Yeah, my optimism, like the residue of cocaine at the bottom of Lindsay Lohan's purse, is in short supply. Why, you ask? Well let me tell you.
-I look like hell. I need a haircut, I didn't shave this morning, and I've been gaining weight like John Goodman vacationing in a beachside bungalow made of cheese. I'm starting to look like a taller version of the fat guy on Lost.
-My car is older than the last twenty girls R. Kelly fucked.
-I go out in public way too much for someone who hates people.
-My "new" responsibilities at work are starting to piss me off. You never realize how much shit is purchased by a retail establishment until you have to scan it all in.
-Do you know the anal retentive yet dim-witted shift leader at your neighborhood Taco Bell? He is my financial superior.
-Whenever I hear the song Fergalicious it serves as a tone-deaf reminder that pop culture left me in the dust over a decade ago. It also makes blood shoot out of my ass.
-I had a recent romantic disappointment, and it's become such a common occurrence it didn't even phase me.
-As you read this, millions of people are waiting for a table at Olive Garden.
-The last time I voluntarily exercised was when I ran to the post office to fetch my grandfather one of those new Susan B. Anthony dollars.
-I look like hell. I need a haircut, I didn't shave this morning, and I've been gaining weight like John Goodman vacationing in a beachside bungalow made of cheese. I'm starting to look like a taller version of the fat guy on Lost.
-My car is older than the last twenty girls R. Kelly fucked.
-I go out in public way too much for someone who hates people.
-My "new" responsibilities at work are starting to piss me off. You never realize how much shit is purchased by a retail establishment until you have to scan it all in.
-Do you know the anal retentive yet dim-witted shift leader at your neighborhood Taco Bell? He is my financial superior.
-Whenever I hear the song Fergalicious it serves as a tone-deaf reminder that pop culture left me in the dust over a decade ago. It also makes blood shoot out of my ass.
-I had a recent romantic disappointment, and it's become such a common occurrence it didn't even phase me.
-As you read this, millions of people are waiting for a table at Olive Garden.
-The last time I voluntarily exercised was when I ran to the post office to fetch my grandfather one of those new Susan B. Anthony dollars.
28 Comments:
the olive garden thing might be the worst one.
Could be worse. Could be raining.
I think history has proved that Vegas does NOT make everything better.
However, moving to Chicago ...
You can live in Sysm's basement.
And that's why you need to go see the Derby City Roller Girls this Thursday. Hot chicks in shorts skirts will make you feel better.
Could be worse,
you could be this guy.
http://i123.photobucket.com/albums/o309/trascud/kickednutsarehappynuts.jpg
oops. i meant this.
http://i123.photobucket.com/albums/o309/trascud/Footballs.jpg
are we supposed to believe you actually "ran" to the post office? ;)
(i'll kick fergies ass for you, how's that?)
Sorry you're sad, happy you're funny.
I know that you are lying about running to the post office because they usually only exchange currency at a bank.
Maybe if you had said you were getting gramma those new Elvis stamps it would have worked.
lmfao. i think i now have a serious crush on you.
I saw a commercial for an exciting new innovation in adult diapers when I was hamstering on the elliptical yesterday. You might take advantage of such innovation before going out in public where "Fergalicious" might play, and that way you wouldn't keep ruining the seat of all your pants.
Agreed with Miss Kendra that the Olive Garden thing is the worst.
Mmmmm, what's wrong with the Olive Garden? Now I'm hungry for eggplant parm.
Dammit.
"Whenever I hear the song Fergalicious it serves as a tone-deaf reminder that pop culture left me in the dust over a decade ago. It also makes blood shoot out of my ass."
Sorry about that ass issue there babe.... I would pay good money to see Fergie have some sort of industrial accident... good money indeed.
I am a little bit in love with you now.
Put on your Nike's & "Just Do It!"
Get out there and run back and forth to the post office a few days a weeks. It's a start. And the bonus of that is that Maybe you can update all of us about the new stamps coming out. I would totally appreciate that.
Another anti-fergalicious here also.
Reasons I'm not optimistic:
Todd never stops by to say hi anymore.
Bastid!
;)
(just kidding, you know I love you more than my luggage)
sorry about the romantic disappointment. I hear they're selling viagra over the counter now.
Todd runs like he just stole a watermelon.... which he did once. He thinks I should just get over it, but to that I say, you will rue the day. Oh yes, you will.
Just remember, it could only be worse in Louiseville-- oh, wait...
St. Louis is nice.
romantic disappointment? who could turn down your wit & charm??
and, seriously, who the HELL eats at olive garden?
i mean, come on, i'd rather drink pepsi and eat some flaccid pizza.
wellll...not really.
the olive garden comment made me laugh!! oh mr. Todd don't be too hard on yourself!!! AND don't you remember you and i are supposed to get married!!! see it's not that bad :-)
Has anyone ever really questioned your lack of optimism? You take angst to a whole new level.
Yeah, you're getting married in my back yard, remember?
I have no idea how the song "Fergalicious" goes, and I feel so lucky about that right now.
...and forever.
The Olive Garden thing doesn't bother me per se. If I'm in Springfield, Illinois or Bozeman, Montana I'll eat at Olive Garden or Johnny Carrino's. What's scary is people in New York City, with everything there from Babbo to Katz's Deli, going to Olive Garden, Red Lobster or Tony Roma's in Times Square. Just fucking stay home in Omaha if that's where you want to eat.
Fergalicious? I loathe this whole -licious appendage on words.
I agree with kendra--what does it say about you when you are waiting in line at the Olive Garden?
That the wait was too long at Red Lobster
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