The Old Louisville neighborhood can be quite beautiful. It boasts the largest concentration of Victorian architecture in the United States. Of course, like a lot of inner-city neighborhoods, Old Louisville has its problems, too.
Residents complain of vandalism, muggings, and aggressive panhandling. One of the problems, they say, is the liquor and drug stores in the area that sell small bottles of booze to drifters and homeless people.
The solution, according to an increasingly vocal segment of the Old Louisville population, is to force a wet/dry vote for the district.
For those of you from civilized areas, let me explain this wet/dry bullshit. A vast majority of the counties in Kentucky are "dry", meaning it is illegal to purchase alcohol in these festering cesspools. Louisville is in a "wet" county, THANK MERCIFUL GOD. But according to state law, which was written two hundred years ago by men who were fucking their sisters, any district in a wet county can be subjected to a wet/dry vote, at any time, whenever Aunt Hildie gets a bee in her bonnet.
Apparently, the numerous Crack houses scattered about the area have NOTHING to do with the crime and persistent begging. No, it's the Devil's Elixir, alcohol, that's the problem. Instead of demanding increased police presence on the street, this group wants to ban the sale of alcohol.
If they get the vote, and "dry" wins, the liquor stores will close, as will every single bar and restaurant in the area (Alisha, Dave, Erin...this includes the Mag Bar). What a brilliant way to improve the neighborhood, by driving businesses away! People will lose jobs and buildings will be abandoned, but the Crack will still be there. And with a fresh supply of empty buildings, the drug trade will skyrocket. Worst of all, when a Crackhead stabs you in the ribs for the three dollars and change in your wallet, you won't be able to crawl to the nearest bar and have a drink.
Question: "I live in Old Louisville. Shouldn't the residents be allowed to live in a dry neighborhood if we so desire?"
Answer: "There are numerous dry counties in Kentucky. Follow the gravel road to one of them and leave us city folk the fuck alone."
Hey, why not do away with all vice? No more bars with their evil liquor, no more restaurants with their fattening food; just plain buildings that sell ice water and quadruple-sanitized lettuce; served by women covered in clothing from head to toe, like a Pentecostal with melanoma.