from their D-list counterparts.

But really, couldn't at least one of these fashionistas NOT look like a joke?




This is Miss Jay. No, really. A grown man wearing Aunt Bea's hat is going to tell Meryl Streep what to fucking wear. An adult male who looks like an extra from the church scene in The Color Purple MAKES A LIVING telling people how to dress.








Is this a statue of Joan Rivers made from straw
and a bowl of mashed potatoes? No, it's Joan herself.

Joan is a broken-down old has-been who could no longer make a living from her own tired comedy, so she found a "niche" criticizing the looks of people with real faces.








This is Andre Leon Talley, a fashion editor for Vogue. Yes, an editor for the leading fashion magazine in the world looks like a chickenhawk pimp from a seventies blacksplotation film.
While it's true that Jennifer Hudson is on the latest Vogue cover, try being even a size six model WITHOUT an Academy Award and see if you can get a photo shoot. I find it odd that someone who leads an industry that promotes female anorexia is himself pleasantly plump.

And who wears sunglasses indoors? Blind people and douchebags.













Is this the result of an unholy union between Steven Tyler and David Spade? Maybe. But Steven Cojocaru, or "Cojo" as he's
known to fans of fashion industry television filler, makes money by telling celebrities their hair and wardrobe are unacceptable.
Someone needs to tell him the same thing, god damn it!

But Todd, didn't you just say that Phillip Seymour Hoffman looked like "Nick Nolte's mugshot" at the Oscars? How is that any
different?

Well, the man didn't take a shower before appearing on the Academy Awards. I wasn't criticizing the width of his lapels.

The entire enterprise is as if I got a job on television insulting fat celebrities when I myself am fat. I guess that would be perfectly fine, since these idiots find work.

I'd like to thank Brooke, who inspired this post by sending me a picture of "Miss Jay" sporting a Little Dutch Girl haircut.


23 Comments:

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Joan Rivers is a robot.

Blogger miss kendra said...

i think miss jay is hilarious, and FAR more awesome than the orange jay from ANTM.

i just like drag queens though, so i could be biased.

Blogger wmy said...

When you put a big bitch slap on people...it makes me a little moist..........DOWN THERE!!...I don't know what that says about me...hahaha

Blogger Brookelina said...

Four of the most unattractive and ridiculously dressed people in the northern hemisphere. Coco Chanel is rolling over in her grave.

Poor Joan, she's been pulled so tight she has to sleep with her eyes open.

Blogger The Stormin Mormon said...

I seriously have never understood the fashion industry.

The fact that Tyra Banks has a show selecting the next "Top Model" while she herself looks tired, old, and fat, is just ridiculous. Miss Jay is just the icing on that cake.

Joan Rivers... To easy...

Andre Leon Talley is the male Tyra Banks, but with a bigger ego (and possibly a bigger chest).

And then Cojo. Every time I see him I think that Jon Bon Jovi has finally come out of the closet...

Is it just the head trauma I suffered today in a car wreck, or is Cojo's mouth big enough to suck off a blue whale?

Blogger Princess Pointful said...

I seriously don't believe that the picture of Joan Rivers is not a wax model. I have a remarkable urge to see how easily she melts.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Fashion has become ridiculous.

That's why I'm dedicating myself to pretending I live in another decade when looking pretty was desirable.

Blogger Melissa said...

I find it oddly refreshing when I wake up in the morning and look more presentable with my serious sideways hair volume and Old Navy sweatpants than the last ten pictures I've seen of ::insert famous chick's name here::.

Also, Joan Rivers scares me almost as bad as clowns do.

Blogger MLE said...

Nah, I think Joan Rivers is an alien, not a robot. She's up there with Dick Clark and Michael Jackson. Aliens, all of them.

And Miss Jay was far more interesting when he did guest appearances on ANTM. Now that he's a judge, he mostly sucks.

Blogger Kate said...

lmfao!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blogger April said...

is it any wonder that the most idiotic people are what popular culture call beautiful and focus their attention on?

Blogger slug said...

"Is it just the head trauma I suffered today in a car wreck, or is Cojo's mouth big enough to suck off a blue whale?"

Well, it was a normal-sized mouth until that day he sucked off the afformentioned blue whale.

Blogger Tracy said...

I think you can see Joan Rivers nipples. They're on her chin.

ok, that was too easy, i know.

Blogger Steph said...

It's about time someone criqued the self proclaimed "fashionistas". Lets hope they're sad enough to google themselves and find your blog.

thank you for setting the record straight slug.

I love this post. All the sudden I don't feel so bad about wearing flannel pajama bottoms and Old Navy tank tops until lunchtime.

Blogger yournamehere said...

pants,
a robot sent from the future to annoy me? Those bastards.

kendra,
I have nothing against drag queens who don't tell other people how to dress.

wmy,
it says you need to come here and return the favor.

brooke,
Joan probably has one of those Lone Ranger masks so the moonlight doesn't keep her awake.

stormin,
I don't mind a few extra lbs. on Tyra. I do mind the fact that she's the most egocentric person on earth. She honestly thinks her Sports Illustrated cover is a Black History benchmark on par with MLK's "I have a dream" speech.

vast,
I believe someone named "Slug" answers this for you.

princess,
someone dropped a house on her sister.

ubie,
then your neighborhood would have milk delivery AND a desire to look pretty. Talk about a time warp.

Blogger yournamehere said...

melissa,
I'm sure you look great with bed head. I'd like to see for myself.

mle,
maybe Joan River is *gasp* a ROBOT ALIEN!!!

kate,
that's a lot of exclaimation points, young lady.

april,
I think pop culture should be looking at your fine ass instead.

slug,
you are like the Shell Answer Man of unsavory inquiries. Thanks.

tracy,
is she drooling or lactating?

steph,
let's hope they don't sue me.

vast,
it's like wikipedia around here.

queen of d,
I'm just honored to have royalty reading my blog.

Blogger Turnbaby said...

Joan Rivers has been stretched so tight she has to shave her chin.

God these people are self supporting ass kissers in a never ending daisy chain

And THAT visual image just made me throw up a little in my throat.

Lovin the blog

Blogger Tits McGee said...

I'm mad crazy in love with Miss Jay, but am 100% with you otherwise.

Let's make out.

Blogger Andi said...

Excellent summation of the debaucle that is fashion "commentary" these days. All of these people are alien love children of Jerry Spring and...well....aliens.

Blogger DogGirl said...

I'm here because i cant sleep and someone has to put 'nipples' and 'Joan Rivers' in the same sentence. Now I'm afraid of the hellish visions should I fall asleep.

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